Women Without Light Are Horny

"Bald-O? Hey, what's up, dude? Long time no talk! What am I doin'? Oh, nothing much. Just laying here buck naked while my girlfriend takes pictures of my asshole with her digital camera. And you?"

-Me (What I said while Sara was doing just what I stated, just throwing out a possible hypothetical conversation if Bald-O called during it.)

Whew! What a long weekend! It's been a long time since I've stayed at Sara's for 5 days. Those days went by fast because it was all chaos and me drunkenly singing after a house party. Have I ever left college?

As weird as it sounds, I ended up at a wedding on Saturday. Let's just say I completely forgot about it and had to spend some time hoping Sara's dad's nice clothes would fit me. Or else I'd be spending 30 minutes prior to leaving in Target. I'm easy to shop for thanks to having a great size. Just too stupid to remember that I have to attend a building that would really like to see me burned up in flames as I walk into its doors.

Sara's parents' friends in college had the wedding. 2 people a bit on the large side, well, let's just say that the bride was pretty much on the looking-like-she-weighs-more-than-a-pickup type. Of course, Sara was a bit miffed at me for mentioning how awful she looked. You'd think losing weight before the wedding would be a good idea but noooooooooo. Cheeks of pink chunkiness very inclined to eat cake are so in this year.

Been a long time since I've sat in a pew. Spent so much time there in private Catholic school, only we had nice pads to kneel on. There? Nothing that I could find. Even the song books contained music I couldn't remember being forced to sing. Believe it or not, I loved the church music like "Eagle's Wings" so much that I enjoyed pausing to listen to people that could actually sing. My voice is more likely to be hell-bent on unleashing a drunken version of Culture Club's "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?"

That was what Sara had to put up with later. I was D-R-U-N-K after the house warming party that took place after the wedding. Showed up wearing the nice white button down and tie only to walk back to the car carrying it in my arms. No, I didn't just decide to take off my clothes in this freshly bought house. Just didn't want it reeking of booze when I had to give them back to Sara's dad.

I think Sara finds it funny when I'm drunk. While there have been times that my temper flares up to which everyone has had a look of horror on their faces, I'm pretty much a merrily singing weirdo. Every damn song I could come up with was suddenly sent out of my mouth, garbled or unintelligible is up for debate. I just like weird shit. 4 beers and 1 margarita send me into a whole other universe where Sara must drive my stinkiness home. I like my life. I like it very much.

So, I must tell you the inevitable. I'm fucking tired and broken. Thanks to a major chest workout yesterday in an upscale gym, my chest is so sore. Work brought a sore left hamstring. Walking the dog tonight brings tired feet. We've yet to mention how Sara just suddenly decides to fuck me late at night. Why is it that women just cannot make up their minds? I asked her nicely if there will be sex before turning out the light. "No." Next thing I know there is a dark object sitting on my crotch wearing nothing but a smile. Ah, nothing like waking up with a sticky dick in the morning. Happy twats all around.