And Now For Some Brown

"Welcome to my town. The Hispanics are raping the local college girls. Our holier-than-thou whites want the public to pay for a parking garage we don't need by increasing the fees. Our blacks? Not only can they fail schools so elegantly yet blame it on teachers but even their bullets in gunfights aren't hitting their intended targets. Gotta love my town!"

-Me

Nothing like listening to the local news to make you realize it's not just you. Someone at work slashed my tire. Yeah, that really pissed me off when I pulled into my driveway only to realize that my left front tire became fucking flat as a pancake. Now that I'm calm, I can look at it and replay all I know to figure out who did it.

Isn't it amazing when something that you have no actual action into can easily cause a fight with your parents?

Okay, here's the deal. I parked near the shady characters that work in a different section of where I work. Trust me. They're pretty damn shady. Whenever I enter a parking lot, I scan to remember whose car is where. Remember the owners. Strange how I thought that I'd be okay with parking near a girl that I swear must be a meth-head. Two of her friends are pretty freaky as well. Everyone else? Cool.

I came back to my car and noticed that the meth-head's was gone. They along with only a few know which car is mine. Too much of a coincidence. This girl had to have slashed my tire and I'm pissed. Well, not just at them but our inept guards that can't seem to catch all the crap that goes on in the parking lot. One girl (a real idiot) had her car broken into 3 times this year. That's what you get for leaving your purse in the front seat but I leave nothing worth taking. I'm just pissed as fuck that all those cameras and guards don't pay much attention to our things. It's all about their stuff and, yes, I always lock my car doors, too.

When something like this happens, a break-in or nasty stuff that leaves you feeling like a loser, I go into this weird energy rage. Since this happened after work, I used it by working out in the storage room. Why not? I had no choice since I couldn't drive to the gym. Plus, I knew I'd come down and need the rest from all that burned energy. The workout did me some good because it cleared my mind and got me a bit calmer.

Found myself being flirted with in the bookstore before work. Nothing new there. It's when I was in the magazine section's photography area that I came across a book clearly read by teenage boys. Now, how would I know that? The pages where the pictures of boobies were was bent. For a boy, you'll never know when it's a clear emergency in desperate need of looking at tits.

What had me laughing, on further inspection (No, I was not looking at the titties of all sizes), was how the whole book was all about helping the most clueless of females. Do y'all really need that much help? I've known that just one zit can ruin your day but not knowing how to deal with a very serious wedgie makes me wonder.

The best part was the section devoted entirely to poo. Apparently, women do poop and there are some horrible situations that call for all sorts of help. There is nothing more agonizing than taking a monster dump only to find that your boyfriend or a potential one has to come in right after. What I love is when they added his family as the next people to walk in, as if everyone just comes right in after a girl poos. If that is a direct possibility, I recommend taking a brisk walk across the street into a McDonald's with a copy of Us Weekly. Just say that you need to take a call and hope the 'kids' don't drop off too early.

We're not done! Hell no! Women have so many problems when it comes to the bathroom that it's no wonder I've found my male roommates much cleaner than the girls next door. Wiping is a whole other dilemma where we must all rid the world of the most dreaded urban myth known to man, the skid mark. Oh lordy, I nearly lost it when a whole page was devoted to women getting them. Their solution? If the chaotic has happened where it's gonna take more than 7 wipes, wet t.p. under the sink's water. Good advice. Might want to pass that tip onto men but stay clear of the shit absorbing thongs. That's all they are. Really. Fat chicks leave behind pieces of KFC in theirs.

Then again, skid marks, to us males, are just 'battle wounds' that haven't healed yet.

I'm off to Sara's tomorrow. Don't wait up. After reading several stories from The Savage Sword Of Conan, I feel like a total barbarian. Whatever happened to a guy just going off in search of wealth and snatch? Reading through this graphic novel makes me want to enjoy having all this strength connected to a thick cock. You grab her after her first smirk. Hold her down on the bed. Yank those jeans off and smack that bare ass before plunging her pussy. Let's face it. I'm not that way. I'd turn to giggles when the shadows on the wall make silly puppets. Penises can be very distracting. Happy twats all around.