Sneaky Evil

"Just noticed the kitchen chairs propped up against the sink's cabinet doors. Just how strong are mice these days, Ma?"

-Me

We've got mice. I guess age makes you paranoid even when it comes to the smallest of critters. Or 'vermin' according to my mother. Just what makes her feel the need to take away the things we sit (or fart) on and prop them strongly against a cabinet's doors? The mice might free themselves to wreck havoc upon us! My DVD collection will be nibbled on and we can no longer find ourselves able to make phone calls. My cereal! Oh, my poor Raisin Bran eaten by the fattest of the lot!

I guess seeing Rattatouille changes things when it comes to the 4-legged sneaky little shits. Looooooved that movie. Period. Yes, I know it was about rats. Still, it makes me wonder if mice could think like that.

It's nearly Halloween so I must admit that I feel odd that I can no longer do my annual list of horror films that get to me. It's been done to hell. Not much has changed thanks to horror movies taking a turn for the silly instead of scary. Tempting to take a look at this flick called The Strangers that has gotten a lot of attention lately. A couple is terrorized by 3 masked assailants that just suddenly show up at their temporary house after a disastrous asking for marriage by the fiancee. She turns him down and here we go. Weird girl shows up asking for someone and away we go!

No, I have not seen it, just read a lot of good reviews.

I think a part of my fantasies has to do with having sex with someone that enjoys The Lost Boys. Sara does not like horror movies. I just cannot get her to see the logic of how great it is to feel scared. Give me the werewolf chase through the tube on An American Werewolf In London. Just how do British soldiers get out of a farmhouse surrounded by werewolves in Dog Soldiers? Can a team of girls that enjoy dangerous extreme sports get out of a cave filled with creatures hunting them in the dark when it comes to The Descent? While Pinhead of Hellraiser became such a boring toy in the sequels, the first two really did a number for people that enjoy rough sex. Hellraiser 1 and 2 are so gruesomely clever! Does the moment a girl gets her period really mean that all hell breaks loose where it also could be a way to describe slowly turning into a werewolf in Ginger Snaps? I guess you can say that besides my interest in the warmth provided by women's cunts, I enjoy the adrenaline rush of a scary good time.

My parents never allowed me to see horror films for so long. Lucky for me, USA Network played them in the middle of the afternoon, hosted by Captain USA, a moron chomping on a cigar. Two that come to mind are My Bloody Valentine (scared the shit out of me) and Friday the 13th Part 3. Good times! Sometimes, my little brother would sit in the living room with a walkie talkie warning me when my parents were making their way to my room. I'm crafty like that.

But enough of all that. I'm just pleased as punch that one of my favorite cartoons is coming out on DVD for the first time. Let's see........after GIJOE, Transformers, Duck Tales, and He-Man what could get to me in the same way these have?

The Real Ghostbusters is coming out on November 15th! Whoa! When I was a kid, this show had me glued to the TV. There was the eerie music combined with fun stories that were quite creative. Anyone remember the endless baseball game where the evil ghosts played our heroes? There are so many memories! I have to have this amazing set of 70something episodes so I can relive those times. I'll have every cartoon that got to me. Well, other than the Smurfs. Loved them but I'm more into creativity mixed with some smart violence. The possibility of 'smurf stu' didn't horrify me as much since Gargamel was too easily manipulated by unforseen events. Lovely theme song, though.

La-La-La-La.....

So, I'll tell all. I'm on vacation starting today. The timing is beautiful because I get to celebrate Halloween and see Obama kick McCain's ass on Tuesday while being in Indiana. Voted early, yo. There's a big party on Saturday where many take Halloween seriously. What am I?

I'm going to be Johnny Lawrence from The Karate Kid. Yes, that's the bad guy that got kicked in the face by the 'crane technique' after tormenting weak and pathetic Daniel in high school. Sara wouldn't allow me to change my hair blonde, seeing as that was the plan for yesterday. Boo. I've always wanted a Cobra Kai karate gi so that calms things down. Some martial arts experts that I work out with helped me by showing me how to tie a black belt. Just watch the big match on Youtube or something to see my Halloween costume. It shows my giant arms as no one will attempt a 'crane technique' on my ass.

I've pretty much always love the bad guys so it's no surprise that I picked Johnny Lawrence. Rob Zombie, while watching the making of his Halloween reprise, said it best in describing how great flawed people are. Totally good is just boring. There's no story. With Johnny Lawrence, there's a question of why he tormented poor Daniel in The Karate Kid. Yeah, it's great the good guy won but sometimes......sometimes the bad guy wins.

So, I will be gone for a bit on vacation in Indiana. Lovely entry, no? Hope you know what scares you or lived on some of the greatest cartoons like I did. I'm a kid at heart. Lovely demeanor and complicated as fuck when it comes to my head. Just give me a Bud Light Lime and I'll be yours for a few hours. Here's to hoping all of you get your pussies soothed this weekend. Happy twats all around.

Might Be Back!

"I love you, too."

-Sara

Been going all over the place I'd like to call my 'mind.' For the past 3 or maybe close to the full month, I've been either down or just plain out of it. There has been little time to recover any kind of energy in order to actually type things out.

Plus, I've been pretty busy this month. Of course, I'm still going to Indiana every other week. In fact, this weekend is a big Halloween party that's been planned for some time. While I had sporadic daydreams where I found a secret ghost-filled haunted house where I could dress up as any famous/dead/living/character that just so happened to find me reenacting Prince's 'Batdance,' I'm sure things will be fun enough for me. My guess is that my thoughts of everyone walking into a large mansion where the Backstreet Boys do 'Everybody, Backstreet's Back' is not for everyone.

What Sara did do for me this weekend was show me something I've never seen before but have heard plenty about, The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Holy shit! Dare I say that this old flick was ahead of its time? It's certainly not for the conservatives that will have a hard time with a guy dressed in panties, high heels, and.....well, you've just got to see Dr. Frank N Furter for yourself. Good help is hard to find when all it wants to do is dance 'The Time Warp' and forgets that no one needs 7 pieces of silverware for dinner (Go ahead and count them). It's no wonder this movie was made so famous with late night showings where people would dance and talk back to the movie. Just say 'Asshole!' when the guy introduces himself. 'Slut!' goes for his wife that suddenly finds she likes guys with muscles.

So, I must endeth here for now. It's pretty frickin' obvious that I just got back from Indiana and have a major need to catch up on all the sleep missed. That girl doesn't believe in sleeping. All sex should last for almost an hour. The cat loves me and watches over me in my sleep. I'm allergic to it so hence the sneezing caused by the little white creature with green eyes. Happy twats all around.

Should I?

After almost 3 weeks of not doing an entry, I wonder why I should even come back. I'm just too depressed to find a reason why I should write again. Weird.

First She Lets Me Peel 'Em

"The trick is to constantly lie to yourself that it's going to get better."

-Me

Saw a car accident on my way home from work. I'll admit that my first thought while being flagged into a different lane by the police wasn't sorrow. It was more along the lines of, "What jackass cannot figure out how to use his/her turn signal? Ever heard of using the brake? Did you put the cell phone away?" It's annoying to think these things but let's be truthful. When have you ever seen a driver actually doing what he/she is supposed to do, drive?

Fact: It was a blue mini van hit on the driver's side, most likely by someone not looking while on the phone.

I don't always talk about work. Unlike a lot of you, I am able to put away that moment in time and bask in the glories of watching various political shows. Porn is there when my body is in pain due to lifting very heavy objects, namely when my left wrist is killing me. It's that fucking bad, so bad that I cannot lift my small dogs with it.

But work is work. I find myself waking up in the morning not wanting to go all because of the abuse my body takes. Sure, I could go out and find myself a new job, something I think about here and there, but I think what keeps me where I am is the fact that being busy passes the time fast. I mean, it just fucking goes! Today, I was all over the workplace doing different things. A few of these were new to me so I went through a small amount of trial and error. It took me 2 times to realize that the label reader faces out of the belt. Pat on the back. No time. I'm now at a new dock.

Some people amaze me, though. There is a dirty little Mexican (aren't they all?) that does very well at lifting things that weigh almost as much as him. He and I worked together while I was happy that my lack of wrist strength was kept secret by just moving things along. If I had to do the little Mexican's job.........ugh. I'll be dead and laughed at. Here's why.

I'm big, yo. At almost 200 pounds and very little bodyfat, I get a lot of shit about it. People will playfully mimic punching my stomach or, if you're the lesbian girl, play with my chest muscles. It's cute here and there, discussing my workouts or giving tips that I've learned over the years. When martial arts fights come up in discussion, people look at me and debate how I would do. Remember? According to some people, I am a ninja. You don't hear much about American white boys being ninjas but apparently they exist.

Little do people know that I'm a mess inside. My left wrist feels like it'll come off. This ol' upper back is exhausted. Since I sleep face down, my shoulders are always stretched for some reason to the point that it feels like they got a workout. There's more but I'll make you think I am whining. My workouts in the gym do not cause any of this pain. It's my job where each day is a bit different. Sometimes I lift things that'll make your jaw drop.

The funny thing is that I come home and almost always come close to falling asleep by 8pm. Is that what it's all about?

I've got a few people that want to see my Halloween costume. Makes me kind of nervous because there are a few adjustments yet to be made. Two guys in my gym are going to help me with one of these and, no, I cannot give too much away. Sara might come out of nowhere to read this so I want the secret to continue. Her questions:

Batman? Nope.

Joker? Nope.

Storm Shadow? No-no but good thinking.

For all she knows, I could be fucking She-Ra or Strawberry Shortcake. Gawd, I remember the good old days of sniffing Miss Strawberry Shortcake's panties when the girls left them in the living room of the babysitter's house. Do you know how hard it would be for me to contain myself if pussy smelled as good as that!?! Strawberries are a weakness of mine.

Well, you should know that I am leaving for Indiana tomorrow, right after getting my ass in the gym and running errands. Leaving my town on a high after a shower and a workout is incredible. Down that interstate I go! Tummy is usually full of scrambled eggs. I'm hoping you, dear reader, are as good as I am at avoiding places like McDonald's. Nobody appreciates a fat flabby ass caused by gluttony. Oh, and I'd like to wish you all a great weekend at getting your pussies tingled. It's Fall, cool for you to get completely laid in a light wind. Never leave Strawberry Shortcake alone with me. Happy twats all around.

What I Value

It's been said over and over again that the American Dream is dying. You know it, to own a home and have kids jump over that white picket fence. Well, what if your dream is different? I've never thought of kids. In fact, I fucking hate the little pricks! For me, it's all about going to work at 8AM or 9AM and coming home to a nice clean apartment around early evening. Then, it's on to a quiet dinner with the girlfriend which is then followed by us hitting the gym. It's in the gym that we debate the latest news on CNN as we lightly jog on the treadmills. After a shower together, I might find myself reading or lightly flicking around with the channels. Hell, I might even find myself outside tinkering away on a hobby or two. I'm not one to sit around doing nothing but there is an occasion where I might drink a beer while enjoying a nice flick that involves a superhero or two. All I know is that the American Dream is basically, to me, the ability to find myself settled and feeling secure in some form of a home. We've got Clinton to thank for the housing problems since he thought everyone that worked at McDonald's deserved the chance to own a $300,000 home. Bush has put us in so much debt that I'm surprised he can count past '10.' My own girlfriend does not seem to know how to clean up after herself no matter how many times she insists this is possible. I just value neatness, neatness that isn't completely perfect. My allergies and sensitive nose make life difficult. Obama looks neat. My mom says I'm a good chooser of people with qualities. I choose Obama.

Not Gonna Put Out

"Oh, lordy, here comes Wednesday! That's when the strands of muscle on my left hand begin to feel as if they're about to come off. Bring on Wednesday!"

-Me

Yeah, it's almost like clockwork these days. As the week wears on, my body takes a toll. The closer it gets to Friday, the worse things will be. So far, nothing new has suffered. Still got my feet. Still got my thumbs. If a long box flips up and hits my balls, I'm done for.

Been watching HBO's True Blood show tonight. Took a little peek after the debate because nothing beats wishing being a vampire down in New Orleans where a sexy Anna Paquin tends bar. As much as it would be nice to do, the main vampire didn't use his powers to seduce her as you would think. Sure would be nice to not suffer the aches and pains of work. Sure would be nice to have amazing strength without having to pay for it in sweat with weights. But dammit, there's a mysery to solve down in New Orleans as someone's killing locals. The Lost Boys didn't make it out of California, did they?

The debate didn't do anything new for me. Still lovin' Obama with all my cold, cold heart's desire. It's McCain that has shown nothing of the sort when it comes to solving problems except to make more. 26 years in the government and he suddenly makes a false turn to solve our country's problems? While Obama brings up the desire to stop using our money for overseas fuel importing, that's gonna take some time. Why is it I hear about various local people being able to build engines that run on nothing yet nary a whisper about it nationally? Loved Rolling Stone's biography on McCain that did nothing to surprise me yet makes sense. A man that gets upset over an enemy's surrender all because he wanted to gun some more down is not one to lead.

It's weird how everyone is complaining about money woes all while my wages go up every 3 months. No one wants to do what I do. Our company goes through more employee turnover than I know what to do with. Say hello to someone once only to find they just quit. The deaf guy, a few veterans, and one Mexican are all I've known for the past 3 months. Our number of co-workers have gone up while that's just a temporary thing. In a few months, everyone's just too tired to come in. Give us your fatties and we'll make 'em skinny.

So, with all that in mind, I'm gonna get on up outta here, y'all. Want to go to bed now. But before I go, I tested out that Blu-Ray DVD player on a 1982 movie, Ladies And Gentlemen The Fabulous Stains. Put the disc in a regular player and found it to look like something from the late 90's. Tried the movie in the Blu-Ray player and, boy, it was clear as day! It was the 1980's all over again, just as I remember them! This little known cult movie with a 15-year-old Diane Lane was fun to watch. It takes talent to sing a song like "We're Not Gonna Put Out" in a very punkish atmosphere. Grity and so worth seeing with catchy songs for a surround sound system. Watch it. Happy twats all around.

She's A Goblin

"Where are all my ho's at?"

-Me

One thing that irks me is having to pay the goddamn car insurance. Sure, it doesn't come often, just every 6 months, but it still sucks to see a large amount of money disappear. And doesn't it feel like it's all over nothing? You don't really see much of anything after paying the insurance. No fancy schmancy gadgets for reaching a certain amount of time with your insurer. No car mat. No cheap watch. Just money gone. All gone.

Ah, the weekend. It's a time for all of you to do things or catch up on things that you've put off thanks to the insanity of work. For me, it's all about healing this body from all the beatings I take at work. My left shoulder is only semi-healed. The wrist is still questionable and will soon feel like it's going to break off again. The main amount of pain comes from the inner-forearms that swell up. It's been said that my job is a workout. That's true but I already work out and will take years to even be able to let myself go. With me, you've got a hardbody for life.

The funny thing about pain is that it can be controlled. Forget about it and you will survive. Dead right. Well, I noticed something about dealing with pain. Watching porn can help and, yes, I am being serious because for the first time in a long time I was able to forget about how much I was in thanks to my left wrist.

Let's be clear. I am serious in that being able to watch the porn channels on my satellite helps. Hell, I've read about a study where people reacted in the same way, by being administered pain while watching people fuck. Fascinating! Oh, are those titties!?!

It could be that I have this insane need to know what turns other people on or even to find something that gets my attention. Stockings do. Guys that put their dicks in pizza boxes before delivering them to 'unsuspecting' big-boobied blondes does not. First of all, he ruined the fucking mushrooms by putting his dick on them. I'm very picky on that, no genitals are to be placed on pizza. She can rub her pussy on Jimmy John sandwich, though.

Why, oh, why do women keep their high heels on while fucking? Just askin'.

I've got to admit that these POV porn movies where you are supposed to feel as if you are the guy getting your dick sucked can be amusing. Point-Of-View is important because it does give you to feel of what happens during doggy-style. Now, we all know that it feels good to slide a cock on in there but we guys also enjoy the sights, pussy lips being torn apart and that cute little puckered asshole just centimeters away. What could possibly go wrong?

I know, I know. Porn's not for everyone but it's got an accident-like timing. You can't look away when something tickles the dirty part of your brain. There might be something that gets your fancy about a certain guy's penis, girls. Or maybe you just get this incredible feeling when you see him really eat a girl out. Like I said, it's all about your kinky side but, for me, it's amateurs because enormous tittied completely shaved blondes rarely do it. There's something about a real girl, slender but doesn't look like she's been liposucked yet, left a few pubic hairs around her bush, and has an awkwardness about her. Professional dick suckers just aren't what they used to be because, let's face it, all of you have had a penis in your mouth at some point.

You'd almost get the feeling that if a guy pulled out his penis, anywhere anytime, a woman would automatically take it in her mouth. The guy could be in the middle of a barren desert only to find himself standing there while a woman just suddenly appears in front of him on her knees.

The one thing that confused me came when a college party turned into a few people fucking during it. Wow. I've never seen anything like that when I was in college. All we had was cops showing up to get rid of the underagers. What makes a guy get up, take his girlfriend off the couch while she's talking to a friend, spread her legs to reveal a very obvious pee stain on her jean shorts from all the beer, and fuck her right there? Oh, and they totally went at it like bunnies. You'd think that her pee stain would keep him from eating her out, sir? Totally wrong. It could be all his friends cheering them on that helped, too. I'm all for getting involved in an orgy but I prefer a cleaner environment.

I do not condone slapping my penis on the face of a girl. Wrong. Totally wrong. Nor will I insist she lick the cum I dripped on the floor, pee on her, or toss her dirty panties to my friends so they can smell them. Some things are just fucked up.

Don't think I only watch porn. It's nice here and there but it gets dull at some point. There is only so much penis drilling vagina that I can take. Gene Simmons put it best: "Why would I watch porn when I'd rather do it?" Having satellite with all the channels also means lots of Pay Per Views except the selection sucks this week. Doomsday was fun, dumb fun with cannibals. There are so many scenes taken from the greatest movies, Aliens, Road Warrior, and even Lethal Weapon.

Oh, and I got that Blu-Ray high defintion DVD player. Fascinating. A little confusing but kind of cool how there are new methods to getting where you want to go with a DVD now. You can play the movie and have a nice little pop-up menu appear if you need something else. No more going to Special Features. Continue watching while you attempt to find what you are looking for. I'm still figuring things out but Blu-Ray is nice.

So, to each and everyone of you a good night. It's close to another beginning of the week where I will be in pain, tired, and wondering if this is all there is to life. I'm being chased by a girl that works at a bookstore. Everytime I go in, I get seeked out. The thing that sucks is that I realize more and more how the economy has slowly started to hurt this independant bookstore. Less books for sale. It's always sad if a bookstore has to fold. Happy twats all around.

Collected In Ass

"It's official. Girlfriends make me fat."

-Me

Well, maybe not 'fat' as in huge round belly but more along the lines of putting on a few surprising pounds because we are desperate for Wendy's again. Spicy chicken sandwiches are a known weakness of mine made even worse after 6 Bud Light Limes.

I'm not one to over emphasize my weight. In fact, I like it where it is, 193 pounds and somewhere around the less-than 10% bodyfat range. Trust me. That bodyfat number is far more important than the number of pounds hanging around. It's just that I notice how I always find myself a few pounds more after a trip to Indiana. 2 days later? Gone! Gone like yesterday's fart. It's like clockwork because I stand there on the scale at the gym each morning the day after I get home. Same number of pounds. Day 2? We have lift-off.

No, it's not easy. My body is taking quite a pounding at work thanks to the place being so understaffed. Tempers are short. Big motorcycle dudes look ready to cry. It's not pretty when those wearing leather are forced to show some emotion.

What is fun is working next to the deaf guy. For 3 days in a row, he's been right next to me telling me what an idiot I am in sign language while I tell him about Ghettopoly. It's great when a black guy finds racist board games to be something worth laughing about.

What is weird to me is how I got picked on about bodyhair yesterday. Took a few swings from my lesbian co-worker on the fact that I keep my 'pits smooth. Being told I'm nuts just for having no bush around my cock threw me off because, according to Sara, all the boys in our gang trim the hedges majorly. My only mass comes from my legs, hairy and proud, even if Sara has been hinting I trim them, too.

The one thing that got my attention is how I suddenly learn that black people don't have much hair on their forearms. That girl I was talking about? Brought over some co-workers and showed me how smooth their's are. Fascinating. I've never known that a major difference is just that, hair. Almost makes me want to grab a black person and feel how smooth their forearms are.

Trust me. Its gets far worse in topics when work is still minutes away. Boredom brings stupidity.

The only other thing to say is that I am about to buy a Blu-Ray high definition DVD player. I'm currently researching my options because half a grand is quite an investment. What with the new Batman movie (9th) and Wanted (2nd) due out in December on the format, I want to catch up. I'm kind of a techie weirdo when it comes to my movies, wanting to watch them in the best picture available. That is especially true when The Dark Knight will have portions shown in IMAX viewpoint. Whoo! I saw The Two Towers in that way and was nuts at how amazing this looked.

So, I bid adieu to you all. The best porn of the week is about to happen, Biden versus Palin, in St. Louis. You bet I'll be watching. Will Palin fall harder than shit from an obese child after chilli? Or will Biden continue to run his mouth off on things that might be true but the American cannot understand? I've found Palin to be so close to a few of my old college professors that just couldn't conclude how stories can be seen in different views. Plus, no matter how warm they look in how they dress, it's their sinister ways and you're fucked. You know her Hanes Her Ways are gonna slide up her ass when it comes to getting her to understand that abortion is necessary. Nobody is FOR it but it is reality. Happy twats all around.