Something New. Something Brown.

"Oh gawd, no! Ah's gots to get up, work out, eat lunch, go to work, come home a mess, find something to keep me from getting depressed, go to bed, and repeat!"

-Me

The smell of ass is not a nice smell. Am I right, ladies? It's one of those odors that can really hit your nose so hard you'll feel like a boxer hit it perfectly. How is it possible for someone to forget to wash their ass?

I must be cursed for the last two moments of employment have brought me into buildings occupied by a co-worker that does not bathe. Remember way back when when it came to Stinky? Oh, how I have not forgotten a fat nerdy white guy that smelled worse than the typical Muslim forgoing deodarant due to religious reasons. Those were the days where I didn't need to call out Stinky's name. I could just point my nose up in the air and, depending on how strong the smell of him was, clearly told me where he was.

Plus, I will never forget Stinky's sudden blurting out that he masturbates to Japanese Manga movies, cartoons with exaggerated breasts and penises. The moment this happened made work go by so fast that night.

So, let it be known. I have spent the last 3 days working in an environment where one of my co-workers has taken a dump in his pants to announce his presence. "I am here! Let my turds be known!" I shit you not. I've spent time during out meetings before work even takes place keeled over due to the smell of the man. Somehow, I am admitting that I will take back the smell of Stinky if it meant ridding these new fumes.

It is a first to work with someone that reeks of shit. This place has warned this old man, from what I've been told. I'm not sure why it has no effect. You'd think that people nearly dying all around you would make you take notice that it is time to wash that old ass. Even a comedian my parents loved had a perfectly named title:

"You've gotta wash yo' ass."

I couldn't have said it better myself. No one likes to smell like poop. Well, maybe kindergarteners or those younger. Hell, I'm sure there is a kid you remember from school that would come smelling like shit. We had one, white kid with a gigantic ass named 'Clay.' Many a person was known to get sick sitting behind him.

I know this entry sounds weird but I'm in need of a venting. I'm extremely senstive to smell and will bask in the glories of those that I love. There is something that makes me as high as a sprite when it comes to Japanese blossoms, vanilla, amber, and especially strawberries. Of course, I do love the smell of pussy and if you sit in front of me clothed, with your legs spread, I can tell you what yours smells like. My only issue, even with the ones before, is that your pussy doesn't have too strong of a smell.

Shit and ass just ruin my days at work now. How can someone go to work smelling like this all while walking around with filthy skidmarks!?!

In other news, my mom and I have patched things up for now. Work sucks even more because of something I cannot understand. The weather is absolutely awful. I need sex. An Italian girl that is very shy in my gym has a crush on me. Old Nick has given me an idea as to how to make mowing your lawn much more fun (Hint: It involves beer). I'm going to Indiana this weekend.

Should I talk of the swingers Sara and I met on New Year's Eve? Due to my inner horniness where I try to avoid realizing that an older guy nearby smells of shit, my mind goes there.

So, I am outta here during another fine day of coldest of cold air making itself known. Only the true freaks of the gym go at this time. Funny to see the shy Italian girl that will not miss a moment of running nearby me. She's nice so I have coaxed out smiles from her rather than her typical scowls. Hard to explain but she is so guarded until you knock down that shyness. Working out is more fun when everyone around you is open to being goofy. Happy twats all around.

Mothers

"Hell hath no fury like a son pissed off over a mother's mistake towards his girlfriend."

-Me

Well, that's a kind of a good quote but only if said mother actually understands the fucking damage she does when opening her fucking mouth.

Moms. Can't live with 'em. Can't understand why they still have no understanding over the concept of sharing.

Life just got more complicated. It looks like Circuit City, the second most well-known leading electronics seller, is going to completely fold. The reason why this is bad? Someone has to keep Best Buy honest. Trust me. Those boys are pretty damn sneaky on how they run things. Best Buy rips you off, here and there, by running as if its taken over Wal-Mart's ways. Don't get me wrong for I do like Best Buy. They're just sneaky......even if Circuit City was kind of a ghetto version of it where the parking lot was pretty much empty at all times.

Plus, our WaldenBooks is closing! Wow! That store has been open forever in this town so it'll feel odd with it being gone. It holds something special with me because I bought my first Playboy from there. The first time went great but then I was carded. Actually, let me tell you the story.......

A long time ago, I went to WaldenBooks for no reason other than to browse. Somehow, I just decided to pick up the newest issue of Playboy at the time. There was nothing else there that amused me so why not? The model, Stephanie Seymour, was on the cover and I was curious as to what kind of bush or no bush she had. Trust me. The slightest hint of pubic hair displayed to a 16-year-old causes mild convulsions in the crotch area, very pleasant, too. Lucky for me, the clerk let me go out the door with that issue of Playboy. My once shaky hands were now itching through the issue's pages in hopes of seeing the loveliness of Stephanie. Oh, was it worth it! There she was on a picnic table with a very obvious small snatch of hair between her legs.

Man, you don't know how fucking nervous I was to purchase an issue of Playboy from WaldenBooks. That day is forever etched in my memory banks of weird things that mean a lot to me. Hell, the guy that let me leave with it had glasses. This was years and years ago so it's obvious this memory means something.

Of course, me being me, I had to see if purchasing the next issue of Playboy would happen again. It's monthly, ya know. Sure, I had a subscription but sometimes the store got them ahead of me. Stephanie beckoned the call of nature now it was some girl in rollerblades. Nope. I had to honor the fact that I was turned down for being too young. 16 years of age just didn't allow this male's pupils to widen over the sight of personal hair now unwanted in this day of age. One of the worst rejections is to find you are just too young. I could be as ugly as a cat's butt. I could be as retarded as the high school kid that nearly bit me before boarding the short bus. I just couldn't purchase nudity because I was 2 years off.

Just to show my sadistic side, I do sometimes wish to hold the power of allowing nudie magazines to be purchased while working in a bookstore. I'd taunt and tease as I look up and down over someone that is obviously of age and ask for I.D. Or if it's a kid that is definitely younger than 18, I'd yell out for a price-check on Hustler or try to start up a conversation on the benefits of porn. The only thing is no bookstore sells Hustler. Plus, my own girlfriend would love to get into a long discussion on the power of porn.

My guess is that I'm the only one that's happy for Israel's fighting back against Hamas. Fascinating how there are so many protests against this. How would these naive idiots feel if someone constantly sent shells into their homes during a cease-fire period? Plus, Hamas sets up its headquarters near or in schools just to taunt Israel. Talk about not playing fair.

Yeah, I was here this weekend but a lot of distractions came up. Namely, my mother called up Sara to tell her to stay home. 3 times. This pissed me off. Sara was going to come here at some point but my mother was out of her goddamn mind for some reason. Sara needs sex. Hell, I need sex to keep the weird insect-like creatures from overtaking my already fragile mind.

Kidding. There are no 'insect-like creatures.' I'm sorry to say that, yes, my mind is fragile, though.

So, I must be off after watching FX's showing of Hellboy. Ever seen it? It's good but the sequel is amazing! Who the hell comes up with the idea of World War 2 soldiers finding a demon that was supposed to be nurtured by Nazis only to become a part of a team sent to help rid the world of bad things? Oh, Hellboy really likes cats and candy. It's charming when something destined for evil understands women's needs for the furry companions. Happy twats all around.

Benjamin?

"I'm motivated by the fact that I wish to spend my evenings face-down on the bar."

-Me

While taking into account this movie that I have been obsessed with but have yet to see, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, my girlfriend said something that reminded me of it. While the character played by Brad Pitt ages backwards, I don't seem to fucking age at all! Beat that, Dick Clark! I'm far sexier with bigger balls o' magnitude!

Okay, let's be serious now. I was laying around on Sara's bed (clothed, you pervs) and played around with the contents of my wallet. Lots of old pictures fell out, namely my high school I.D.s. Interesting. I'm pretty sure the last 3 years of high school were in there only to soon find my old college I.D.s as well. Then, came my old drivers licenses. Of course, they were cut in half but the pictures stayed. With all these pictures surrounding me, I showed them to Sara.

"My boyfriend is a vampire."

That's what she said. I don't seem to age at all. While I was only slightly skinnier in an old gym I.D. and various hairstyle changes over the years, everything else was the same. There is nothing to warrant the impact of age. Would I be perfect for the lifestyle I do have a tendency to remember?

"Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. It's fun to be a vampire."

If you didn't grow up in the 80's, this movie quote will baffle you a bit. People I come across from high school or private school look like shit. Fat bloated people that gave up on life just don't interest me. Why do people think that the best thrill is coming home from work and flipping channels?

Then again, I could be labeled as a retard for enjoying the high caused by a 25-minute treadmill run that leaves me wondering my own sanity. I must be the only one that gets excited about reaching the machine's readout that tells me I burned 100 calories in less than 10-minutes.

"Go retard, go!

I'm a little better. Depression seems to have hit me hard due to my evenings spent walking to the car with the collar of my topcoat pulled up. It's fucking cold these days here in Illinois. A few days here and there is no big issue but a whole week where going outside is avoided as much as possible? I'm not interested in pissing icicles on a tree.

If I don't go to Indiana this weekend, I might edit and add to my Year In Review. Who knows. I'm not entirely satisfied with it since it feels like all those paragraphs feel like they were spit out.

As for New Year's.......it was good. Found out you shouldn't leave a group of girls alone with a karaoke machine. Some of them butchered my favorite songs. What I really want to do is go back in time and sing my best version of Human League's "Don't You Want Me." So many of those girls had no clue as to how a lot of my favorite music goes. Each year, they do Billy Joel's "Piano Man" that's okay, nothing special. To really give it a go, play something that kicks things up and brings out emotions. You cannot go wrong with 80's hair metal.

Yes, there was the inevitable midnight kiss and I was super drunk by midnight. Champagne bottle in hand and lots of shrimp in my belly, that's how this never-aging-guy lives his life. The best part is being put on the spot during a card game. I'm the only guy out of 5 that can name a brand of tampon. Kotex. Somehow, I kept it quiet that I know Playtex Pearl Glides thanks to a girlfriend that gave me a lesson on how great they are. Remember how I used to have a huge fear of tampon boxes?

I'm still afraid of midgets, though. It's the fear of getting into a fight with one. What do I do, get on my knees and go at it? Or do I drop-kick the little shit into the next parking lot?

So, I'm outta here. Card games that bring out a vampire's tampon knowledge. It almost sounds like the two go together. Get it? The best part is forcing all the girls playing to take a drink. Why? They all admit that they gave blowjobs at some point this year. C'mon, get happy. Happy twats all around.

No Likey

Have you ever hated yourself for a period of time? My moment has been going on since New Year's Day and it really hurts when all I can think about is how my Year In Review was far too open. Me, me, me is not the way to go!

Year In Review

"I can see Chicago from my house."

-Me

Well, this is my Year In Review entry. What I'm going to do about all this is to just add things throughout the week, clearly leading into next year. In other words, this is going to one mutha of an entry as I find more things to add each day. You have been warned and, hopefully, offended.

1). The best way to start out all this is by what you see around you. Never before have I seen something like the recession we are in. A mall nearby has closed its doors. People are having an impossible time finding jobs. Worked 25 years for a company? Means nothing as many more get layed off over people worrying over their own money. In other words, is it possible that Americans realize there are more important things than owning everything?

I think a lot of this goes along with watching Sara try and find employment. It was certainly a bitch to see her near giving up. It was in the car coming back that Sara told me she didn't know what she was going to do after being turned down yet again. Even though it's great that she's working at Macy's, there is still the inevitable due to retail's sluggish season ending. Many of my own friends now work less hours at their old jobs only to be forced into working part-time at another job.

What about my job? Been there just over a year, 1 year and 3 months, to be exact. I've had plenty of ups and downs in regards to how I am treated. Yeah, I've got muscles but they do wear the fuck down after hauling things weighing over 50 pounds day after day. Plus, I don't understand why managers bitching you out don't put down their fucking machine thingees to help. I can only do so much, fucker. Plus, why is it that certain employees get treated so much better than us lowly dock workers? Employee morale is a must.

2). Yeah, I supported Obama. In no way do I regret it, even if there are a few things he's done that annoy me. Serves me right. Obama did say that he was willing to work with all, instead of filtering out the bastards that continue to ruin this world. This so-called amazing pastor that has been invited to the Inauguration is just a small issue while the holding off of taxing the rich gets to me more. We are a nation in great distress. Dealing with the issues of allowing gays to marry can wait for now.

But why not? I'm impressed with a presidential hopeful displaying his feelings that gays should be allowed to marry. Tis' would be nice. Think of how the economy would be helped by catering! Gays love to exhibit taste, most likely more so than the typical wedding that tends to look more like white trash exhibit A these days. As much as I do enjoy seeing religious leaders' facial expressions when mentioning a pussy touching another pussy or two dicks finding their way into another male's mouth, it's time to allow gays to marry. Where a person puts their genitals is of no concern to you, reader.

Pray tell. Obama's going to have one hell of a time in the White House. Our current president has left an enormous mess to sort through. No matter what Obama does, there is going to be plenty blame placed his way. The first 100 days, or possibly more, may give him a bit of lee-away due being new and black. In my own view, no matter what Obama does, it will be far superior than what McCain could come up with.

3). Personally, I've grown to slow down in my need to blog. It's a weird thing, to sit here at a computer and feel like I am talking to myself. Seriously, that's how I view this thing. Whatever my mind is going over ends up here in my own little space I have allowed you to read. I've no problem offending you for I am a firm believer that that kind of thing awakens a reader out of his/her little safe spot. Plus, we all enjoy discussing the little weird things about sex. Penises are ridiculous looking. Vaginas? We all know they can wreck havoc with their vast amounts of smells.

Work kind of wears me down to the point that I'd rather do other things than sit here at a computer. With my deaf co-worker to bitch things out with, I'm less prone to outbursts. Ah, yes, being in a large cold truck tends to rock me to sleep. By 11pm, I'm almost as dead as a doornail these days.

That's not to say I don't enjoy blogs. There are a few I've been reading for years and years. Isn't that creepy? When I look back at it all, I realize that I've known some people over the computer for more than 5 years. When it reaches 10 years, I think it's done time we admit we're all married to each other. To think that it was just over 3 years that I was once offered a pair of dirty knickers by a woman that told me I am in need of a good spanking.

4). One thing I will not forget about this year is being told that Sara misses me all the time. Yes, little ol' me, the white boy with no ass, has been hinted at that I need to start thinking of moving to Indiana next year. I still remember that evening very well. For one thing, it was my birthday in an Italian restaurant that Sara had a slightly hard time telling me that I am missed when I leave the bed to go back home.

Obviously, this will be a first. I've never been told that after years of dating, it's time to take the next step. With Sara and I, it all started at her favorite burger restaurant, X-Men 2 in the DVD player, and sex. See? Sex on the first date does tend to keep some guys. So, stop fretting about that blowjob you gave to the guy you picked up on 2nd Street. He might actually come back for another one.

This is where I'm scared. Moving in is a big step. It's an even bigger step when two people have completely different viewpoints on how to keep an apartment/house. I'm neat. Sara is...well, it's like her closet throws up everyday. No matter how hard I try to keep my eyes closed upon entering her room, I just cannot understand how someone can allow large piles of dirty clothes to be all over a room. I've had this slight fantasy of hosting dinner parties in Sara's apartment, as her friends do. How is that possible when there are dirty panties and socks all over the place? It's even harder to feel sexual when the coughing and sneezing overcome me.

5). My car. Oh, lordy! What a great year to experience things go wrong on an interstate! Even better is the fact that I got driven home by a guy with only one hand. Remember Flipper? That was his nickname after having the fingers in one of his hands pulled out by a horse. You just cannot go wrong with a discussion of Flipper over dinner. It's almost like being an astronaut. While he/she might say, "But have you ever been to the moon," I would end up saying, "Yeah, but have you ever been driven home by a guy with only one hand?"

One of the scariest things is having a car break down on the interstate. Fuck! I'm not one to cry but I sure as hell got angry on that hot day driving home. Pulled over to the side and noticed that I only had battery power to get one phone call out. Lucky for me, I met Flipper, of course. I'm certainly not mad about how 30 minutes of being there meant no one else bothered to stop. How many times have you pulled up to a person in distress to help out?

There were other incidents where my car quit. This also brought about the answer as well. My dad changed the fuel type by allowing me to run on E-85. While it does work in the city, the interstate is a whole other matter. Things tend to overheat or the car reads a full tank of E-85 as being empty. Weird. Think of what I went through. 2 or 3 months to figure that all out.

This being a recession, my car went through another ordeal. It was broken into for the first time! Ah-ha! I popped my cherry when it comes to dealing with people that absolutely need your $1.75 of change that consists of nickels and pennies. That's all they got, along with the garage door opener whose code we had to change. Once things settled down, I do admit to a little bit of being freaked that someone had been in my car without my permission. No matter how fucked up the car, intrusion is not warranted.

6). The Dark Knight, what an amazing movie! As of December 29th, I have seen it around 8 times and it just keeps impressing me with how it all came together. Sure, we all hear about Heath Ledger's portrayal of The Joker. While I must say that I was thrilled that it was hype worthy of placing this man up for an Oscar, I must say that, by jolly, the darkness consumed me into a mist that I could not comprehend yet I allowed it to overtake me into its warm embrace. This is what Batman is about.

What people keep forgetting is that Batman is a man obsessed with some sort of psychologically implanted need to rid the world of evil and its ilk. He just does not fuck around. Period. The director, Christopher Nolan (geeks are now in love with this man), gave us a movie full of things that this comic book is famous for. The street fight scene, while there are a lot of good scenes, is something I continue to watch over and over. The Joker, a bit on the suicidal side, dares Batman to bend his rules of not killing no matter how evil the person is. Look at Batman's anger as he is forced to decide on this, even if it means crashing into the truck.

There was no funny sidekick, something that has irritated me to no avail. When it came to The Dark Knight, I truly felt like I was home to those stories I read as a kid. These weren't little kids' comics but more adult where decisions, no matter the outcome, just aren't easy. Sometimes, people just fucking die, man.

The Dark Knight went like this: The Joker was chaos to Batman's rigid goodness (even if he did bend the rules sometimes) and Two-Face represented chance. Nothing is as simple as this but these are the best descriptions you can get. What the Joker kept trying to do is get everyone to realize that society can create the very evil it tries to rid itself of. An old joke in comics is that when a person in costume shows up, another will appear as well. Plus, no one is absolutely perfect. No one.

2 other movies got to me, Wanted and Tropic Thunder. The latter is what I saw a couple days ago on Pay Per View. You take a group of spoiled actors, place them in the middle of an actual war without realizing it, and you create one hell of a great mess. You will not recognize Robert Downey Jr. in black-face for he is so in character. Wanted is just this big ass question about whether you are happy with your life. Hate it? Change it and find yourself in the process, especially if the 2nd best assassin looks like Angelina Jolie. Oh, how I loved it when she rose out of the recovery pool butt-naked! You know me. I love a woman's ass. Of course, there was that other scene that amused the fuck out of me, when Wesley smashed the keyboard into the face of the guy fucking his girlfriend. The keys broken off spell "Fuck You."

7). Walks with 5-Pound Phooey. Where would I be without my daily walks in the park with my little demon of mayhem? Hard to believe that this dog will stand her ground when it comes to telling everyone, be it big or small, that 5-Pound Phooey is boss. Everytime I take her to get my haircut, she has to chase the cats out of the bushes. People laugh when something so tiny goes straight up to their large dogs' faces to do some sort of doggy cussing. 5-Pound Phooey's not mean, just really, really bossy.

The funny thing is that, as of today, I am not high on 5-Pound Phooey's list. She does not like combings. This is something she needs so I am not backing down on getting rid of those tangles that make her look a bit like a dog that's spent some time starting fights in the streets over who pissed on her p-mail messages. Have comb? 5-Pound Phooey all gone.

8). Pregnancy tests. What is it with you girls and your periods!?! It's weird how stress can take them away. It's even weirder how if a bunch of girls live together all their periods will sync up. Can't you just will away crotch bleeding?

All I can say about pregnancy tests is that it's just not fun to sit on the bathroom floor while Sara pees on a stick. Sure, there are those that get sexual thrills watching women pee but not I. I know it doesn't just appear as a result of magic, unlike some guys. A bathroom's tiles just don't bring about the need for sex even if her panties are down.

There is one amusement I do confess to. I've always paid attention to how girls sit when peeing because these positions come in a variety. The cutest has to be knees together but feet wide apart while the weirdest has to be sitting straight up with knees and feet together. Kristan, my virginity taker, would always just have her legs and feet wide apart. Jen was the most hilarious because late nights meant zombie-like mornings. Her feet and knees were tightly together but her head was most often in her lap. Some of you piss so fucking loud!

Yes, it's scary when faced with wondering why a period has gone AWOL. I don't want kids and neither does Sara. We're the ones that sit in restaurants wishing all the noisy kids would just fucking disappear. You'd think that it's the bad parenting that's done it for us. No, we just don't like kids. Every once in a while, I do get curious as to what kind of child my sperm can create. It's strictly fantasy because I think more along the lines of superhuman geniuses with the strength of 10 men. The girls would all be ninjas.

Anyway, the results were that we aren't pregnant. There will be no shouting, "This is all your fault!" at my dick.

9). The drive to Chicago was quite scary. Ever driven to this city? Well, I found myself being forced to drive there on April 9th all because Sara wanted to meet one of her favorite authors, Christopher Rice. After filling up at a diner, I was so nervous about hitting that long interstate into a large city that's as confusing as being forced to choose between Jaws and Aliens with only 2.5 hours of viewing time. Do I go for the 'bigger boat' or 'grinnin' and droppin' that linen?'

I've a huge fear of driving in a big city. Sure, I've been to Chicago a few times, mostly in the downtown area where the Water Tower is. Only, this was where someone else was driving. Those long traffic jams and people driving insane through large tunnels! That was me! There were 7 lanes that led into a dark tunnel and all Sara and I had was a trusty sidekick G.P.S. to get us there. Ask Sara. I was fucking freaked out but got us there, 3 tollroads later.

Of course, the Barnes & Noble that Christopher Rice appeared at was enormous! This was my kind of place, located within a very wealthy area where Armani and Lacoste set up shop. I was in love! The bookstore itself had more books than I'm used to so I pretty much stuck with scanning through the photography section where I found an $80 book on the Perelli Calender made famous for its use of beautiful supermodels barely dressed or just naked. Told you I love ass.

Sara was extremely happy about meeting Christopher Rice, a man with a large gay following. I'm not saying that in the lightest sense because you are talking to a guy with no gaydar. Here I was faced with alarms all around me. There were so many gay guys that I just had to smile at their drooling over an author considered hot by their standards, skinny with a face that's quite peculiar. Me, I talked two guys in front of Sara and I into taking a picture of her with Christopher Rice. I've no problem with talking to gays. In fact, I had a blast discussing something that I cannot remember just now.

Whatever. The whole point is that April 9th was one very scary day but well-spent. I'm scared of Chicago but its more along the lines of respect. My family loves the movie, The Blues Brothers, because they know that place well. I'm just catching up.

10). There has got to be something not so honorable about a guy that is proud of his crotch smelling like raspberries or orange mango or amber. Yes, I changed things around when I discovered the glories in feminine bath products. I'm a total bath guy by heart thanks to the need to soak after running my body through the most serious of workouts. There isn't a problem with me going all girly by laying in a bath for hours with the latest tabloid as candles provide my only light.

If you don't remember the incident, this all started when Sara came to stay here for her birthday. When she saw what was used as bubbles, I was ordered to change things around immediately. I'm a guy so I tend to follow what I'm used to, dishwashing detergent. Seriously, I never knew why my skin itched so bad after a bath til Sara pointed things out.

The mall! We went to a few places where I smelled so many great smells. While many guys would look away in disgust, I fell in love with Bath & Bodyworks. Give me lime! Give me raspberries! Just why do I have to be obsessed with the greatest of smells, fruits? People either laugh or look at me with their jaws dropped when I admit to sniffing Strawberry Shortcake's panties. In my defense, I was young, in love with strawberries, and in need of a legal high.

Sara always laughs at how their is a new smell on my cock. One day it could be Japanese blossoms. The next? It's really more of a mystery because I have over 25 different scents in my bathroom. While Sara doesn't like the smell of amber, I have a tendency to be mess with her by having my balls seem like they were dipped in it.

11). Ah, the inevitable threesome question that came up in an Italian restaurant, the same one I was asked to think about moving to Indiana. Sara once wrote in her blog that she'd get a slight tickle over watching my cock go into another girl. In other words, she'd be the third person observer that gets to view all my movements instead of having to shout at the ceiling as I pound her pussy.

First of all, I am completely monogamous. Some might see it as an error, particularly the ones that continue to hit on me. Those Bath & Bodyworks girls seem to smile a bit more knowing my cock is gonna smell really, really good. It's just that there is a slight scientist in me that would like to do some exploring. I've been with Sara for almost 4 years so my penis has not been in another girl for a long time. Add that to the fact that I enjoy scents. Voila! I'd like to explore two pussies at the same time just to compare the feel, scents, and enjoyment of it all. Trust me. If I'm in you, I'm going to see just how good you feel in there.

Sara laughed when I had a girl in mind. Mind you, I'm quite picky and take Sara into account on all this. Most of my female friends are absolutely gorgeous (a newscenter's anchor and a Puerto Rican I talked to today will give you an idea) but aren't as crazy as me. One that would be absolutely into it is now married. That's a total no-no with me. I'd never take the chance on wrecking a marriage even if the issue seemed impossible. What I wanted was someone that could get along with Sara as well.

One person I had in mind seemed to constantly go through bad days. Like Sara, I had this weird energetic want to please her while Sara looked on. I hate seeing people worn the fuck out by society's stupidity and would just want her to lay back for major fucking. Let me do the work by slowly sliding in to help forget about a nasty boss. My inner scientist would like to have its way by pleasing both pussies back and forth by feeling how wet, the tightness, and where her most sensitive spot is. I know Sara's, deep thrusting always gets it done.

From the way I see a threesome, it's just fun. The body was made for sin. There is a deep love of pussy when it comes to me. Its that smell, the feel, and seeing my cock's skin completely covered in wetness that helps make a day much better. This has to be under consideration by both and, yes, I'd love to see Sara eat pussy. I'd be down there as well after I've pumped myself silly

But the best thing about a threesome and a major reason for who I choose is what to do afterwards. You talk! Gawd, why just get up and leave!?! You need someone you can talk about music and movies with. There is a silly side wanting to be let out all while knowing that this is not an everyday event. Sometimes a girl just needs her pussy tamed and the girlfriend realizes this. For now, this is just a fantasy that came about when Ron Jeremy was surprised with around 15 naked girls in a room. After licking 3 or 4, he had to get his dick out or he'd burst. Why do I use Ron as an example? He actually cared about pleasing each girl.

Alright, I will be leaving tomorrow for Indiana but know this is not done. I've to do a few more things that need to be added to all this. Where oh where do I go when it comes to the enjoyment of having the Playboy Channel? I've learned so much from their sex news segments, foreign and domestic fetishes. I even have to edit some things in this enormous entry so stay tuned for me when I get back. New Year's Eve always brings announcements from within large groups like ours.

So, I will be back to place more things as well as add to what I already have. Stay tuned as I have yet to get to the most exciting things of all.........sex! Playboy Channel! Sarah Palin! Porn! My obsession with peppermint ice cream!

Just Don't Gulp 'Em

"It's cold days like this that my natural enemy bares her true self. When a boy like me has a girl that enjoys placing her icy hands down my pants to grab my balls just to hear me release a major amount of screams, it's just sheer will-power that I drive to Indiana so calm."

-Me

Found myself doing something I normally don't do, talking to a kid. It's true. Here I was in Barnes & Noble looking at the latest graphic novels only to get chatted up by a short chubby kid I'd still recognize with ease. A part of me wonders if the 2 Playboy issues in my hands caught his attention or just the sight of me scanning for anything new. The smart money is on his adolescent fantasies of hopefully one day seeing a woman naked without suffering from the burning itching sensation.

I saw a little bit of me in this kid. What I was curious about is what he thought of the new Wolverine: Origins trailer that made its debut on Youtube recently. Naturally, I was quite hyper about how I loved it. Some of my favorite characters will be making an appearance, characters that I know women will want to see. X-Men's Gambit has been getting the most buzz but, for me, it's Deadpool. Ryan Reynolds, ever since Blade 3, has got to be perfect for playing a comic book character. There are a few people that I wish I owned their bodies and Ryan is one of them.

Hence why I'm doing my best with the running thing lately.

It's just odd for me to actually talk to a kid. I hate them. It could be that I just see them as part of the ills in society these days. People are just dumber. Hardly anyone wants to learn. Go ahead, look at your cellphone instead of learning to add, subtract, or multiply. Care not for the feelings of others as you find yourself more in love with the amount of friends on your Myspace page.

Right now, I am reading 'The Harlequin,' an occult series book where Anita Blake is a vampire hunter out to help calm this world where zombies do happen. I can see why it's found a sect of readers, namely women and gay males. I only got into it by accident when I was looking for something that could take me away from my usual appetite in books, women with guns. In this case, Anita caries a gun but she also chops off some heads so it seems like a fetish for me.

What I found so amusing is that the character, Anita, has to live off of sex. Somewhere along the time I lost track of reading, she got herself into a mess where in order to live with all the animals within her (shape-shifting) she has to create the energy to substain all of them. In this case, it is sex. I dunno. It felt funny reading a page devoted to what it is like to be on your knees in a bathtub licking the water dripping from a guy's balls.

It must be fun to be forced to have sex with so many types of occult characters. Various shape-shifters have to take turns keeping our hero alive. Penises are presented. The girlfriends or wives of the males that must do this prefer it not be oral sex. Could you girls live with that? The fate of a large city depends on whether or not a woman has a magical orgasm with your dude. I know some girls that would be very, very upset if Anita swallowed so it just might be fact.

Of course, I have been hard at work using my mind to come up with my annual entry on the Year In Review. Good or bad? Piss me off? Who knows. I'm not quite done with these large paragraphs sitting around my head. I do know what some of the things are that got many mentions in this blog. This just might be the year I don't get as angry as I normally sound.

So, if your day has been rougher than you wished because you passed out in a very embarassing way, be glad the year is almost over. While you may need to be picked up off the potty, I had to chase my dogs down outside. Cold hard old turds make for great fudge-sicles, apparently. Happy twats all around.

Someon's Got Christma Spirit!

"I would like to thank Bath & Bodyworks for helping my dick to smell like an orange mango combination."

-Me

Well, I must say that nothing quite beats seeing our president receive the ultimate Iraqi insult, shoes thrown at him. What irritates me is how so many American people kiss his ass after 8 years of ruining America. It takes a foreigner to put things in the right perspective. Millions of shoes should have been thrown at Bush.

My mum went caroling today. That is all I will tell you even if the nursing home residents said her group did a good job.

Once again, I find myself in questions relating to Christmas gifts. What do I get Sara? I'm going the boring route because it's obvious that the economy has been hard on her. This means DVDs and a gag gift (sorta) all about someone I cannot stand. I'm in complete annoyance that she loves Tila Tequila, the Myspace whore. For one thing, she's incredibly vapid and in no way gorgeous. Angelina Jolie I can understand America's obsession with. Tila? No. She looks like something from another planet threw up on ours.

I'd rather be on a deserted island with MTV's Jesse Camp than Tila Tequila.

I've already got everything I've ever wanted. Shoes? More Air Jordan sneakers than I care to admit. Socks? A whole year's worth. According to Sara, I'm a girl inside. I take baths with smelly things from Bath & Bodyworks where my even my dog quesions my sexuality by sniffing me at a point that I smelled like black raspberries.

It's been a long weekend all due to the obscene traffic brought on by the Holidays. The mall is no longer possible after 10am. Best Buy is a place you have to fight for a parking spot. Borders? Oh, man! In all my time, I've never had to circle the lot for a spot. Let's just say that I wish fat nerds would move a little faster.

One thing I noticed at our Borders is that every one of The Dark Knight DVDs and Blu-Rays was sold. Every. Fucking. One. I've never seen a complete collection of movie sold before. All the Wall-E's, Narnias, Wanteds, and Sopranos were there. While it is nice to see such great taste in which a movie that questions what a hero is gets sold so well, it's gonna feel weird when pretty much every household will have a copy. Kind of reminds me of how I was so tired of Nintendo's Duck Hunt game because everyone had a copy. Fun but gets boring eventually.

Again, The Dark Knight is absolutely incredible to view. In fact, I would like to watch it again so I might buy Sara a copy for her DVD player since she has yet to upgrade to a Blu-Ray. 2 times in the movie theater is not enough to see Heath Ledger's Joker.

I now find it weird to continually smell raspberries.

We are due for a snowstorm this week! It's been a while where I had to dig us all out. No one is in such great shape when it comes to dealing with Mother Nature. But I, yes, I am. There is something romantic about the complete quiet outside in the dark of night as no one else has to balls to dig with a shovel. I'm sure my family finds me retarded every now and then.

What keeps me going is knowing that Sara's mom is pretty damn cool when it comes to Christmas. Unlike my mum, she goes all out with a Christmas tree, quiche, and presents. This house has not seen such things in years because it gets boring when it comes to cash. Real men eat quiche. Real men also enjoy hanging up shiny balls around a fake tree instead of hearing how it's too much work to do.

So, a day is finally over. Renewed my gym membership and ran my little tired heart out on the treadmill of doom. Loved every minute when I had the feeling the cute college girl behind me got to see my tiny little toned ass move to the groove. Gawd, I so need a fine sexual release underneath a large comfy bed at this time of year. Lugging balls this big and full of 'poison' is not the way to go. Happy twats all around.