I'm Still Gone

I dunno. It's different coming back here after a long absence provided by Facebook. Do I miss it? Very lightly. No one comes by to talk to me unless it involves Facebook. Makes me wonder if people talked to here think of me as just some form of entertainment. Ah, the busy life. I've just celebrated 4 years with Sara and we behave like an old couple these days, too tired to fuck. Arguing only takes place lightly because we both fall asleep so fast. I've started chatting up people I haven't seen in over 10 years thanks to Facebook. IM'ing is fun because at least one of my friends is on throughout the day or night. Seen the new movie, Let the Right One In? Haunting vampire movie where a 12-year-old girl is lonely enough to strike up a friendship with a bullied boy next door. Found myself cheering when one of the bullies was beheaded. Little kids can be so cruel. Happy twats all around.

Goodbye?

This just might be the end. My readers have disappeared. I'm more involved with Facebook. Hardly anyone speaks back to me on this blog and I grow bored when people have nothing to say. We'll see............

Experiencing computer problems. Thanks for asking. Might be back.

Afros And Dildos

"This week, I got by with a little help from my friends."

-Me

Never mind the snow. I sure as hell don't. Never mind the mindless idiots at work. I sure as hell didn't. Why? This is going to sound weird but Facebook has now provided me with the ability to ignore the frustrations that seemed to plague my whole existence.

It's weird to find that all sorts of people found me just because I typed my name into a website. While I was fearful of people I hate shoveling it high and hot, this hasn't been the case at all. I'm now back to talking to a few people I haven't heard from in so long that the good memories creep back in. Facebook is a whole network of people being plugged in so keeping in touch has become simple for me. No more keeping track of a mass of emails. No more hating how so many people read my blog only to never announce themselves. I'm free!

Of course, I got lucky at work. Someone shipped a large box that fell apart. In it was a large amount of 60's and 70's porn for projectors. Large amounts of pictures of various women of all sizes with massive bushes! It was hard not to laugh as my male co-workers had a blast knowing their grandparents probably rubbed 'em out to these protected works of art. Who would have thought that interracial porn was so rebellious back then since we're so used to it now?

So, I'm off to sleep soon due to a doctor's appointment. The snow is kind of pretty to look at from the window but a major bitch to deal with once you set foot outside. Happy twats all around.

Now On Facebook

"New things to do. People to amuse me."

-Me

Since things have been so quiet here on the blog-front, I've been playing around on Facebook. As you know, Sara signed me up. Good thing. It's like a new toy for me and I find myself laughing at some of the things our tight-knit group comes up with. For one thing, people pretty much comment all the time or come up with something to say, something that's dying here on Blogger.

I'll blog but I really like keeping up with the group of people from Indiana right now. If you want, come to Facebook and send me a poke that you'd like to add me as a friend. This means you know my name or email address used in the search feature. You'll get to see the group of people that keep me so young as a reward.

Be warned: white trash has learned to use the Internet. Why would you be so proud of your night at Chuck E Cheese after the age of 10?

So, hang in there. I'm still here. 2 people added me today and plenty more to come as I've found some of my old high school chums. It's amazing to know where some people ended up. Never go full-retard is my advice of the day. Happy twats all around.

Spoken To Like A Child

"Never ever be so gullible as to trusting those in politics by turning your back."

-Me

Today was historical. Not only do we have our first black president but I got a verbal warning at work. There is nothing better than to now remember the most frustrating event forever and ever. I should be celebrating the leaving of a 'C' student from the most powerful position in the world. Instead, I am cursing the hells of employment.

The most important thing is, of course, Obama. It's fascinating how just the color of his skin has many people up in arms. I'm a realist and know how so many white Republicans see this election as being tainted due to this. Just look at some of the infamous Myspace pictures put up by these people. Yeah, the 'N' word gets thrown around along with how great Jeezus is. Why is it that many sat so quiet while Bush made mistake after mistake? Whites can be extremely dumb, too.

Whatever your belief, I must say that Obama better get to work because this world is beyond a mess/crisis. We've got more people out of work than I've ever seen in my life. It's no longer considered a diss when mentioning the fact you are unemployed. It's just that fucking hard to get a job where you can live while, yes, there are still people too lazy to do anything about it. Hell, no one wants my job and I'll get into that......

Today, I got a verbal warning. I kind of laugh about it because it made me feel like I am back in high school again. Then again, it could be how my boss, younger than me, feels the need to talk down to me. So, I missed one day due to being in Indiana. Ya know what? I've come in extremely sick yet told to work faster/harder. There have been times I've come close to throwing up but I trekked on. This all comes after learning that all this treating us as children is due to our bosses making a little extra change off of our hard work. Do we see a dime?

I'm not the type to not show up for work. I've got a life, ya know? It just so happens to be a bit over an hour away. Nice one if a guy can get it. A job's just......a job. I do it and leave. These aren't the types of people I'd normally hang out with but work with. When I see bad treatment, I'm not going to give it over 100%. What idiot would allow others to make more money off of the sweat of others? You'd be crazy since I see a lot of on-the-job injuries. Ask me about which bodypart feels like it's going to fall off.

Nothing's going to change. I'll probably be getting verbal warning from here on out due to these new policies that come out of nowhere. See? The bad economy gives managers the feeling that they can look down at us while they just stand there watching us run around like little trained maniacs. I'm not one of those. I tend to run with the bad crowd and just do what I am told without all that ass kissing.

Had a good time in Indiana so a verbal warning was worth it. Came back today to a happy little dog and feeling a bit more energetic. Rough sex tends to get things going again all while relaxing the body's frantic state.

One thing is new. I'm now on Facebook. Oh, how I've crumbled and bowed down to the Internet thanks to Sara's signing me up. I'm now faced with possibly talking to people I've not seen for over a decade. Many rightfully so. There's a few I'd like to see what's happened to them but not many. I'm wary of those that wore out their welcomes years ago and I must admit to being easily agitated over old memories that haunt me. We'll see......

So, I leave with a little anger but also happiness. I'm my own person all while being happy that we seem to have a good guy in charge of the U.S. Will people stop hating us? Can we send the racist Republicans into the sea to be shark chum? Happy twats all around.

Redder Than You

Hi, we're at -20 degrees. How are you? Do you know what it's like when you step out into the night's air and feel as if your ears are going to fall off? Do you have a nose? It'll be redder than Jenna Jameson's clit after an all-night sex session. Are there boogers in your nose? Gonna feel like a whole mass of 'em decided to band together and get harder than a 10-year old pile of dogshit. Got all your fingers? Aint gonna be able to close your hand, motherfucker.

To all of you that complain while living in 60 degree weather........I say y'all are a bunch o' day old flimsy dirty laundry. I'm a polar bear. 10 degree weather means nothing to me. But at -20 degrees? I'm beginning to wonder if I'm as hung as Sara says I am.

I can be thankful of one thing. The old man didn't reek of messy ass. There is hope in the world for at least one thing went right.

Something New. Something Brown.

"Oh gawd, no! Ah's gots to get up, work out, eat lunch, go to work, come home a mess, find something to keep me from getting depressed, go to bed, and repeat!"

-Me

The smell of ass is not a nice smell. Am I right, ladies? It's one of those odors that can really hit your nose so hard you'll feel like a boxer hit it perfectly. How is it possible for someone to forget to wash their ass?

I must be cursed for the last two moments of employment have brought me into buildings occupied by a co-worker that does not bathe. Remember way back when when it came to Stinky? Oh, how I have not forgotten a fat nerdy white guy that smelled worse than the typical Muslim forgoing deodarant due to religious reasons. Those were the days where I didn't need to call out Stinky's name. I could just point my nose up in the air and, depending on how strong the smell of him was, clearly told me where he was.

Plus, I will never forget Stinky's sudden blurting out that he masturbates to Japanese Manga movies, cartoons with exaggerated breasts and penises. The moment this happened made work go by so fast that night.

So, let it be known. I have spent the last 3 days working in an environment where one of my co-workers has taken a dump in his pants to announce his presence. "I am here! Let my turds be known!" I shit you not. I've spent time during out meetings before work even takes place keeled over due to the smell of the man. Somehow, I am admitting that I will take back the smell of Stinky if it meant ridding these new fumes.

It is a first to work with someone that reeks of shit. This place has warned this old man, from what I've been told. I'm not sure why it has no effect. You'd think that people nearly dying all around you would make you take notice that it is time to wash that old ass. Even a comedian my parents loved had a perfectly named title:

"You've gotta wash yo' ass."

I couldn't have said it better myself. No one likes to smell like poop. Well, maybe kindergarteners or those younger. Hell, I'm sure there is a kid you remember from school that would come smelling like shit. We had one, white kid with a gigantic ass named 'Clay.' Many a person was known to get sick sitting behind him.

I know this entry sounds weird but I'm in need of a venting. I'm extremely senstive to smell and will bask in the glories of those that I love. There is something that makes me as high as a sprite when it comes to Japanese blossoms, vanilla, amber, and especially strawberries. Of course, I do love the smell of pussy and if you sit in front of me clothed, with your legs spread, I can tell you what yours smells like. My only issue, even with the ones before, is that your pussy doesn't have too strong of a smell.

Shit and ass just ruin my days at work now. How can someone go to work smelling like this all while walking around with filthy skidmarks!?!

In other news, my mom and I have patched things up for now. Work sucks even more because of something I cannot understand. The weather is absolutely awful. I need sex. An Italian girl that is very shy in my gym has a crush on me. Old Nick has given me an idea as to how to make mowing your lawn much more fun (Hint: It involves beer). I'm going to Indiana this weekend.

Should I talk of the swingers Sara and I met on New Year's Eve? Due to my inner horniness where I try to avoid realizing that an older guy nearby smells of shit, my mind goes there.

So, I am outta here during another fine day of coldest of cold air making itself known. Only the true freaks of the gym go at this time. Funny to see the shy Italian girl that will not miss a moment of running nearby me. She's nice so I have coaxed out smiles from her rather than her typical scowls. Hard to explain but she is so guarded until you knock down that shyness. Working out is more fun when everyone around you is open to being goofy. Happy twats all around.

Mothers

"Hell hath no fury like a son pissed off over a mother's mistake towards his girlfriend."

-Me

Well, that's a kind of a good quote but only if said mother actually understands the fucking damage she does when opening her fucking mouth.

Moms. Can't live with 'em. Can't understand why they still have no understanding over the concept of sharing.

Life just got more complicated. It looks like Circuit City, the second most well-known leading electronics seller, is going to completely fold. The reason why this is bad? Someone has to keep Best Buy honest. Trust me. Those boys are pretty damn sneaky on how they run things. Best Buy rips you off, here and there, by running as if its taken over Wal-Mart's ways. Don't get me wrong for I do like Best Buy. They're just sneaky......even if Circuit City was kind of a ghetto version of it where the parking lot was pretty much empty at all times.

Plus, our WaldenBooks is closing! Wow! That store has been open forever in this town so it'll feel odd with it being gone. It holds something special with me because I bought my first Playboy from there. The first time went great but then I was carded. Actually, let me tell you the story.......

A long time ago, I went to WaldenBooks for no reason other than to browse. Somehow, I just decided to pick up the newest issue of Playboy at the time. There was nothing else there that amused me so why not? The model, Stephanie Seymour, was on the cover and I was curious as to what kind of bush or no bush she had. Trust me. The slightest hint of pubic hair displayed to a 16-year-old causes mild convulsions in the crotch area, very pleasant, too. Lucky for me, the clerk let me go out the door with that issue of Playboy. My once shaky hands were now itching through the issue's pages in hopes of seeing the loveliness of Stephanie. Oh, was it worth it! There she was on a picnic table with a very obvious small snatch of hair between her legs.

Man, you don't know how fucking nervous I was to purchase an issue of Playboy from WaldenBooks. That day is forever etched in my memory banks of weird things that mean a lot to me. Hell, the guy that let me leave with it had glasses. This was years and years ago so it's obvious this memory means something.

Of course, me being me, I had to see if purchasing the next issue of Playboy would happen again. It's monthly, ya know. Sure, I had a subscription but sometimes the store got them ahead of me. Stephanie beckoned the call of nature now it was some girl in rollerblades. Nope. I had to honor the fact that I was turned down for being too young. 16 years of age just didn't allow this male's pupils to widen over the sight of personal hair now unwanted in this day of age. One of the worst rejections is to find you are just too young. I could be as ugly as a cat's butt. I could be as retarded as the high school kid that nearly bit me before boarding the short bus. I just couldn't purchase nudity because I was 2 years off.

Just to show my sadistic side, I do sometimes wish to hold the power of allowing nudie magazines to be purchased while working in a bookstore. I'd taunt and tease as I look up and down over someone that is obviously of age and ask for I.D. Or if it's a kid that is definitely younger than 18, I'd yell out for a price-check on Hustler or try to start up a conversation on the benefits of porn. The only thing is no bookstore sells Hustler. Plus, my own girlfriend would love to get into a long discussion on the power of porn.

My guess is that I'm the only one that's happy for Israel's fighting back against Hamas. Fascinating how there are so many protests against this. How would these naive idiots feel if someone constantly sent shells into their homes during a cease-fire period? Plus, Hamas sets up its headquarters near or in schools just to taunt Israel. Talk about not playing fair.

Yeah, I was here this weekend but a lot of distractions came up. Namely, my mother called up Sara to tell her to stay home. 3 times. This pissed me off. Sara was going to come here at some point but my mother was out of her goddamn mind for some reason. Sara needs sex. Hell, I need sex to keep the weird insect-like creatures from overtaking my already fragile mind.

Kidding. There are no 'insect-like creatures.' I'm sorry to say that, yes, my mind is fragile, though.

So, I must be off after watching FX's showing of Hellboy. Ever seen it? It's good but the sequel is amazing! Who the hell comes up with the idea of World War 2 soldiers finding a demon that was supposed to be nurtured by Nazis only to become a part of a team sent to help rid the world of bad things? Oh, Hellboy really likes cats and candy. It's charming when something destined for evil understands women's needs for the furry companions. Happy twats all around.

Benjamin?

"I'm motivated by the fact that I wish to spend my evenings face-down on the bar."

-Me

While taking into account this movie that I have been obsessed with but have yet to see, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, my girlfriend said something that reminded me of it. While the character played by Brad Pitt ages backwards, I don't seem to fucking age at all! Beat that, Dick Clark! I'm far sexier with bigger balls o' magnitude!

Okay, let's be serious now. I was laying around on Sara's bed (clothed, you pervs) and played around with the contents of my wallet. Lots of old pictures fell out, namely my high school I.D.s. Interesting. I'm pretty sure the last 3 years of high school were in there only to soon find my old college I.D.s as well. Then, came my old drivers licenses. Of course, they were cut in half but the pictures stayed. With all these pictures surrounding me, I showed them to Sara.

"My boyfriend is a vampire."

That's what she said. I don't seem to age at all. While I was only slightly skinnier in an old gym I.D. and various hairstyle changes over the years, everything else was the same. There is nothing to warrant the impact of age. Would I be perfect for the lifestyle I do have a tendency to remember?

"Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. It's fun to be a vampire."

If you didn't grow up in the 80's, this movie quote will baffle you a bit. People I come across from high school or private school look like shit. Fat bloated people that gave up on life just don't interest me. Why do people think that the best thrill is coming home from work and flipping channels?

Then again, I could be labeled as a retard for enjoying the high caused by a 25-minute treadmill run that leaves me wondering my own sanity. I must be the only one that gets excited about reaching the machine's readout that tells me I burned 100 calories in less than 10-minutes.

"Go retard, go!

I'm a little better. Depression seems to have hit me hard due to my evenings spent walking to the car with the collar of my topcoat pulled up. It's fucking cold these days here in Illinois. A few days here and there is no big issue but a whole week where going outside is avoided as much as possible? I'm not interested in pissing icicles on a tree.

If I don't go to Indiana this weekend, I might edit and add to my Year In Review. Who knows. I'm not entirely satisfied with it since it feels like all those paragraphs feel like they were spit out.

As for New Year's.......it was good. Found out you shouldn't leave a group of girls alone with a karaoke machine. Some of them butchered my favorite songs. What I really want to do is go back in time and sing my best version of Human League's "Don't You Want Me." So many of those girls had no clue as to how a lot of my favorite music goes. Each year, they do Billy Joel's "Piano Man" that's okay, nothing special. To really give it a go, play something that kicks things up and brings out emotions. You cannot go wrong with 80's hair metal.

Yes, there was the inevitable midnight kiss and I was super drunk by midnight. Champagne bottle in hand and lots of shrimp in my belly, that's how this never-aging-guy lives his life. The best part is being put on the spot during a card game. I'm the only guy out of 5 that can name a brand of tampon. Kotex. Somehow, I kept it quiet that I know Playtex Pearl Glides thanks to a girlfriend that gave me a lesson on how great they are. Remember how I used to have a huge fear of tampon boxes?

I'm still afraid of midgets, though. It's the fear of getting into a fight with one. What do I do, get on my knees and go at it? Or do I drop-kick the little shit into the next parking lot?

So, I'm outta here. Card games that bring out a vampire's tampon knowledge. It almost sounds like the two go together. Get it? The best part is forcing all the girls playing to take a drink. Why? They all admit that they gave blowjobs at some point this year. C'mon, get happy. Happy twats all around.

No Likey

Have you ever hated yourself for a period of time? My moment has been going on since New Year's Day and it really hurts when all I can think about is how my Year In Review was far too open. Me, me, me is not the way to go!