Vote Obama, Bee-yotch

"Don't be a dummy. Vote Obama!"

-Me

Wasn't that one of the most beautiful speeches? I'm always critical of politicians when they say all these things in hopes of you voting for them. Mucho ass kissing. How can they do these things while keeping fingers crossed? For 8 years, we have seen jobs leave us to an overseas area where Pablo now answers the phone for questions on how to stop your streams from crossing. I know, I know. Bad Ghostbusters joke. It's just that I watched Obama's speech in complete awe. Everything and I mean EVERYTHING I've constantly harped about was hit. It's time for those wealthy few to allow those that weren't born with silver spoons to enjoy life again and not have to come to work sick and tired all because of losing a paycheck. No one wants to have to choose between work and caring for a sick relative. And can we please put a couple in the White House that looks like they have hot nasty sex!?! People that get laid are much happier people.

I know Sara will come up with a joke or two about a certain gal in love that's totally for 'licking the presidential penis.'

I know Sammy will bitch me out about how great McCain is or could be better. Whatever. I'm just not into being led by an old man with a well-known ability to throw temper tantrums, has never had a payroll, swears he is perfect for leading the military even though most of his time was spent in a cage, marries rich white women, does not know how many homes he owns, and is older than Alaska. You can have him! Those with no heart or love of this country deserve to live on an island with McCain as he whips you on your third job of the day just to make ends meet.

I'm leaving tomorrow. Sara said that it's best to celebrate my birthday early since it's a three day weekend. Of course, that means a major cookout with the gang I've come to feel close to. You would, too, after drinking many beers down in a large basement around a big screen TV. Beer Trek lives on! A shirtless William Shatner makes us all reach for that alcoholic beverage. Even alien women love the manliness of tight Star Trek uniforms.

Set phasers to discreet lovemaking and make it quick, Scotty!

Another reason I am leaving early is because I am calling in sick from work. Boo-hoo. My boss from hell has made his wretchedness known. Fuck him and his need to piss everyone off. What was once a nice quiet place is now filled with my co-workers worn the fuck down. Yes, it's hard work. Yes, it's always been that way but we live under the whip of a little annoying fucktard that doesn't grasp the fact that we need water and pee breaks. Our bathroom time is now monitored.

I can't tell you where I work. Let's just say it's well-known company that prides itself on being a great place to work. Yeah, when our managers actually do something instead of standing around laughing over something said by a co-worker. I saw one guy hurt his foot only to be ordered back to work. I, on the other hand, had to pee fast. The final straw was the cookout for people in the company but not us, not us lowly of the low. Fuck 'em. I'm going to heal my slightly swollen ankle tomorrow by not showing up. If I had felt great about working there, I'd show up with pride. No burger. No Ultrarooster.

This is what makes me so irritated. My manager that pisses me off is tiny. Physically, I look down at him and his little hat. When he has angered me, and it's a lot, it takes a lot of strength to hold back.

I value work. In fact, I love to work in order to keep my mind from racing away. Only, I like working for a company that doesn't lie about how it says it puts its employees first. No, the managers that stand around doing nothing get put first. No freaking out over an upper-level guy that insists on having a cigarette break. We don't get them. We're warned if we get water on a very hot day after burning over 1,000 calories. I don't like being told by one manager that I am great at what I do only to be told I'm too slow by another.

So, have a great weekend. Watch a lot of Playboy Channel if you have it. Get up and exercise. Walk the dog. Teach your kid the value of being kind to others and to take up better eating habits. Pour a little liquor out for your homies. Fuck McCain. And never back down when your boss is an asshole. Happy twats all around.

What I See On Playboy

"So, I saw what she ate for dinner when she showed me her butt."

-Me

Sorry about that. Last night's entry pretty much ate it. Only one paragraph got through while the rest, politics, didn't. I've never been lucky when it comes to the subject because no one really wants to talk about what's been going on in the political world these days. We already know that our lives are fucked thanks to a leadership that pretty much consists of a party of 3rd Graders that pick their noses after sniffing glue because their boogers taste better that way.

So, I came up with something to discuss that many seem to enjoy. Sex. Why not? I've not been as open as I used to be when it comes to what I've seen or done. Pretty much all my sexual fantasies have been lived out even if there are occasions where I do wonder about a threesome with Sara. Good luck to any girl willing to join us because Sara's pretty rough with her constant demands for more orgasms. The number's gotta be at least 7 or sex just aint worth it.

Now do you see why I get so tired?

As you know, I have the Playboy Channel. Add the others, Exctasy, ClubJenna, Penthouse, and a few more but I love Playboy the most. While there are the usual porn movies on it, it's not quite as raunchy as the others. In other words, there are no cum shots nor are there any scenes that involve female urination. Good ol' penetration is always there just as it's inevitable that the prom dress must come off for a good time. What did surprise me is that Playboy does some light bondage things but that's for another time.......

What got me to this entry's topic was the sight of a guy obviously in his late 60's sending in an amateur tape for all to see. In it, his wife/girlfriend that is obviously much younger (more likely to be in her 30's) and dressed in a sexy nurse's outfit is getting fucked in many different positions. I know older people fuck and I accept this. It's just odd to see something I've never seen, an older dick wedged into a much younger girl's pussy.

You'd be surprised as to what you see. Playboy has this somewhat interesting show where people send in their videos of themselves having sex. It could be solo, a couple, or a goddamn orgy of such carnage that even I get jealous. Let's face it. Most of us don't look good in bad lighting. Men, with obvious beer guts and a hard-on, look even worse. Oh, is that a pimple on your ass?

Why do guys slap girls' faces with their dicks? Can't figure that one out.

What's nice about watching amateur videos is that it tells you your sex life is not fucked up as much as you might think. People pretty much do it in similar ways. While I have a girlfriend that does not stop once she starts, there is some point where I can stand up and leave her on the floor as dazed as she is. Except, I tend to walk around with claw marks all over my body and a dick dripping so much cum that it takes a lot of kleenexes to clean me up. That is, if you don't mind sticky puddles in your sheets.

There is no perfection. What you see is regular people going at it. There will be those that shave and those that forgot or just don't see any need for a shorn pussy. Small penises will come out of the cave and inch their ways up. Some couples are extremely careful of the furniture by putting towels on the couches and chairs. The funny parts come when the guys have a hard time finding a girl's excitable hole and not the other. It's easy. You slide the penis's head slightly downward right below her asshole. Sex should come with instructions.

How do people do it? To show your most private places found in your body is pretty adrenaline filled. I'm not gonna lie. I have no problem with someone I know quite well watching me fuck. In fact, it's kind of sexy because sex is only natural. You do it. I do it. Well, I hope y'all are doing it because I hate to read that there are people out there with no one to jump on top of and fuck silly.

Unfortunately, there are mistakes that people make in wanting us to see into their sex lives. My favorite was the girl that took pictures of nude self in the bathroom. Lo and behold, right behind her in the toilet was a brown surprise. I get it. Taking an enormous dump makes you feel all sexy, yo. The Internet was at an all-time high in laughter over this infamous picture. That could also be added to the various people that forget to wipe themselves clean before their darkest place is shown. Baby wipes! Baby wipes!

Only ladies. Gawd, what is with you girls, at times? There is only a small percentage of guys that enjoy seeing a woman's most obvious sign of her time of the month, those tampon strings. I was hoping I would go throughout my whole life not seeing one. Damn, I've come across a lot of girls that pose for amateur pictures only there is an obvious string hanging down between her legs. Even an episode of Cinemax show had one that could be seen when the girl gets up off a guy. Man, is it too much to pay for an editor.

If you are daring enough, you can always gross yourself out by watching the infamous 2 Girls 1 Cup video where they........uh.....poop and eat it. Youtube has a collection of people's reactions to the video itself. Sara and her friends talked about this. A few saw the actual video while Sara is not interested. Can you believe that there are guys that masturbate to this stuff?

A show called Sexcetera basically introduces us to sexual things we've never heard of and probably won't experience. Did you know there is completely nude female boxing? New York has an exercise place for those that enjoy being dominated. It's called Slavercise. There is an island devoted entirely to those with money wanting to fuck the most beautiful women. Those brothels in Nevada consist of ugly women. The island has women that will make you cum once a guy reaches shore.

But if I've scared you off from ordering Playboy, it's really the classiest channel when it comes to something that shows sex all day. I don't watch much of the porn movies (unless they star Cassidey, a totally hot dominant brunette with skill) but I love the reality shows. You'll catch people being caught doing anything just to see a tit, a fake porn capital show where one guy walks into the cafeteria with his penis ending up in the buffet line, how a guy tries to change porn into something artsy, tributes to great icons thanks to Hugh Hefner, hot naked girls driving a bulldozer (I kid you not), and 69 sexy things you should do before you die. Playboy really has it all and continues to thrill me with catching up on stuff I've missed over the years. I never knew a naked girl can figure out how to use construction equipment. Good for her!

Gawd, my birthday is so, so close that I'm still nervous.

So, that's pretty much what it is. Yes, I have a life of many other things other than the Playboy Channel. It's just that there are so many shows that catch my eye and keep it there when I get home from work all tired. I mean, with the shit I do, it's nice to see a guy that wrote a letter just to get 5 girls to wash his truck. This means nudity. This also means that the lucky bastard just sits there in a fold-up chair watching as various pussies and titties move around. And I thought I was lucky. Happy twats all around.

Messed Up Entry

"No one is FOR abortion."
-Sara

How fun is it to see Hillary Clinton all fired up? She may not have been given the Democratic nomination to hopefully run this tired country. She may not have been allowed to show us how much spirit she has for the country. Gosh, isn't Hillary great when she gets fired up at beating an old geezer that thinks economic policies not working under George Bush Jr. should still continue? Politics are funny when you allow someone that loves power the chance to get a nice little speech in even though you know deep down she wishes Obama would get another eyeful of that ass again. Yeah, I love that infamous picture

We Had A Wee Stick

"Doesn't this feel weird to you, us carrying a home pregnancy test and baby wipes?"

-Me (in Target on Sunday early evening)

Yeah, beat that for a weekend. Sara and I had to deal with some things that came to light. Lucky they were all false thanks to a fucked up period that had a slight amount of paranoia. Every couple faces something like this at some point. It wasn't til late Sunday night after practicing sign language on the floor of the bathroom that we both sighed from relief.

Most people go into discussion over various things going on in their lives. Sara and I meet only to get into it about Obama's possible VP pick (we didn't know yet...) and how bad we need him to run this world the right way. I guess we've become a bit too into the political trail thanks to the rot Bush Jr. brought to us for 8 years. I mean, doesn't all the shit that's happened make you want to actually take on the most horrible of all topics, politics? No matter what, you can't escape something like this since it will affect your pocket money. America is pretty much broke from spending money it doesn't have. Our hatred for how things have gotten comes a bit from the idiots that think they can live like celebrities even if they work at McDonald's.

It's just been one long weekend for me. I'm tired, dog-fucking-tired after driving home only to go right to work. My lower-level boss is a complete asshole. Don't you love the types that talk down to you even if you know the little fuck needs to spend a couple days in a box with only two small holes to look out of?

So, bear with me. Sara and I had a long busy weekend and I need to rest. Last night, as always happens on Sunday nights, it takes us awhile to actually start to sleep. In bed by 11 but no actually sleeping til 1am? That's us. That's why I'm drained and that's why I barely remember turning towards Sara to tell her the comment from Summer about how if she had balls they'd be free to fly around in my shorts. Totally agree until you see what I'm hanging around with down there. Happy twats all around.

Swallow All My Pride

"Old men should not be allowed the keys to a country when they don't even know how many homes they own."

-Me

"Give me Aerosmith or give me death!"

-Me

Yeah, I'm finding that I'll just add a bit to my older entry. What I've noticed is that I forget what I say so easily due to all the things I gather in my head from just what I do daily. Even the peacefulness of feeding ducks had my mind rambling on overload while holding a small dog back. Never thought 5-Pound Phooey wanted to kick some ducky ass.

I read in a recent interview that John McCain has no clue as to how many homes he owns. This troubles me. Why would anyone want someone that has never had money troubles to be our commander in chief? John has never had a payroll to work with nor employees underneath him. It's all been government and we all know how that goes. Their minds are deluded into thinking that everyone shops at Neiman Marcus when there is a sale or Macy's on a good day. I don't know about you but I've seen a lot of home foreclosures and many people having trouble finding jobs. To add insult to all this, McCain wants to keep many of Bush's economic policies, none have worked.

So, why Obama? Well, it's like I've been saying over and over. This is a man that just recently paid off his college loans. No one paid them for him, certainly not a rich trophy wife like McCain's. Hell, Obama admitted to having dabbled in a little blow in college. Who here doesn't have skeletons in his closet? This really disturbs me how so many people do not realize how important this election is. Why would anyone want to place someone that just a lighter version of Bush in charge? It's like that conversation I had with one of Sara's relative's grandpa. The world's just getting dumber all while thinking that a rich mean old man can bring us back to the greatness we once were. Oh, and let's add those people that continue to say that Obama doesn't have a plan. Please. Do you think someone that's gone this far doesn't have a plan or are you that pulled into Fox News each day?

When has the U.S. ever prospered under a Republican? Certainly not Reagan.

There is a certain beauty in what you do at night when things are a little chaotic. For me, any change in a long-time routine can make me edgy for some time. Lucky for me, there is Youtube. Even luckier, there are a lot of hardcore fans of Aerosmith to help me through a night of wondering if I will get through a new routine. Don't you just hate it when you cannot sleep?

Just me on the 'puter with Aerosmith's 'Hole In My Soul,' Jaded,' and 'Angel.' Gawd, I loved those songs and the videos are purely creative. Yes, even Angel, as dated as it is, has a special place for me because I remember all those times MTV actually played this video over and over. Steven Tyler's brilliance at telling us that 'loneliness took him for a ride' always stayed in my head because I've been there. Am I the only one that finds trips down memory lane the best way to get through confusion?

Let me be clear. My birthday is not until September 6th. Yes, I will be gone and will most likely receive my annual blowjob-all-day time. I'll probably be a bit tired because work really does kick my ass. The penis does need rest and relaxation before it's back into that spirit we all love, let the freak flag fly. I get the feeling Sara really loves giving head. What impresses me is that not once has she ever accidently used her teeth, something that all men dread.

So painful.

Since the kids are going back to school tomorrow, I'll just say that this is the time I assume Summer to be over. No more screaming morons in stores. No more slow black teenagers that cannot figure out how to move a little faster. No more spoiled white kids unable to stay off the phone while the salesclerk needs info on something about to be purchased. Don't parents every spank or teach manners these days?

For me, this Summer has been about 2 things I've learned go hand-in-hand, Summer Olympics and having so many porn channels. There is something weird about being able to turn on the ol' satellite and find hardcore fucking in both holes. I'm probably the only person that thought anal sex was forbidden from being sent over the tube but able to be bought and loved in the quietness of your own home. You tend to pick up a lot of things after seeing 'Bang My Enchilada.' She's not really Mexican and many girls cannot seem to remember to take off their high heels. Is it really necessary to keep 'em on? Or is your ass that great while wearing heels in bed? Can a college guy ever remember to take off his socks or do blondes with big tits use some kind of voodoo? Is it really sexy when a woman looks into the camera while large amounts of semen drip from her face? How many times have you girls walked into a washroom to find women up on the sink washing their pussies and shaving? Yes, some girls shake their pussy lips after they pee when they can't find any t.p. Midgets on tricycles can liven things up. Unfortunately, I am scared of little people.

Yes, it's true that I tend to get freaked out over midgets.

But the Olympics? Oh, my! I loved watching the women's gymnastics late at night. Here you be after a hard day at work to find other people under so much pressure that it makes your day feel easier. I love it that there are other people that put in all that effort to keep the health going instead of being like the typical lazy American the Turkish couple and I complain about. Michael Phelps? Got to see most of his moments in winning those gold medals. How do you top something so amazingly difficult, winning 8 medals?

By the way, I never thought I'd say this. The Playboy Channel taught me how a fortune cookie is made. That's always been something I've wanted to know.

Plus, it's not just a fortune cookie but a show where a guy barely out of high school has started his own porn making in his parent's house. The thing that annoys me about this is that he takes the time to criticize other porn videos as beneath him while his aren't much better. Ugh. There is nothing amazingly brilliant about making porn! You can spruce it up with as many characters as possible but it's really all about the fucking. You have to hit a certain fetish type as well since your best customers come from all walks of life. I'd say feet are a big area to hit. Have you ever seen how a footjob is done?

So, hang onto any birthday wishes and naughty thoughts about me and my time spent here wearing no undies. Been enjoying this 'freeballin' thing like a mean mutha' as there's freedom down there for things to move about. Loved how many smart vocal critics have said it best. If you haven't figured out who you're going to vote for in this presidential election, you are a moron and do not deserve any sort of freedom in these dire times. One word: Think. It's the only freedom you have left during these 8 years of the Bush Regime. Happy twats all around.

More Than A Card

"I'm being a naughty blogger. Guess who's not wearing any 'support' underneath his basketball shorts!"

-Me

I'm questioning my possibility in going the douchebag route. I've been on a clothes obsession spree lately that doesn't seem to be able to stop. Ralph Lauren has stolen my heart. Damn him for making it difficult to find cargo pants, though. Not all of us follow the usual demographic when it comes to shopping for the good ol' RL. There is no giant bellow but small legs thanks to too many donuts in the boardroom meetings.

My upcoming birthday for September 6th has me worried. Yearly, it's something that brings along a lot of arguments over pointless things. Except, that's not the chief thing that I keep thinking about. Ever seen one of the most beautiful teen movies ever, Sixteen Candles? There was so much heart while holding on to the possibility that we can truly get through those gawky moments where horny Asian men can ride large Amazonian women on the exercise bike. My problem is that Sixteen Candles reminds me of that time not too long ago where my parents made me think that they forgot my own birthday.

C'mon, you wake up realizing today's the day you are exactly one year older than yesterday. Presents? Kisses on the cheeks? A horny grandpa telling you your tits are getting bigger? My parents made me think it meant nothing. Just a goddamn card with money. That's all I get on my birthday that makes me wonder why it is that I miss being a kid. Back then, get the money and go shopping for toys. Easy. Sentimental things meant nothing because the day was all about being a boy in a mound of dirt in the backyard.

Let me tell ya. Money only goes so far so that's why I like how Sara takes me out to dinner, just the two of us where we talk. Last time, it was Red Lobster because I crave seafood. Call it what you want. All I can say is that being with someone that shows she cares means a whole lot more than a pile of money.

Plus, who doesn't enjoy a good spanking? Birthdays are about being bent over and smacked pretty damn hard. If I'm extra good, I get something else massaged but you're probably eating while reading this blog. Should put up a warning that sexuality can bring about upchucking salad pieces onto a computer's screen.

So, there you have it. It's getting so close to my birthday that I dread and dread each closing day. I doubt anyone will wish me well because all I get reading this blog are lurkers galore. Ta-Ta. Happy twats all around.

H-O-A-R

"And from the Internet, we get a whole new breed of boy!"

-Me

I've been sitting on this for a while. What I find myself hating so much is this new breed of boy, the troll that blogs about nothing being great enough for him, namely females, and spreading only hate by commenting with horrendous spelling skills. "Whore" is not H-O-A-R.

I'm a fan of Nastia Liukin, one of the American gymnasts that got a gold recently. She's unbelievably beautiful and you can really read how determined she is at reaching her goal. Never mind how weird it is to spend your whole life training to flip over things or keep your body so abnormally young. If that's what Nastia wants, then she has every right to go for it. People think I'm nuts for loving that high I get from the gym.

I came across a lot of mean comments on Nastia's appearance, namely that she is said to have a huge forehead. Boo. What is wrong with these boys devoted to picking on the appearance of someone so fiercely determined? Spending such insane amounts of time by using pictures to show any little thing about a young girl's appearance is disturbing. Breasts are too small? Legs too short? No ass or too much ass? Ears stick out? I'm not kidding about how there are boys that are upset about being left alone on a Friday night with just their hand and an X-Box. Those ugly boys with large amounts of pimples and no ability to dress without suspenders feel the need to bring others down.

Don't even get me started on the most disgusting comments on Youtube. I like Elton John's music and I can say with absolute certainty that I am not a faggot.

If rumors are correct, Playboy Magazine is going through tough economic times. Not only are they going to stop the lavish parties after their legendary Halloween one this year but the rapper, Lil Kim, might pose. That just disturbs the shit out of me. Hugh Hefner once had a prominent magazine that dared to challenge us. Back when there was so much racial inequality, Playboy interviewed Martin Luthor King, Malcom X, and Thurgood Marshall. Don't know who these fellas are? Get thee to the history room!

I think it was last year that I got upset with Playboy interviewing 50 Cent. The man has nothing worth talking about. It was the same negativity and ignorance that seemed to reinforce the black community's hatred for homosexuality. You see, it's common knowledge that 50's mom was bi but he kept spitting hatred for gays. To me, it's ridiculous that blacks would dismiss homosexuals' need to be accepted by telling us its unnatural for a man to be attracted to another man. Should we assume that all blacks are too dumb for school when a large majority cannot even pass high school these days? Of course not so no one should tell me that their ignorant beliefs are what's 'real.'

It's funny how much better Penthouse Magazine has gotten over Playboy, these days. Gone are the boring out of focus pictures under Bob Guccione's rule. There's still the usual up-close gyno shots of some lovely trimmed pussies and hair-plucked assholes. It's just that Penthouse is a bit more fresh and even catching up with better articles. Who knows when that will be when it comes to fully tickling my mind because there are still a few things that need a change. Alas, that is for another time.

Don't you dare say shit about all this. I've found that a lot of girls love to look at Penthouse and Playboy more than guys. They're much better than Cosmo's need to tell you what is wrong with you girls.

I wish there was some sort of rule as to how clothes by various designers fit. Tried on some Ralph Lauren cargo pants only to think I'm fat. Me? Hardly but these 33-waist sized ones were a bit too tight while every other pair of cargoes is too big. It's always the same. XX-Large in shirts when it comes to Calvin Klein and Ralph. Bastards. I'm not a fattie but these guys make me feel like it.

Yes, there is still that scent of sex in the air thanks to the Olympics. There really is a weird feeling of euphoria when watching bodies so well-trained going at it. My deaf co-worker says he has a thing for the track and field women. Normally, he doesn't like his black sisters. But these girls? Some guys love the muscles. I can just picture my poor ol' co-worker bent over and taking a dildo up his ass. He's short so it's most likely going to hurt his teeth.

So, I'm outta here as I try and catch up with Showtime's Weeds. Thanks to having all these porn channels, I get to pick various things that I missed in all my time as such an innocent lad that once though all porn was alike. Not so. There are some girls that tend to pretend that erect penises are a chance to pretend they are microphones. It's always the quiet ones. Hey, we boys love that, though, girls that bring a bit of flavor to the sex. Happy twats all around.

Hard Nights

"There's something about a hot summer night's sticky moments."

-Me

Nothing like finding out a large bill due soon is actually much lower. If there is one thing I dread more than car insurance, it's gotta be my gym membership. Even though I choose the cheap student rate, it's still up there at making me feel like I'm ripped off. This year saw a lot of urinal explosions in the locker room (stank piss really, really reeks on carpet), various equipment needs to have things replaced, and the fact that the manager fired a lot of the people that made the gym so much fun has me wondering if it's at all worth it. The membership may have to be only paid 3 times a year but its still a wonder.......

Many weekends for this summer, I've spent time wondering if I am just catching up with the beauty of sleep. The amount of water I lose at work and in the gym is absolutely disgusting. This all causes me to sleep so much more than usual. No longer am I able to wake early without a care in the world. It's a force to be reckoned with when it comes to getting my head up off those pillows.

I'm a Fall type of person. Give me cool air. Watch me enjoy the sound of trampled leaves. Bring me to a place where I'm happy wearing my fancy clothes. Fall is when I look good in my gray leather jacket that just screams for me to get a motorcycle to ride around on.

Remember the Turkish couple? I found myself talking to the husband for almost an hour. Nice little guy that got my humor when it comes to the average moronic American. It's likely that there are some out there are worried about Russia invading the great state of Georgia, our Georgia.

I'm still getting asked about my accent. This little guy keeps insisting that I sound Australian while others insist I sound a bit European to the point that it's unknown where still. I love this. Sara insists she hears nothing when it comes to an accent while an ex says I totally sound mid-west. It's my opinion that I pick up how I talk by where I am at the time. Down south? I can drawl, y'all.

But what is Summer without the thoughts of sex? It's insane but I have a theory on something. I think the Olympics have caused an enormous amount of sexual energy needing to be released by all. I'm serious. Have you seen the images on the sites following the Olympics? Women's asses from volleyball to track and all the way to gymnastics. Never mind the fact that some girls are barely 16. These bodies were meant to sell.

How can they not? It's well-known that thousands of condoms are given out during the Olympics. All those toned tight bodies need a way to release all this major stress. Hardcore fucking is at its best! It would be insane to think that bodies like that can control themselves. I can just see it now. Romanians fucking Italians and that's just the girls with their two-way dildos.

I must confess that I'm in love with the Olympics. Did this 4 years ago, where I watched late at night. Now, it's like I feel this lust lingering in the air. Others must be feeling it, too. One Asian guy got caught fucking a park bench and had to have help getting his penis out between the wood. Can you imagine that? Being surrounded by a bunch of people tearing up portions of a bench that you just had to fuck is pretty damn embarrassing. Guess those images of women's bikinis wedged up the crack to show major portions of pink parts can really get to a guy.

Let me put it this way: If Misty May wanted someone to clean her panties with his tongue, I'd volunteer. Come Winter, maybe not.

Already, there are various blogs and threads started where women competing in the Olympics are given much devotion. More likely, lust. Camel toes are discussed and examined with the most articulate eye given out by the teenage male. I remember Sara talking about the 'bluges' packed tight in the men's swimming trunks.

Still......no one has balls like mine. No one.

So, I must be off in my land of lust. More gymnastics and my own take on what it's like to have every porn channel. It's Summer! You didn't expect me to whine like half the bloggers out there about how bad life is. Fuck that. The combination of semen and pussy juices in the air travel far and wide these days thanks to the light wind. Happy twats all around.

Foolish Naming Boy

"Thanks, Honey!"

-Me (at the dinner table with Sara's parents)

Remember when I said Sara and I don't use pet names? Well, I have somehow gotten it through my thick Batman kevlar protected skull as an innocent habit. This all became more noticeable while having dinner with Sara and her parents on Sunday night. It just came out. "Honey." Ugh. I hate that pet name. Hate it! Sara's parents got a kick out of it by laughing. Sara did not.

Today is the way I like my nights. Sore all while slowly recovering from my long weekend where I was pretty much everywhere. There was a local World Series going on that I must attend. My love of baseball when it's pure wins out every time. Hell, we even got her dad to go so I could concentrate on the game while Sara asks consistent questions. There's a lot of, "Why is that number.....?" Unfortunately, I did not get to see the final game where everything was decided. For that, I'd have to be without a job.

That J-O-B? Ugh. Still tiring on my already sore body's need to recover from yesterday. There is nothing quite like being thrown into the deep end of a pool when there is a large piece of cement tied to your feet. Of all things, I had to work with the guy that consistently shits his britches. Like magic? Oh, there is nothing like the smell of shit from somebody's ass while a fan hits you square in the face. Nothing.

Like a duck to water, my little 5-Pound Phooey was happy to hit the daily walk in the park. This meant I got a lot of little licks on my face when I arrived home. You just cannot keep a good tough chick like this down. 5-Pound Phooey becomes a whole new dog when I arrive. She runs all around the room in a show of happiness. When I'm gone? A lot of moping around.

A weird thing happened during a watching of the Olympics. Remember my starving cat? It came back and basically wanted to know if I'd come out. There it was near the window looking at me. Of course, I came outside to see if what I saw was correct. She got adopted and put on some weight. Fat Cat went nuts by insisting I play with her on the apartment's porch area just like the old days. It's kind of weird how I have this effect on animals. One brings me dead baby birds as a sign of affection while the other belches and farts on my bed. Guess who is who.

So, I'm still in recovery from the past 2 days. Time will tell you when I'm ready to do a full entry again. To some, it's horrible to set foot in the gym but that's my sanctuary to release all those fuzzy little issues roaming within. I feel pretty good. Tired but good. Even better since Sara told me my chest is shrinking. I'm probably one of the few males that would like to have a smaller chest yet still retain a bit of muscularity. My balls will always be the largest of the land, however. Happy twats all around.

Mom, Are You Daft?

"So, how much pussy do you think Michael Phelps is going to get (after winning another gold medal)?"

-Sara

Funny how when Sara turned to ask me this, I was about to ask her the same damn thing. My answer would be a little different than the one asked. Michael would be allowed to put it anywhere he wants for as long as he lives. Wow. According to Sara, 10 gold medals equals a lifetime of anal sex. I don't qualify.

Yeah, obviously, I am back. Just not in complete good spirits......yet. You would be, too, if you had to sit in a hot car for over an hour due to its overheating once again. The nice thing is that we now know what is wrong. The bad thing is that my mother thought I used the cell phone just to chat. Oh, yeah, sitting around on the interstate around the time I leave Sara's just brings me up this great opportunity to 'chat.' Yeah, because of this, my help did not arrive for a long time.

With all that in mind, my eyes have this nasty dry burning feeling going on. A hot car will do that so it's nothing that's a big issue. Plus, I'm tired and a bit cranky. The Olympics are on, people! Go root on the girls in their pursuit of gold. Cheer as you know Mr. Phelps will be getting some major ass upon arrival in the U.S. Laugh at how I read a book in pain due to issues with my eyes. I'll be back soon. Happy twats all around.

And Now For Some Brown

"Welcome to my town. The Hispanics are raping the local college girls. Our holier-than-thou whites want the public to pay for a parking garage we don't need by increasing the fees. Our blacks? Not only can they fail schools so elegantly yet blame it on teachers but even their bullets in gunfights aren't hitting their intended targets. Gotta love my town!"

-Me

Nothing like listening to the local news to make you realize it's not just you. Someone at work slashed my tire. Yeah, that really pissed me off when I pulled into my driveway only to realize that my left front tire became fucking flat as a pancake. Now that I'm calm, I can look at it and replay all I know to figure out who did it.

Isn't it amazing when something that you have no actual action into can easily cause a fight with your parents?

Okay, here's the deal. I parked near the shady characters that work in a different section of where I work. Trust me. They're pretty damn shady. Whenever I enter a parking lot, I scan to remember whose car is where. Remember the owners. Strange how I thought that I'd be okay with parking near a girl that I swear must be a meth-head. Two of her friends are pretty freaky as well. Everyone else? Cool.

I came back to my car and noticed that the meth-head's was gone. They along with only a few know which car is mine. Too much of a coincidence. This girl had to have slashed my tire and I'm pissed. Well, not just at them but our inept guards that can't seem to catch all the crap that goes on in the parking lot. One girl (a real idiot) had her car broken into 3 times this year. That's what you get for leaving your purse in the front seat but I leave nothing worth taking. I'm just pissed as fuck that all those cameras and guards don't pay much attention to our things. It's all about their stuff and, yes, I always lock my car doors, too.

When something like this happens, a break-in or nasty stuff that leaves you feeling like a loser, I go into this weird energy rage. Since this happened after work, I used it by working out in the storage room. Why not? I had no choice since I couldn't drive to the gym. Plus, I knew I'd come down and need the rest from all that burned energy. The workout did me some good because it cleared my mind and got me a bit calmer.

Found myself being flirted with in the bookstore before work. Nothing new there. It's when I was in the magazine section's photography area that I came across a book clearly read by teenage boys. Now, how would I know that? The pages where the pictures of boobies were was bent. For a boy, you'll never know when it's a clear emergency in desperate need of looking at tits.

What had me laughing, on further inspection (No, I was not looking at the titties of all sizes), was how the whole book was all about helping the most clueless of females. Do y'all really need that much help? I've known that just one zit can ruin your day but not knowing how to deal with a very serious wedgie makes me wonder.

The best part was the section devoted entirely to poo. Apparently, women do poop and there are some horrible situations that call for all sorts of help. There is nothing more agonizing than taking a monster dump only to find that your boyfriend or a potential one has to come in right after. What I love is when they added his family as the next people to walk in, as if everyone just comes right in after a girl poos. If that is a direct possibility, I recommend taking a brisk walk across the street into a McDonald's with a copy of Us Weekly. Just say that you need to take a call and hope the 'kids' don't drop off too early.

We're not done! Hell no! Women have so many problems when it comes to the bathroom that it's no wonder I've found my male roommates much cleaner than the girls next door. Wiping is a whole other dilemma where we must all rid the world of the most dreaded urban myth known to man, the skid mark. Oh lordy, I nearly lost it when a whole page was devoted to women getting them. Their solution? If the chaotic has happened where it's gonna take more than 7 wipes, wet t.p. under the sink's water. Good advice. Might want to pass that tip onto men but stay clear of the shit absorbing thongs. That's all they are. Really. Fat chicks leave behind pieces of KFC in theirs.

Then again, skid marks, to us males, are just 'battle wounds' that haven't healed yet.

I'm off to Sara's tomorrow. Don't wait up. After reading several stories from The Savage Sword Of Conan, I feel like a total barbarian. Whatever happened to a guy just going off in search of wealth and snatch? Reading through this graphic novel makes me want to enjoy having all this strength connected to a thick cock. You grab her after her first smirk. Hold her down on the bed. Yank those jeans off and smack that bare ass before plunging her pussy. Let's face it. I'm not that way. I'd turn to giggles when the shadows on the wall make silly puppets. Penises can be very distracting. Happy twats all around.

And It Is Written..........

"I just hate coming to the gym. But afterwards? Oh, I go all whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!"

-Me (I love it when a fellow gym-goer understands instead of looking at me like I am a weirdo)

Wow. That's all I can say about today. Work had me so winded that I look back at all that and feel shock as to how much I did. Even one of my bosses took the time to tell me how impressed he was with what I did. The only problem is that it all starts again tomorrow.

Happy, happy joy, joy! Found out that my birthday next month will most likely mean a 6-day vacation thanks to the power of the almighty Holiday. That means I can be pampered like the prince I am for a longer period of time than I usually get. As boys, it is in the Rule Book under paragraph 36 that we are to receive blowjobs each day during birthday week. The reason for all the oral sex being donated to the males is only to those that are special in using their bodies to the max. In other words, blowjobs are to be given to the ones with some sort of muscle tone from all the care put into them. Video game enthusiasts and lovers of Cheetos need not get up out of such comfortable chairs for the Rule Book. It's not for them.

To all fatties, naughty, naughty! Make your girlfriend want to suck the knob by actually taking care of yourselves.

Today was nice in that I got to run into that European woman and her husband again. She's more of an artist while he's the business side. In other words, I feel like I'm looking at Sara and I 20 years down the line. Scary. Scary in that our conversation went all over the goddamn place. Try fitting muscles, my birthday, satellite TV, and Playboy all in one while a small dog snoozes on the business's walkway.

Our couple is from Turkey. At first, I thought this was a country known for harboring terrorists but luckily I remembered this as being wrong. I don't know why. Of course, I was corrected while the two argued over various things that came out of my mouth. You wouldn't believe how much satellite TV caused this couple to go into spats over little things. "Where are the satellites?" "How much do you pay a month?" It's always funny to watch a guy explain the business/science side to his sexy woman (she had her pants completely unzipped again).

Isn't it great when an older couple in amazing health has so much sex? The typical American doesn't want to fuck his fatass significant other while those that refrain from laziness keep getting it on.

This is only the second time I've really gotten to talk to the Turkish couple. The wife and I had that long conversation that some might call intrusive in a way. But I enjoyed it. It's fun to find someone fascinated with how I think, as weird as it sounds. Many things were agreed upon while having to explain how I got spinal meningitis at the age of 4 got a surprise understanding. Many people I know don't even know what it is. What I love? They both take time to exercise by walking. While this little guy used to be a much bigger soldier that I can imagine, she tells me how much she hates muscles. What's a guy to do? Lose 'em but keep fit.

As for me, I'm still doing what I can to tone myself down. It's gonna be awhile when it comes to ridding myself of the largeness in muscles into a more lean look. So far, nothing's stopped me in this pursuit.

A new poll stated that almost 50% of Americans are tired of hearing about Obama. Love the guy but, from the way I see it, many journalists have nothing to write about when it comes to McCain. This Straight Talk Express has been more about doing very little. Obama's really out there and bringing in people to hear him talk. Looking presidential and causing the other guy to use lame descriptions by comparing him to Spears and Hilton. Gotta love the power of Obama because old men can be so demented at times.

Plus, they tend to smell when left alone for a long period of time. Ladies, keep an eye on your husbands if they are over the age of 65.

So, I hope you accept my apologies for this weird entry. I'm feeling pretty good by concentrating on how I can rest next month. It's not easy finding a job that lets you take actual time off these days. Not that I'm going to veg. Hell to the no! When it comes to going to Sara's, I've got an art show to help her prepare for, a comic book sale, and the continual saga of visiting my gym and shouting out "Whoo-whoo-whoo!" like Daffy Duck. Happy twats all around.

My Birthday

"Since when do you even admit to liking body hair!?!"

-Me (wondering about Sara's comment during a bonfire)

So, it's come to this. All of a sudden, work has increased so suddenly that I'm kind of confused. Do I like being there for a longer time? I know a couple co-workers are happy to find me still there instead of taking that long walk out the door. You know it well. Those sad faces that get even sadder because you, my friend, get to see sunlight.

Creativity? Gone! Gone like yesterday's fart. I've become so tired once I finally get to rest, after the gym and walking my dog. Sure, it would be nice to just sit my sore butt down but I get growled at if I do. Want to get skinny? Get a dog with attitude. There's just no beating the furry friends when it comes to getting exercise.

Tomorrow will make it one month til my birthday. Oh lordy, I'm just not ready for this. September 6th is something I dread each and every year. How the hell did I end up still alive after all the near car crashes, idiotic messes, and near drunken scariness? I still remember telling a friend that there is no way I am going to live past 25. Been there. Done that.

I feel sorry for Sara when it comes to my birthdays. What do you get a boy that has everything? While I can easily say that I like things that show you KNOW me, people constantly go for getting me things that aren't necessarily my forte. Give me a giant collage of pictures consisting of the one and only queen of my cinema, Keira Knightley. Find a white t-shirt that proudly displays a small image of the Batman's enemy, The Joker. Playboys from the late 1970's always make me laugh because it was nice to see bush, even if it was a bit much. Tell me I no longer have to pay for beer for a whole year for its on you. That book that the sex blogger, Violet Blue, talked about where a beautiful woman exposed herself in various public places. Just show me you know what I am about.

To give you an idea, I am wearing a t-shirt Sara got me a while ago. It's a Miller High Life one that has the most softest feel to it. I wear it a lot and, yes, it accentuates my biceps and chest perfectly.

No, I'm not a stingy ol' fuck like some people. I love getting people things after putting some thought into what they're all about. Get over yourself. It's fun to make others happy instead of using excuses to deflect from what a cheap ass you are.

So, life this weekend? Always busy. Always. It's impossible to remember things due to all that going here and there. It's almost like I remember things in portions like watching the Dukes Of Hazzard movie with Sara's friends, Eric and Andria. 2 kittens fell asleep in Eric's lap. Watching a tiny little orange kitten slowly lose its balance due to falling asleep is the greatest. Also, watching one accidently start a fight by slapping the other while attacking a string is great. Wish I could be around cats for a longer amount of time. Dogs are just better.

The problem with kittens is that they grow up to be cats. Kittens provide more entertainment than I can handle. Forget the TV. Watch a couple stalk each other while one attempts to use the litter box.

Friday was spent walking around the downtown area with Sara because she wanted to check out the art scene. Local artists put up various things to show or sell. There were $50 paintings and others up to $1,500. I had two that I loved while Sara found a few that she liked. The nicest thing is that the arts tend to bring about alcohol. Wine was in her hand while I had free beer. Trust me. If guys knew they could have free beer, there would be more of 'em walking around acting as if they knew what a piece of art stood for.

There was a lot of cheese, too!

Saturday brings a tradition that had been put on hold, Beer Trek. It's simple. You drink beer while watching old Star Trek episodes. Reminds me of Playboy's putting up movies on their Movie Nights. The only thing missing is someone standing up and explaining the history of the episode, only we drink when various things come up. Bones says he's a doctor? Drink! Looks like Captain Kirk got some alien nookie? Drink!

We're weird. We don't care what you think when we're having fun down in the downstairs area of a house. There's lots of beer, two kittens, and a discussion on the porn star, Ron Jeremy. Just doing that reminds you that even the cleanest of people have taken the time to watch some good ol' porn.

So, I leaveth you here. I've got a few things to do as I had dreams that my birthday was all about 2 of the directors of my favorite Batman flicks came by with Prince to play a special concert. Gawd, I loved "Batdance" and "Party Man." Plus, various stars came to wish me, in Joker face paint, the time of my life. That's what it's all about. Enjoy it while you can. Fuck the world. Learn to accept the music of Prince. Happy twats all around.

Babe. Not the Pig

"Thanks, babe."

-Me (doing my best to annoy Sara at Target)

I've always found pet names to be too corny for me. Sure, people have them for each other when it comes to being a couple but why? I don't mind the occasional 'sweetheart' but 'hon' and 'sweety-poo' will only irritate me. I'm going to go for the hypocritical route by saying that I get a kick out of old people doing it. When a 70-year-old woman yells out to her husband, "Bitch, get in here!" I get a good laugh.

Though, I do understand the moment when you are in trouble, the full name comes out. Somehow, upon buying a couple of toys at Target, I got a "Michael" instead of the usual "Mike." Of course, that also comes with a certain look.

Loved getting home with no car trouble. Just me on the interstate at a reasonable speed, unlike last time at 90mph. Too much construction on the way made the drive even slower.

Wasn't MTV's True Life segment on deafness cool? I got really lucky to see that because I just happened to be passing channels when I woke up.

I'd like to write more but I've had a very long day. Work went longer than usual on this hot, hot day that found me almost throwing up. My plain white t-shirt looked like a hose hit it full blast. There was no workout due to the very large loss of water that made me so drained when I came home. 5-Pound Phooey, on the other hand, continued to insist I take her on a walk. Impossible. I attempted a nap that was interrupted several times by her need to run along my back. My batteries need a recharge because I've now got shopping to deal with tomorrow. There's lots to tell since Sara and I ended up stuck seeing a movie filled with pathetic attempts of action. If you've seen The Dark Knight, you'll know that movies can be made to greatness. The new Mummy was not even close. Happy twats all around.