Rambo Is Hands On

Well, it happened. The first thing you'll see when you look out the window is pure white, all over. No sounds. Snow fell hard and fast all day. There is no way I'd forget how I thought that 10-inches would be so possible with the flurries. Said flurries turned into a major blast of snow. Blasts of snow have added up to what I'd say is just plain disgusting I'm-so-not-gonna-get-laid piles of cocaine without the after effects.

Not all of us have hatred for this snow. All 4 dogs have had a blast outside. You'll see that the backyard has a circle of little feet. Not in between. A fucking circle where all 4 went around the area to mingle, pee, and tell the other dogs in the neighborhood that Yorkies are in da hood. Yeah, we have to yell at our dogs to come in when a major conversation goes on at night.

I don't know. I'm up in odds over whether I can drive out to Indiana. Of course, Sara's got the same thing in mind. Nothing like waking up on the weekends to have sex with the look of white all around the window. Big bed. You can read in it but why do just that?

What I am reading is Alan Moore's 'League Of Extroardinary Gentlemen," something more exciting than I thought it would be. What happens when you take a group of people with amazing abilities? Add together James Bond, Mina (Dracula's lust object), The Invisible Man, Jeckyl/Hyde, Captain Nemo, and a few others all in hopes of saving the world. Yes, it's a graphic novel. But damn, it is so fucking able to draw you in if you grew up on these characters. Of course, James Bond is still a total cad chasing any sort of girl all while being a little plumper than you're used to. Mina has issues about her neck because Dracula did some major biting. The Invisible Man? Possible traitor issues when he takes off his clothes.

Plus, who would have thought that the characters from books we were ordered to read as kids would be so fucking horny! You've got to laugh when Mina turns into a totally adorable slut up against a tree ordering a man she grew up admiring to take use her as he sees fit. It's a bit demented and fun. Can't imagine what kind of kinkiness the Artful Dodger would want to get up to when finding a nice lil' lady to lay with.

What is nice is reading blogs with the same need I have, sex. I've gotten it in my head that every woman I walk by is thinking of something fiercely dirty. Not about me. There's just so many single women lost in some sort of thoughts of being dominated, a very common topic. One girl in the comments section was completely clueless about all this. Being dominated is not about ordering someone to pay your bills or give away a paycheck. What you want is to be lusted after and told what turns the other on. I'm all about doing what a girl wants but I also want her to let me do what I wish all while relieving me of this poison that builds up in me.

Tis not fair in life. I'm all about worries for tomorrow. So much shoveling has to be done, work, and then some sort of hope in that I can drive out to Indiana. The chances are slim to none and slim might have left town. I hate that. All these lustful thoughts in need of getting out. One minute I'm thinking a total freak-on doggystyle session and then..........well, you can come up with something in your own dirty mind. I'm not one to share everything with you.

So, I'm outta here as I make my way upstairs to watch the new Rambo movie. The 80's come back with a vengeance! John Rambo, a man with the ability to kill millions of people with his bare hands thanks to being a Green Beret must save missionaries taken captive in the jungle. Muscles, brute strength, knowledge of the bow, and a sneer is all he needs to help out a blond American so cute it hurts, Julie Benz. A man like Rambo has to be thinking dirty thoughts while working alone in the jungles. Plants grow so well when he sprinkles his magic seeds on them. Maybe he even does the pee pee dance while jacking himself off. Happy twats all around.

9-Inches Of Terror

"Who knew that the 9-inches Sara has to deal with when it comes to sex is not what I'm packing but the snow that will keep me from getting to see her."

-Me

Weather. Gotta love it. Unpredictable and damn right annoying at this time of year. I really, really want to get laid but my town is expecting a lot of snow tomorrow as does Sara's. Mine is very good about snow removal but Sara's? Eh, I've seen better done by blind cerebral palsy victims when it comes to their own sidewalks or driveways.

Let's face it. Sex is best when it's cold outside. Why not? Where the fuck are you going when it's at a point where your balls or tits feel as if they no longer want to stay attached.

"Oops, there goes my ball in the middle of Target! I hate it when someone sees this when I forgot to make them a wee bit less hairy! Razors are so fucking expensive!"

While I might think that those of you enjoying much warmer weather down south or in a tropical climate have it made, your time will come. Do you fuck during a hurricane? I'd laugh if someone put on The Scorpions and then proceeded to act out the part as some sort of bizarre mating ritual. "Yeah! I'm gonna fuck you like a hurricane!" Role playing does have its uses, I guess. There are times I wonder what I'd look like in tight leather pants.

Then again, all this thinking about how much I will miss getting laid just might be missing the point. Digging yourself out when it comes to that many inches of snow will wear you the fuck down, man. Too tired to fuck? You better believe it if you like to put your back into it, ol' chap. A bit of pounding on a lady's muff needs the kind of energy even spinach couldn't provide. We're talking about me, a shovel, and the results being too tired to fuck or do anything afterwards. There is fun in this because I do get to build a maze in the backyard for 4 little dogs that make sure they don't get lost by peeing on every corner.

My gym had a grand opening celebration. Not bad at all. For me, I did my workout and proceeded to enjoy the festivities where I got myself a toe ring from the local tanning place, ate a strawberry on a stick, and drank some sort of weird juice designed for those that need a pick-me-up after the workout. Richard enjoyed everything, too, and even gave me his t-shirt given to him for taking aerobics. Yes, he may be taking his weight-loss a little too serious while dancing around with ladies as they use their fists on imaginary speedbags. I, personally, draw the line at laying on the side to lift legs up and down. Farts happen and they will be fanned out for all to enjoy.

So, I'm going to leave you here as I am about to go look at my loot once again. New t-shirt! Everyone loves new t-shirts. My gym's logo and location are placed firmly on the chest area for advertising. We humans are label whores and free advertising whether we want it or not. Happy twats all around.

Shine Sweet Freedom

"I thought you looked like Christmas morning."

-Mr. And Mrs. Smith (Mr. Smith telling his wife, who is about to kill him, how he felt when he first met her)

I've had a rotten day. Allow me to tell you just how bad it was in a very toned down version. Work ran late. Rained. Walked to car in very cold wind. Long walk in a large parking lot. Windshield was frozen with ice. Car door wouldn't open for a while. Took a while to break the ice on windshield so I can drive off. Didn't go to the gym because I was cranky. Nobody wants to deal with me when I'm a cranky pants. Doesn't sound so bad? I was wearing a very thin sweatshirt over a t-shirt while in the parking lot chipping ice off the windshield because it was warm when I came to work.

At least the security guard waved at me when I left. I'm guessing it was because he enjoys feeling me up.

Not even 135 push-ups could get me in a better mood. Not even the little licks from the dog watching me do them helped. 5-Pound Phooey finds me special no matter how cranky I get but I did get something a tad better than dog slobber. 2 movies on satellite helped me on this cold, cold night where nothing went right, The Blues Brothers and Running Scared. Forget the sequel or remake, the 80's versions were so much better when you've got Jake and Elwood Blues being chased by thousands of cops, cowboys, and Nazis. Running Scared finds you with 2 Chicago cops possibly retiring but have to stop a drug lord. Both take place in Chicago. Both help me remember that the cold doesn't last forever, the same feeling I get with Bush in charge of things.

What woman doesn't enjoy being made love to under the lights of a cop's motorcycle?

A fellow reader asked and I shall do my best to answer. I love Sara. I've never loved anyone as strongly as I do with her. No one. I've been there with a broken heart long ago, barely able to walk to classes in college. That was my first love but it was puppyish. With Sara, it's stronger. We're weird together. One gets screamed at for driving the wrong way (her directions) and the other makes pterydactyl noises. It's a winning combination that only the weird can understand.

Yes, I still remember when I first met Sara in person. It was a strange drive because I *almost* went the wrong direction when getting off the interstate. Instinct. Sara thought I was late but later understood our time zones were different. Indiana is 1 hour ahead and I was busy chugging along in hopes of finding this brick apartment located near the downtown area. Nice directions that came with a note: "Just because you're coming, doesn't mean I'm going to share my bed with you." I've never left since. Isn't that romance at its finest?

Yes, I know. Almost 3 years and we still aren't living together. The easiest way to put it is this. We're both dating scared. I love her so much that I cannot begin to describe how much fun it is to sleep with her and start the morning talking about ridiculous stuff, couple stuff. You're naked so there are no walls put up. Balls out. Tits out. If it's a weekend morning, I'll find myself staring up at the ceiling with morning wood and Sara's head on my chest. Wicked smiles. Morning wood gone. Breakfast.

You ask me how I know I'm in love. It's simple. Things are sweeter. The little issues are long forgotten because getting yelled at while driving is no big deal. Sooner or later, an ass gets tapped and you're curled up in the living room's darkness watching a Netflix movie or TV show.

Bad habits disappear. I can be kind of stingy but I'm kind of over that now. Sara doesn't get as spoiled as I do so I like to do things for her. There was that time I didn't let her know that I remember how she once told me that a boy has never sent her flowers. Months later and they're right there waiting for her after work. Sara had this big smile. When she came her to meet my parents, I wanted her to be taken to our most amazing restaurant where people walk in wearing gorgeous clothes that are nicely hung up. Yes, I know women should pay for things themselves and blah, blah. There are times where a man should take a girl out for a meal that has her talking about it for a long time. Oh, and dress nicely.

There are things that I do not like. I hate how I miss her lots when it comes to sleep. I'm terrible on cold nights because I love the feeling of her warm body curled up into mine. Arms and breasts are held while my cock in nestled against her ass. Somehow we doze. Others, I'll watch her sleep until I can find myself drifting off completely. I don't know how you sleep but that's what works for me til the pain of realizing how much sports can do to my shoulders.

When did I actually fall? I'm not completely sure so you'd have to check my old blog. It was stated, no? The girl was fun when I first met her but the beginning is always about lust. A guy just can't keep his dick out of a girl those first few months. Fighting and life changing moments? That'll bring people closer than they realize, seeing as I was pretty worried when Sara suddenly got epilepsy. When the girlfriend finds she has a guy wanted by quite a few girls, she only grabs him to let him know that trust is complete.

So, why am I telling you this? Someone asked but I will tell you what I am fearful of. Taking that chance. One day, Sara and I might live together. Then again, we might not. But what if we did? Will she still enjoy how I am a bit of a kid inside? That I enjoy having a bit of space to myself? There are times I have to let out a bit of tension built up by going to the gym or for a run. The fact that I'm a bit vain tells you how hard I am on myself when it comes to my body's appearance. Does Sara even know how much I am amazed at how she can paint? I'm a lover of dark things and you've got to see some of these paintings she did in high school and college! I can't imagine being given something like that as a gift. I'm used to movie posters and stuffed animals but nothing like a well-thought out painting with edge.

It does annoy me when people all around me keep telling me I have to marry Sara. While I'm sure they mean well, what's the rush? We're happy. Both of us need some time to grow up a little bit more. I've made it my personal goal to see to it that I stay with a job for a longer period of time than I'm used to. Sara's got a new job that'll make her happier than the old one.

But if you had to ask again, I'd do anything for Sara in a heartbeat. Almost 3 years might not be long to you but I've been with so many women to know that this is the one that has me never looking across the pond for. Give us time. Some of you have been with me from the beginning so why not wait to see where it all ends up. Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished. All the little squabbles over dishes and bills can wait.

So, I'm outta here. A cold, cold night can make me a bit of an old warm fuzzy guy that misses sleeping with someone that enjoys the game of seeing who has the stinkiest morning breath. Sara cheats by brushing her teeth before me, though. I'll whip her ass at chess, though. Happy twats all around.

Sing Me Prayer

This just in: Britney's manager said in an interview that Britney Spears has 'mental issues.' Ya think?

I was having an okay day that got better only because of an email from Sammy. Somehow, within all those sentences telling me various things, there was a gem that made my day. Sometimes, it's the little things we notice that can make it all worthwhile. It's rare to get the little brown girl tangerine your mother warned you about to open up.

So, where was I? Oh, I know! I'm crushing on Dawn. Wait a minute. I'm going to fast for y'all as I have to make it clear that I watched a TV show tonight while finishing my closet. All done. I didn't realize I had left the channel to MTV, one of the worst places to find any sort of creativity, and became bombarded by Making the Band 4. Oh, how I missed thee as I suddenly find myself with a little taste for flavor. Dawn, you are H-O-T.

*Squeals like a girl*

Okay, I'll be serious now as I try to explain my love/hate for Making the Band. Love the various people as they try to make their own ways in the studio under a corporation almost as evil as Wal-Mart, P. Diddly. Why is it everytime he makes his way in the studio it's like the show should be about him? P. Diddly has to take the girls'/guys' shine away and place it back on him, a guy that lives off of a dead bloated rapper, Biggie. The premise sounds nice, give groups of people a chance to make an album while living together. You'll automatically get drama and possible romance. There's always a diamond in there just waiting to be found. But why oh why does P. Diddly need to constantly have all eyes on him when he walks into the studio?

Let's chat. Dawn? Wow! I used to have a huge crush on Aubrea but found her to have slowly turned into a Tara Reid look-alike. Yuck. She had this charisma that was suddenly zapped away from her all in hopes to look like a filthy blonde. Not my style. Aundrea put on some weight but is constantly cute. Dawn? Q, one of the guys in the other band, is so gonna not be able to resist a girl that wants to draw some focus onto her booty.

Sorry about that. I, for some reason, took great notice when Making the Band came on. While I hate the fact that these singers are ordered to sing songs made by other people, I find it interesting how so much energy is based on the looks of people. Dawn can sing so I'm rooting for her. It's just that there was this whole question from Diddly asking inappropriate questions about her stomach. Fitness is important for being up on stage but Dawn was never what you'd say as too winded to sing.

Whatever happened to people singing what they've made? I've always wondered why things have gotten to the point that a good looking individual comes in, is given songs written by another person, he/she sings records them, memorizes dance choreography, and then collects mucho dinero. I'd rather listen to what someone comes up with themselves and not manufactured robot shit about how much money you have. No one picks up a guitar to sing their hearts out about love lost gained or that the damn dog got run over by a Humvee again. Its lost 3 legs so a dude is gonna be bawlin' his eyes out as he's unable to drive off in the pickup truck full of cold beer in the cooler.

As I said, the closet is done. Finished it tonight after working out. Why I am a packrat like this, I'll never know. Every magazine had to be thumbed through to see why I kept it. Was there an article on Eliza Dushku? Is a Victoria's Secret model wearing barely anything? What I did love was the trip down memory lane where Tomb Raider was just starting to be filmed and any sighting of Angelina Jolie dressed as Lara Croft was pure gold. That would be way back in the 1990's a now folded magazine called Movieline. I miss it for the delicious articles and directors talking about their home theater set-ups. I'm so about the surround sound output because I do that kind of stuff as a hobby. Sara's parents had theirs set up by yours truly. James Taylor has the kind of music all speakers should be tuned for.

Wondering why I lost weight. Normally, I weigh myself after a workout on Monday nights. Just see what's going on when it comes to all this strength gained. Did I put on anything or am I still stuck on 201? What!?! I'm now 194? It's weird because I haven't changed a damn thing when it comes to eating. During winter, people gain weight so it might be possible that I can be much more over the 200 mark. So, why did I go down so much?

Doesn't really matter because I got hit on the side by Slutwatcher. Haven't seen him in over 2 weeks so I do miss his antics of distracting me by telling whose shorts he can see up now. Watch as I mimic him crying over his beloved Dallas Cowboys losing in the playoffs. Guys are so sensitive over their favorite football teams. Oh, yeah, and their weight.

Right now, our schools are going over religion being allowed within them. The Muslim kids are being allowed tardies thanks to morning prayers. You know me. I hate this and how religion is being allowed in public schools. Private schools? Dealt with that too fucking long with those goddamn nuns but it bothers me with public schools. You pray? Do it on your own time since you came to school to learn. No, I'm not in a bad enough mood to do a big entry on this.

So, I'm going to stop here as I still have a small amount of healing on my middle finger to deal with. Cut it open on Friday's work complete with a little blood splatter left on the dock. It just got worse as I even smashed my right knee into a metal pole. That was pain pure and simple as I lay on my back right after. I'm so afraid of infection that I placed 2 band-aids on that cut. There is so much dirt I have to deal with that it's a must. This boring entry must end now. Happy twats all around.

Useless Fact And Cunt

Fact: There are 178 sesame seeds on a Big Mac bun.

Can't say you come to this blog and not learn anything. While much of my life's little trivial issues might make you think I am a male underwear model (a boy can dream!), I do so love reading about weird facts.

To those of us that can find some kind of enjoyment in cleaning, I salute you. No, I will actually dance around the room in some kind of weird fit over conquering the almighty ridding of various things that make me a packrat. Playboy Magazines? Too many, seeing as '79 to the present means a long line of various women with bushes to those without. Please, bring back the a nicely trimmed bush. Others, I'd say an enormous collection of the men's mag, Maxim, will make you think I am a frat boy at heart. Nope, I just found the magazine to be more informative than most others out there. A long article on tits followed by how to conquer the grill will beat any girl's magazine about the latest lip gloss.

Yeah, that's pretty much all I did today, cleaning out a lot of old stuff from my closet. It's like every 3 or 4 months, it must be dealt with whether I like it or not. I've seen articles on the beginnings for the Lord Of the Rings trilogy, arguments about how George Clooney is a nice guy, and even the possibility of this new flick, Underworld, being a cult classic. How's about that? You'd now say that any movie with Kate Beckinsale wearing tight as skin rubber is destined for greatness.

This is where I drool.

That's how far back I can go when it came to my collection of Premiere magazines. The earliest was somewhere around '99 until it folded. I miss reading about the new things coming out way ahead of time. What really weirded me out was the final one. It's last article was of the late Heath Ledger. No joke. It was about a movie I had not seen where he fought on a horse after A Knight's Tale. Heath was a good guy. That's really all I can say.

Anyway, the Playboys are all nicely collected together and safe for the length of time I will have them. Sell? Maybe. I always envied an ex-friend's dad's collection because his was from the 60's til around 2000. My friend and I used to joke about how each decade meant a little trimming on the bushes. How the hell did a guy eat a girl out with that much hair down there? It's not something I enjoy, pulling hair out of my teeth.

Reached a personal goal today. I military pressed 300 pounds on a machine, something only 1 other guy I know can do. Said guy weighs over 250 pounds while I'm barely 200. Either I am getting stronger or there was some sort of personal high flowing through these veins. My body was bored with military pressing but I thought back to the time in the restaurant with Sara where she commented on how enormous my shoulders have gotten. Knows how to win my heart by telling me she feels so safe with me.

So, you see? My weekend was spent clearing old things out and 1 session in the gym. No biggee because I'll most likely be in Indiana this coming weekend. Super Bowl Sunday. Big screen plasma. Large leather couch. Girl curled up on my side. I've fallen asleep on Sara's mom's shoulder once so it's funny how the seating arrangement goes. It's Sara and I with her mom on the big couch. Sara's dad is in the big chair on the right. Guests go wherever they can.

Plus, I'm going to hear about Sara's play, The Vagina Monologues. Do you know how cool it is to listen to her say the most powerful word, 'cunt,' in front of a large group of people? She and I think this word should be seen as a good word. It has a definite reaction when said and sounds cool when you use it to talk dirty. Just watch the new movie, Atonement, with Keira Knightley. She receives a love letter saying, "I want to fuck your wet cunt." Whoo! The boy knows how to whoo a learned girl. I have been known to whisper to Sara how I'd love to lick her wet cunt. The girl smiles.

So, I'm outta here as I go back to work on the closet. 2 more days are needed, I guess. The nice thing is that I found my erotic magnet set to one day use on my own fridge. Can't imagine my mother seeing the beauty of such sweet, sweet words. "All day I dream of wet vagina. "Swollen member needs mouth." "Toast is sexy." "Pussy music to my ears." Hey, you get your own ideas and keep your mind in the gutter. I guess you can chalk all that up to a sudden need for sexual release after working so much on lifting large amounts of magazines. Happy twats all around.

Bogart Da Oreos

"Armed robbery, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo........what the hell's gotten into you, Frank?"

-The Naked Gun

Happy! Happy! Joy, joy! It's nice hearing that Obama won the South Carolina primary. Take that, you snotty old blond bitch! I think after years and years of being led by the older generation without a clue as to how the average joe lives, it would be nice to have a much younger guy like Obama heading things. Who cares if he did cocaine. Haven't we all dabbled a little in various things?

Nothing much for me this weekend. I've been dreading the much needed event of tackling my closet again. Too much stuff? How does every issue of Playboy from '79 til the latest issue sound to you? That's a lot of fucking issues to deal with that will one day be sold to another fellow collector. You don't know how much stuff you have when you put things away for years only to deal with it much, much later. Like I said before, Sara will be found laying on the floor looking at everything accumulated by yours truly.

To give you an idea as to how all over the place I am, I'll do it creatively in a way you'll understand.

The time: Early 80's.

The scene: Wal-Mart (before it went evil)

The event: Young boy goes to his grandparents' house and sees the town's first Wal-Mart. After seeing a few commercials for a new Hasbro toyline, he luckily finds the GIJoes there. They're poseable action figures that demonstrate a love of fighting for freedom when a ruthless dictator, Cobra Commander, tries to take over the world. The young boy's first GIJoe is a character named 'Grunt,' a simple looking soldier with a small helmet and M-16 rifle.

The time: January 2007

The scene: Wal-Mart

The event: Young boy is now a fully sexualized male found to dominate his way into various scenarios. After hearing about various ads in comics, he wants those 25th anniversary GIJoe figures he grew up with. Oh, what joy! There's Cobra Commander, Destro, and Crimson Guard! Must have to remember those good times in the 80's.

How lame have I become? Instead of my mom smiling as I run into the toy section, Sara replaces her by laughing instead. I don't know what it is about remembering my childhood but it's never done me wrong. At 34 figurines of my favorite action figure, Storm Shadow, I'm on the way to being a major weirdo that you'd assume would be a virgin like in that movie, The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Nope. I hit a lot of ass all while keeping my loserdom on the down low. It is nice to have a girlfriend willing to hold my hand as I start spazzing out about how cool it is to own the toys I once had as a child. I cannot imagine myself going through that in a parallel universe because girls always had cooties back then.

If you told girls they had cooties, they'd steal your Oreos. Ya know how cigarettes are almost like money in prison? Well, Oreos were considered gold when you had nuns for teachers. Bribery worked in the religious sect.

Editor's note: I do not condone shopping at Wal-Mart. In fact, I do as much as I can away from it when it comes to groceries or any type of errand. The place reeks of evil corporation gone mad. Stop supporting underage slave labor. Don't tell me you believe that $7 t-shirt that says "I Love the U.S.A." is made here. Ya know what? I've got some swamp land to sell ya.

So, I hope everyone out there is having a great weekend. Some of you might be passed out on the floor in your own vomit. Then again, it might not be your vomit but the cat's barfed up hairball. Others might be having sex. Said sex could be with the inflatable kind or shower massagers. Long showers are good for what ails you. Happy twats all around.

It's Bedtime For Bonzo

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid."

-Spinal Tap

So, how do you like the economic stimulus package that our government's brightest minds have come up with? I was outraged. After a long period of denying that the U.S. is in a recession, it's obvious that the truth is out there. People are having a harder time making ends meet thanks to gas prices going up and staying there. I mean, $2.75/gallon is like a miracle of some sort. Energy prices have us living like New Yorkers because most of our income now goes towards that and not so much on relieving our hunger. Prices are up everywhere. Despite all this, our incomes are pretty much the same. If you can put an idiot in the White House...........

Pretty much the lot of you will get $600 back from the government. Nice, huh? Oh, that just about covers 2 months of rent or putting a slight ease in keeping the family fed. Our government is so out of touch and thinks we're living as mighty as they are. Even worse is that that money given to you will be taken out of next year's taxes. Did you know that? Better think if you're in the spending mood. The smart will use the money for savings or paying off old debt. Yeah, I know I'm old in thinking this instead of going out to the bars and ordering shots all night.

Gawd, I hate this fucking cold. -4 degrees out there tonight, folks. It was another pair of frozen balls on yours truly. Girls, you have no idea what we males go through when it comes to these things hanging down there. Then again, we weren't given 'nature's thermometers' like yours, nipples.

Note: I do like nipple play, though. Even better is knowing they are still there after almost losing them almost a month ago. The rough edges of things nearly took one off while the other was pretty damaged from something else.

In the latest issue of Spin Magazine, Lenny Kravitz tells the interviewer that he hasn't had sex in 3 years. He's been looking for a woman with a 'spiritual side.' What!?! A guy that gets more pussy than the whole feminine hygiene product section at Walgreens suddenly finds himself questioning things!?! It's a toss-up. Either Kravitz has a bad STD or all the past drugs/sex have done him in.

I'll be blunt in saying this. Sara would K-I-L-L me if I ever stopped having sex with her. She is a major hell-beast sent to fuck monogamously one lucky bastard (It's me! It's me!) til he can no longer produce a drop of semen. Each sexual moment ends with him breathing hard and dripping with sweat while Sara mews "I want some more." Yeah, that was one moment I cannot forget where a long period of time was spent fucking in 3 or 4 positions and then begging for my life. At this point, I'm more than happy to make her sore so I can rest.

Sex is fun. No, really it is that way for Sara and I. We're just into being crazy-like and have no shame in releasing all this pent up sexual energy that others might raise an eyebrow towards. Who hasn't been tied up? Yeah, there is the factor that I cannot because I enjoy touching but I'm still game.

So, 10 things I love about sex.........hard to do because this is pretty much spur of the moment. No notes. Nothing that resembles me preparing things. It is cold out there so maybe it would be best to make you wet. A lot of guys would love to sniff those panties after I get through with this.

10). Kissing. Sorry but I still find the old faithful time honored tradition that starts things off as a good sexy thing. Kissing doesn't just have to be on the mouth, ya know? I love kissing a woman's breasts, tummy (I'm a lover of belly buttons), lower back, ass cheeks, and the most obvious, pussy. Pussy kisses come in a form of 2, the pink lips and the time where they are spread to give what I call 'the oral kiss.' The oral kiss is very salty thanks to the combination of the juices and skin. The one thing about kiss I think people forget to realize is that it can be used to come up with your latest move. Kiss and then wonder if I'm going to throw you over my shoulder and slam you down on the bed? Will I suddenly turn you around and smack your ass?

9). Fingering. Ah, yes, a boy's first time inserting a finger up inside a girl. He never forgets his first time exploring what Human Sexuality never talked about. Damn, it's slick up in there, yo. For me, I enjoy feeling around and then using her moans to go harder or faster. Sometimes, I'll paused to lick the juices dripping down said fingers but most of the time I just enjoy exploring around. I'll never forget sitting in a car bored while waiting on a friend's errand. Sara noticed and pulled up her skirt for me to get excited. Panties to the side and we have wet girl taking notice to not go too far. Security cameras can be a good thing and a bad thing. Bad thing this time.

8). Motions. Sometimes, it's just the dance we do before we end up in sex. There's the heavy breathing where we're telling the other that it's time to fuck. Girl bends over in apartment hallway. Skirt is pulled up. Guy pulls panties to the side. Finger is inserted to see how wet. Pants are unzipped. A gentle probing of the cock's head to tease. It's all there and, yes, I did that in an apartment hallway because Sara does not care who watches us. There are thousands of ways for a girl to tease with motion. Get boyfriend to go out to dinner with her but don't tell him there are no panties underneath her skirt. Knock something over and order him to pick it up. Open legs. Watch poor boy get all flustered before throwing her over his shoulder to fuck girl in alley. Sometimes, it's before sex that can drive things so wild.

7). Pussy stains. Face it. All guys love a girl's wet panties. It's so naughty to be sitting opposite a girl that wants me to know she's wet and proud. I'm not going to name names but I've been the recipient of receiving panties while seated in a crowded restaurant. For many guys, it's proper to smell them but, for me, I am more of rubbing my fingers in that 'spot of lust' that's best shown with light colors. Black panties are boring. Bring on the lighter ones where the 'wet spot' is so obvious. There is honor in all this. When the male has fucked his girl silly, a sweet thing for her to do is place the previously worn panties in his hand before he leaves for home. Hopefully, they are extremely wet because it's an hour's drive. There is a thrill when she unzips her pants in an alley as we walk home together. A preview of what's to come? The back of the hand feels what the cock longs to soak itself in. Sara's really naughty.

6). Being naked. Take care of your body? Show it off! I've got a very low body-fat percentage at under 10%. The cock on a guy looks so much better than on a pencil pushing male that sits around with Cheetos all day. I love being naked around Sara and she does it as well. Sometimes, when I'm trying to get dressed, she'll just play with my penis. Things that tend to flop around tend to excite women.

5). Cock control. My fantasy comes thanks to being submissive. Yes, I have turned a bit into the dominant but this was my original thing. I love having my penis under a girl's control. She does what she wants with it all with a smile. While it's not so great when she has cold hands from the cold weather and will not let go after getting a firm grip on my dick, there are moments. I've always found that standing there taking a piss only to have my neck bitten and cock now in the palm of her hands as she aims it to be quite sexy. Kick down that door! Grab my cock as I piss. Bite me! Don't forget to shake and THEN stroke. Always have a sly smile as you grab the lube to help the boy rid himself of the morning wood.

4). Cocktails. I once told Sara in a department store that I loved the smell of her cunt all over my cock. It was so strong that I noticed it while I took a long piss. How's that? Ever found it fun when a guy grabs you to tell you that he loves your most intimate scent all over after a sex session? It's like this little secret between you as various people pass by. There is something about standing there and noticing how sticky my cock is after being fucked.

3). Seeing everything. I'm a total lover of the gyno view. Maybe not so much in porn because the same image gets boring. What I love is a girl that loves to show it all, asshole and pussy. Of course, this means a good ol' 69'ing session where tongue goes in and a wet thumb rubs. Various girls I've dated were sometimes shy. I can tell you very easily that Sara is not. I'll never forget laying on the bed and telling her how much I love looking at women's assholes since the cunt's can get a little boring. Pants were dropped and an ass was presented in my face. Don't forget that various viewpoints help, too. Upside down and to the side work as well.

2). Cumming on her. At first, I found cumming on a girl's body as degrading. Not so much anymore because it's my personal way of saying: "This is what you make me do and I want to show you." I cannot help it. It's a must to tell Sara that she has this effect on me. I squirt a hell of a lot that I love how she stares. "Does it ever stop?" I love to cum on breasts, tummy, and the back. Once, it got so crazy when I shot a huge stream of it that it lined from her upper back to the lower part. Doggy style can make a guy do crazy things, ya know?

1). Talking. I've no idea why couples don't share their fantasies. I've mentioned how Sara and I discuss who we'd invite to an orgy. There is a possible threesome (I've already done that in the past) one day because I've got this inkling that Sara wants to taste a girl. Nothing is held back when it comes to us. She knows I found it fun to be taboo where I was given a blowjob while she was peeing. I mean, one minute I'm brushing my teeth. The next? Shorts down and cock in mouth. It was only last year that I understood the enjoyment of being smacked on the ass. Before that, biting.

So, I hope that gives you, dear reader, a slight idea as to what I like. None of these are in an order. Not everything has been mentioned. If you were looking for physical feeling, I would have to say that the most amazing sizzle comes from the first moment my cock slides in her. It's heaven and, yes, I let out a whimper at how good it feels to slide right in a wet cunt. Start out slow and end up a complete mess where I'm then laying on my back as cum continues to drip out. Watching a woman drink my cum is up there as well. Remember control? Sexy is when she's busy squeezing/stroking out those last few drops. I hope you are all wet and twitching in your seats as your panties are clinging to your lady parts. Happy twats all around.

Balls All Gone

"It's mind over matter. We don't mind because you don't matter."

-An old t-shirt slogan found on my old college's fraternity

I've been scaled down a bit. Want to guess how much cash I have in my wallet? $8 after my haircut tomorrow. Ugh. There are moments where I can be a bit too impulsive with my spending habits and end up in need of someone, more likely female, to clonk me on the head. Why girls? I just cannot take the frowny face


Some people get impulsive when it comes to trashy magazines. Others? Video games or clothes. My problem is that I ordered a very expensive erotic photography book from Borders. $95 is a bit much but that's me. I like images of the female nude brought about by high-class photography. No grainy-I-barely-know-how-to-use-a-camera. The lighting has to be perfect. There has to be thought in the suggestions on posing. Smiles are more abundant than blank stares. I'd recommend the tasteful nudes of Guido Argentini if you've got the cash but make sure it's your kind of expensive nudity.

Again, my collection of erotic photography books has overtaken my closet. I must have over $5,000 worth and a girlfriend that is going to go nuts when she sees this one day. Would you believe I spent some of Sunday evening on the computer because she wanted to show me another of her favorite nude models? Love it when Sara tells me how nice her pussy looks.

My ex-boss laughed at me today. I told him I need Valentine's Day off because Sara is going to be performing in a play. The usual comes up. "Awwwwww." Single people (I'm not completely sure if this guy is single because he does look like Han Solo, seriously) enjoy tormenting those of us that have performances we must put in the bedrooms of our mates. Do you think his laughter would get worse if I told my ex-boss that the play is called The Vagina Monologues? Some single guys will start to drool just over that dangerous word.

I hate feeling like I'm poor even if payday is Friday. It'll be back to the drawing board because I've got 3 more books to order and then I'm done. Why does the female nude have to be so beautiful? How many think that Sara would spend a day on the floor looking at every erotic photography book I own?

Just about every blog has talked about Heath Ledger and rightly so. Nothing really bad to say about him because he never gave off a feeling of being a whore for the Hollywood machine. The only thing I can think of when it comes to negativity and Heath is that, if it's suicide or bad drugs, he leaves behind a 2-year-old. It's pretty selfish to die when you've created life. I may hate kids but sure as hell aint one to leave 'em to fend for themselves.

Playing around with a possible Top 10 List on why I love sex. It's kind of funny to toss around in this head because of that Monday morning. Oh, the sheets were a mess of small amounts of cum that dripped off Sara. That bed? Destroyed. I'm pretty sure we made a porno where things started out slowly only to end up with her telling me she's too sore. Love to throw her around, too. I swear it sucks when I can only say I had 1 orgasm while she has at least 7. I lost count when she was up to 4.

You know what? I'm scared to move to Indiana. It's the fact that I'm so used to things here, my town and life, that it's a hell of a change. Sara's parents love me but I'll have enemies, the kind where you deal with new cooking. Vegetable stew? That was Sunday night and I'm no fan of cooked carrots. Does that give you an idea? New town that I've traveled through only to find various annoying things when it comes to the locations of places I haunt. All this goes away when I get an email telling me I'm missed in bed. Apparently, I make a great snuggler.

As for life in the gym, it's been another great one only to come home feeling sore as fuck due to the cold weather. Bones, baby. I can feel 'em move around in this skin when the windchill goes below 20 degrees. I don't care how much I enjoy wearing leather jackets. This boy doesn't like feeling as if his balls will drop to the ground after freezing.

Jackass 2 does show that the balls can freeze to something. Watch it if you dare to see some mighty hairy ones.

So, onward we go upstairs to find myself underneath a medium comforter with the satellite TV playing the usual, 48 Hours (Nick Nolte!), Ultraviolet (Mila!), Red Heat (Russian Arnold!), and cartoons where I wonder just how old I am. Happy twats all around.

Somebody's Gotta Yell "Vagina!"

"I looked, and behold, an ashen horse; and he who sat on it had the name Death."

-New American Standard Bible

Love that quote because it can go with so much I have to say in this entry. I've just gotten back from watching an MMA (mixed martial arts) bout where the much hyped Kimbo Slice made his debut. Let me tell ya something. You cannot miss this guy. Kimbo is from Miami, Florida and is best described as a former street-fighter that's tougher than anything found under disciplined martial arts. The dude is ever scary to look at, big, black, and with a full beard underneath menacing eyes. I'd run and would be seen as rightly so. Mr. Slice knocked out a very experienced fighter in 19 seconds. Why do I want to see more of this guy?

Death has been pretty much all around today. I'm sure you've heard the news of Heath Ledger's dead body being found by the masseuse. It's all over the fucking place and even I let out a big yelp upon hearing this. I've always liked Heath, ever since we Americans were introduced to this Aussie in 10 Things I Hate About You. While I loved it for Julia Stiles and her character, a lot of girls could not stop talking about him. Must have been the face but, for me, it was his simple likability to be a guy not interested in being part of the Hollywood machine. You make that kind of money yet you dress like a bum!?!

Yes, I do have a problem with watching 2 guys kiss. It's weird, no? Heath, apparently, did not have issues with playing a gay character in Brokeback Mountain. I'm sure there were thousands of jokes of Heath taking up the ol' 'back door' but were shrugged off. I admire that along with his ability to blend into a character. I know I complain a lot about Hollywood's tendency to never do things with actual thought. Heath, possibly because he was not American, did things his own way even under the possibility of being seen as conflicting with 'American Values' as placed under the religious right's need to tell us that homosexuality is wrong.

Of course, this new Batman movie is going to be under a lot more scrutiny. With Heath Ledger playing the Joker, my favorite character along with Batman himself, we're going to read more and more about this ability to blend into the world of Gotham. Remember that Bruce Lee's son, Brandon, died on the set of The Crow, another great movie, where an actor took over something cherished by the few willing to read something different than what Hollywood usually sold us.

Could it be drugs? I know Heath Ledger was a little 'out there' at times with his style of not being able to stand out in a crowd of bums. I've plenty of friends here that I work with that can make you wonder if they beg for change. Why would someone with that kind of luck in being involved in movies allow that? Pressure? I don't see how that would be an issue. The new Batman flick pretty much set him up as someone we'll hear about for a long time, even decades later. Jack Nicholson took The Joker and laughed all the way to the bank. Heath, a much darker Joker, would have the comic book geeks salivating for centuries. Have you seen the pictures from the movie set?

Another death has involved a friend of mine, Richard. He found his dad had died in his sleep yesterday. Never knew someone would smile while describing his dead father upon finding him. That's Richard and it could just be possible how he was happy that it happened in sleep, a way I'd like to go out, too. Or defending this world from evil sea creatures or ignorant rappers, whichever comes first to attack our world.

Now, this all brings me to reality. I'm sitting here wondering how it'll be for me when it comes to my parents. Hell, I never thought I'd reach the age I'm at but surprises do happen no matter how many times a sport takes my shoulders out of their sockets. My mum's pretty frail as it is. Not gonna think about it.

So, you'll pretty much understand why I'm not exactly jumping up and down with joy today. Rather opposite. I'm physically drained from my needing 2 days to recover from Indiana and the constant cold weather hitting me hard on each walk through the enormous parking lot.

The only amusing thing I can tell you is that Sara is going to be in a play on *I think* Valentine's Day. The play itself is not a surprise that she'd want to be in, The Vagina Monologues. I'm sure that there are some small-minded folks that find it disgusting for women to be up on stage to tell the world why vaginas should be loved instead of ordering women to close their legs. I'm, to be honest, quote proud to hear that Sara will be up on stage as 3 or more women start off the play by saying 'twat,' 'cunt,' 'pussy,' and 'mimi' as proudly as possible.

Those that have read me for years know how I love vaginas. They smell funny in a good way. Get all pretty when you lick them. Enjoy being filled with various objects. Leave little scented puddles that turn men into panty sniffers. Yogurt is a cure for yeast infections, too, so even food helps out our little pink friends with the funny lips. Oh, we could go on and on but it's such a thrill to sit in an audience where people enjoy the little things and spit on the bad things. While Sara's letter from a female gigolo is about how she enjoys making vaginas happy, others are not so nice. Another woman will inform about the realities of female circumcision, the removal of the clitoris, trimming of the labia, and sewing shut of a portion of the vagina's entrance. It's mostly in Africa but practiced in a lot of places thanks to religion.

Gee, why do you think I hate religion so much..........or are you still following the shit and telling us all that we should follow the bible's teachings? Are you working Sunday? Did you sacrifice your kid for fucking up the time-tables at work? Somebody did anal? Better turn around or you'll be salt.

So, I'm outta here as I'll possibly dwell on vaginas more or just go into my usual rants on life later on. I'm pretty damn tired even though I did find more of the sun to be out as I walked out of work's door. Nice to know there is hope for reaching Spring. Happy twats all around.

Mass Hysteria

"Had a few beers, getting high.
Sitting, watching time go by."

-"Kiss Me Deadly" by Lita Ford

Is it wrong to get excited over the fact that there is a sale on Ghostbusters t-shirts at Target? $9.99 is a mighty find price to tell the world all about the dorkiness in you. Or does it say 'loser?' I don't know because I found myself laughing during the movie's playing in Sara's gym. Dogs and cats living together does mean mass hysteria.

I'm in a good mood. Want to know why? I was totally laid by my girlfriend of almost 3 years. There is something about having a girl send her boyfriend off with a fucking-thon where the bed ended up a mess, bodily fluids were left in the sheets, and various small animals could have been hurt if allowed in the bed with us. The best part? Hearing Sara tell me that she's now too sore. Score!

I've got all sorts of things playing through my head thanks to this weekend. Luckily, it all started out with the whole group meeting at a Mexican restaurant. You know what that entails. Bathroom smells that last longer than 15 minutes. Enchiladas may go down easy but don't want to come out so easily.

It is pretty weird to drive a bit over an hour and then find yourself sitting in a restaurant eating chips/salsa so suddenly. Barely a hello and Sara and I along with her roommate end up waiting forever for food with a large group. I can think back a couple years and wonder why I was slightly shy around them. It wasn't until I've had beers, attended parties with them, and sang a major off-key version of Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody' that we're all old friends. I like that. Karaoke brings people together almost in the same way alcohol does. That's a major shout out to Norm.

Cheers, stupid.

Stupid song has been playing in my head. "Do your tits hang low? Can you throw them over your shoulder to and fro?" That's a good example of how low I can go.

You pretty much know it by heart. Boy goes to visit girl. Girl, deeply in love with boy, curls up all snuggly during a cold, cold night. What's even better are those deep conversations that no one else seems to have. Sara and I talked about orgies. Better yet, they would come with rules, games, and who we'd invite. The funny thing Sara said was, "Would I have to fuck my friends?" when I asked her about a few individuals on whether she'd invite them.

I don't know if anyone else finds a discussion on orgies as great pillow talk but that's us. Sara and I came up with a few things that I might tell on who I'd want there. It's all hypothetical and in just plain fun because I'm finding out that a few of Sara's friends have been involved in threesomes. Long story. Just know that the Internet is being used for unsavory things that lead to a lot of fun for boys and Myspace.

Did you know the presidential candidate, Huckabee, wants to change the Constitution to make it 'God-friendly?' Scary. Very scary.

So, I'm going to do exactly what I do every time I come home from Indiana at this time. I'm gonna head on upstairs to pass out after a long day. Yes, I worked. Yes, I did all that even after that usual drive home to watch a cop chase after a mack truck. Yes, I'm barely awake after all that and leaving a girlfriend that just told me how sore she is. Not me. This morning, I was a machine, a machine sent from the future to make sure a certain woman lived a life of spankings and laughter at penis wavings. In need of much rest to talk orgies and what Sara got involved in for Valentine's Day. It's really cool to know she's doing this. Happy twats all around.

Lost In Duck Tales

Let's just say I had a little feeling of inspiration today.........

I take it as a put-down when I hear people say that they don't care to remember their childhoods. While I can understand if there was traumatizing events like a rape or horrible death, it's the others, like me, that continue to be the characters we are all because of how we grew up. I've always been told that there is a personality that I allow people to see, if they get close to me. This is not always easy thanks to occasional moodiness. For me, the best example I can give you is what I get when I walk into my gym. There are a lot of smiles as I will suddenly just blurt out what stupid/fun/idiotic thing I have to say without beating around the bush. Richard has been my most willing victim as you'll see by the t-shirts I keep receiving from him.

You hated your childhood? Poor you. Don't want to remember being a kid or think you are too grown-up now? Most likely, you are terribly boring and belong in a cubicle for the rest of your life.

Well, I had a blast! My days were spent outside playing with GIjoes, playing tag, eating Oreos, Saturday morning cartoons with a bowl of cereal, sitting on the heat vents in the winter before school so at least my butt was warm, playing football on the blacktop, kissing nuns for the latest offense I got myself into, dying of boredom in church, hoping my first kiss, Veronica, would kiss me again, getting into deep discussions on various characters in TV shows, losing myself in the arcade thanks to the Real Ghostbusters' arcade game, having a hard time understanding the various forms of clouds in 4th Grade, seeing a naked woman in Playboy for the first time, singing along to Heathcliff & Friends cartoons, and so on. I can attest to having a very wild imagination where everything seemed like the latest thrill back then.

Do you still have it? I'm sure that after all the bills are paid there might be some inkling for a good run in the backyard's sprinkler like the old days. If not, I say sit down and mope about how hard things are. I'll be the one running around because I wasn't stupid enough to buy a plasma TV on credit when I didn't have the money in the first place. Stupid you.

One of the worst things to me is a person that is supposed to have a grand imagination (such as writers, movie makers, or storytellers) yet tells me that childhood is to be forgotten. Once pen hits paper, I'm sure to fall asleep of boredom. They never get far yet will blame society as being too fickle. No, you just don't sell because you have no desire to explore again, something that is new to you or even embrace your dark side. Tell me a story of a girl sitting on a bench? Snoozer. Tell me a story of a girl sitting on a bench dwelling on the evil staring her down from behind a tree and you should get me.

I've no problem with allowing my dark side to appear. My anger and hatred for various things that I find stupid will always be unleashed here. You might type about how you sat down to brag about how great of a worker you are over the others. For me, I'll tell you who smelled like ass and why a deaf guy's day can be better when you sign dirty words back and forth during work.

Lately, I've been going over various thoughts on continuing this blog. I said it in the last entry about how I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. Be it, sex or politics, I wonder why people don't join in as much as they used to on my old blog. I do hate the comments section of Blogspot because of all that signing in shit that has to take place. There have been many times where I lost my train of thought when sending my own out to people.

A few times while I was in the gym doing what I do (biceps/back), I wondered what I wanted out of this thing. The obvious is to document a bit about my life. Believe it or not, a person forgets a lot more than you think. No longer do I feel close as in a community of people I wish to discuss things with or just blurt out my latest thought on movies, sex, and work. What else is there? You watch various things even if you don't have a TV. You're in a relationship so you must make sexual advances. I know this because Sara will kill me if I don't fuck her. Work, hate or love it, always brings some form of drama. I'm not special but I hate it when people tell me that I should blog differently or tell me they are better than I. Sammy did that and I'm pretty sure we're not talking ever again or something like that.

Blogging does help me sleep at night. Various things I see or hear are placed on here. For instance, the deaf guy and I worked nearby each other today. I got to hear that he also has complaints about the old guy at work that smells terribly of ass. The only good part is that I didn't get my thumb bent back by accident like last week. Hurts like hell. Saying all this makes me laugh at how I look back at all this as another day gone by or survived.

So, I'm outta here and not sure if I'm still up for the gig. A big happy birthday to Summer as she tells everyone that being 26 is a very stagnant time of her life. I would agree if I wasn't spending too much time laughing about my good times in the past. Maybe this year, I'll come to Miami if Summer will have me and we can see who knows more cartoon theme songs. Happy twats all around.

Not Sure To Be Back

"Come with me if you want to live."

-Terminator 2: Judgement Day

So, you'd like to know what's on my mind, eh? Stupid me. You wouldn't have stopped by if the opposite were true. I'm sure you'll be as weirded out about seeing the image floating around on the 'Net of a giraffe fucking a donkey. Or could it be the video on Jackass 2 where Chris Pontius drinks horse semen to get out of a stunt coming up? I never thought something like the sight of a large cup of horse cum being gulped down would make me come close to throwing up. Not even 2 Girls 1 Cup could do it.

My mother fell in the garage and now has a severely bruised rib. This is pretty much my father's stupidity where he cannot seem to clean up the large amount of junk he accumulates. It's all over the fucking place! What's even worse is that my mom wanted to go get looked at by the doctor because the pain was so bad. My dad didn't drive her. She drove herself. Asshole.

And you wonder why I pride myself on being good to women. It most likely comes from my father, someone that should not have any followers on what to do with a wife. Lay around and watch TV or play on the computer. Never take her out to dinner and treat her like a slave. Oh, poor you, old man. My mother drops everything to deal with his laziness but it's very rare to see him do anything affectionate back. There. You have it. That's been on my mind all fucking day.

As a son, I see that I don't want to be some lardass that lays around, can't fuck his wife, gets up from the table to get his own ice cubes or dinner, takes a girl out to eat, attends events with her, and la-di-fucking-da. Marriage does not mean the seduction ends and she's now a ball and chain. Then again, I am a bit too vain to ever wear pants that say '54-inch' on the waist.

I'm sick of the cold air out there. I miss the warmth without all that humidity where a nice long walk with 5-Pound Phooey is nice and simple. This week has been nothing but coming home from the gym and applying my butt to the bed to watch movie after movie. Whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch.

Let's see........I've watched Jackass 2 (I laughed so hard because it is so stupid you can't look away), Kama Sutra: A Tale Of Love, Good Luck Chuck, Angel-A, Terminator 2, and Love And Basketball. It's hard to say which of these I liked more because they all fit into a category on their own. Kama Sutra just brings back my love of brown girls with enchanting faces as they are taught seduction techniques in order to woo their men. This was not porn but a very nice movie where we follow to women and their consequences on what they chose in life. My only problem is that the DVD needs to be updated with better digital production because there were so many colors to bring to life. The sex scenes were cleverly erotic as the woman is first to kiss the bottom of the sheets before disrobing the male laying on the bed. While I'm so used to skinny as sticks Indians, there was one guy that looked like he cared about his body as he slowly seduced the servant girl. Words that liven up my day now: Full-Indian Bush!

Good Luck Chuck? Pretty bad. Dane Cook is not funny. Jessica Alba cannot act. That's all you need to know even if her penguin panties were cute. You'll see your first 3-tittied woman, though. This movie will play in all frat houses starting now.

Angel-A? Clever and odd to watch. A guy rescues a woman that jumps off a bridge. After her constant cleaning up his bad habits in gambling debts, it's revealed that this woman is his angel sent down to help get him back on his feet. Weird in a good way. Foreign movies get to me when I am allowed to see the sights. Luc Besson, the director, is one of my favorites. Ever seen La Femme Nikita or The Professional? Brilliant classics.

Terminator 2 and Love And Basketball have been out for a long time. Both had me longing for the characters. From my love of Linda Hamilton's gorgeous biceps to the black girl that is in love with her neighbor, I can tell you that stories like these will keep you in there as well. There's the clever flirting between the 2 and that amazing chase with a liquid terminator. Terminator 2 is a movie I first saw in the theater in Florida where the line was so huge that we were on the side of the building for some time. Love And Basketball saw the possible eroticism of strip-basketball. That's one way to flirt.

So, I'm outta here as I dwell on this. I'm getting tired of blogging and seeing how it's become something where it's only the tired purpose of other showing off or no one sharing thoughts. I've talked politics but no one seems to care. I've dealt with showing you personal things in my head but I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. It feels like there is nothing left for me here. I don't care about what I have but some of you seem to find me just as a cheap thrill to click on when bored. You don't talk. There's all these people that read me but I have no clue as to who you are as there is something in here worth coming back to. What do you want me to talk about if you don't even talk back? Sex? Anger? More negativity? I sure as hell know I'm never going back to my old blog. Happy twats all around.

It's Hope, Bitch

"Sometimes, a girl has to be naughty to get herself out of a jam."

-Domino

I don't get it. The media once admitted to how ridiculous their coverage of things only to continue on with what we were complaining about. Okay, I'll slightly understand the need to become a tabloid in order to get people watching. CNN loves Britney Spears and Anna Nicole. Apparently, every person killed in Iraq by our planes or marines was Al Qaeda. Jeez, these guys really get around after years and years of fighting. But how the fuck is it that the media, mostly spoiled liberal arts majors, continue to only talk about Obama, Clinton, Mitt, Rudy, and McCain but nothing much on Jon Edwards?

No, I'm not going all political on you. I'm just curious as to why Jon Edwards's message of how corporate America is fucking the common man has not gotten through. You'd swear that the only people battling for the presidency were the ones mentioned above. It is nice that the word 'Change' that all the candidates keep talking about is also about how much poorer we've gotten. Hillary can cry all she wants. The bitch still doesn't get it and neither does the American public's insisting everything be about Obama and her.

Fuck this shit. I'm tired of the media's lazy messages where a woman putting up nude pictures on the Internet is suddenly a porn star. No recession!?! Dude, look around you! We've been in a recession for 3 to 4 months that I can say has happened. I don't know what you've been told but seeing people barely get by sure as hell means the Republicans have done fucked up again.

I like Jon Edwards but am going for Obama still, though. He's the only one that can beat a Republican candidate, where the pickings equal zero. One has a son that got caught killing a cat while he was a Boy Scout. Can you say possible serial killer?

At work, I had to view various things marked for Valentine's Day. Ask any person and you'll get mixed thoughts. The single guy/gal will say how much it would mean to have someone in their bed because the rest of the world is going at it like gerbils in heat. Those in relationships will be looking in their wallets for how far they're going to go in terms of gifts. Me? I'm trying to put this out of my mind for now even if I do agree that times are tough to even find a quiet moment with someone. We're just too fucking busy trying to get that cake, yo. Is it possible to be too tired to fuck? You bet yo' sweet cellulite-filled ass it is. I'm a zombie and Sara looks like she wants to kill someone.

Speaking of Valentine's Day........

Remember, it is the day that I got my ass handed to me by the girl that took my flower. Yeah, we all start somewhere when it comes to the bedroom. For me, it was being 19 and learning the stuff sex ed. never taught all thanks to a 29-year-old named Kristan. Last night, I got all sentimental because the movie I watched with her was playing, Vision Quest.

You can stop here if you wish because some have already heard this story thousands of times. I hate it when I get like this, it's late at night and I'm already deep into the movie that I've done seen too many times. Besides, it's kind of nice to watch a wrestler make the weight of 168 in order to take on the best of the best. Kristan and I knew it got much worse because there is a whole other story of this guy before the big match takes place. Laudin, the high school wrestler trying make weight, meets Carla, an older woman staying while his dad fixes her car. You know the damn thing by heart. That girl is going to make the easily impressionable boy a man.

Damn, Vision Quest. Good ol' 80's movies with heart and a little bit of Journey to help us remember how ridiculous but possible things can happen. How was I to know I'd be sitting on a couch with an older lady that would then say, "If I could sleep with anyone in the world, it would be you." How the fuck am I to answer that? I know nothing. You know everything. After having your way with 22 penises, how can I, barely out of high school, be worthy? Like Carla in Vision Quest, Kristan told me that it was how different I was. We'd stay up late and discuss politics and argue any topic. Even the fucking school system got a major paragraph from me.

So, there you have it. Ultrarooster was once a virgin for a short while after the age of 19. Scared? Oh, fucking hell yeah. That woman had to practically rape me because I was slightly shy about having my most sensitive parts on display. Times have changed. I'll just fucking use my penis to wave at Sara when she needs a good laugh after sex now.

Work has been exhausting. If I'm not thinking back to the good old days where I had my flower or avoiding the Valentine's Day shit coming through, it's spent being asked how much I bench-press (Like I've never heard that.....) or watching chaos happen when machines break down. Skinny white boys move faster than you think. That's a fact.

So, I'm outta here as I find myself freezing downstairs. We've got snow, only a small amount for now. Sometimes, I wonder if anyone thinks about politics and why the average joe is too stupid to vote for what he/she really needs. Oh, that's right. It's important for us all to know that Britney Spears missed her latest deposition. How the fuck did I know that? Happy twats all around.

Da House That Dorks Built

Weird Fact: Law Of the Bier was an ancient legal ordeal practiced in Scotland that required suspects to touch the corpses of the murder victims. It was believed if the dead body started bleeding on contact with the suspect, he or she was the killer.

-Rue Morgue

I love weird shit like that. While we now have science on our side (and C.S.I. or any autopsy show), you've gotta find the old days interesting with possibilities. Where did they come up with the idea that a corpse would still bleed? Who decides on the possible execution methods? What liquids can help someone in the same way we have forensics? Did you know that blood sprays have a pattern? Did those in the past know this?

Watch Showtime's Dexter if you want to know a bit more on forensics from a serial killer. Amazing show! It's no wonder 95% of people interviewed thought the season finale was so good.

Life is not all good. Remember my issues with rain? Well, it's even worse up north where my aunt and uncle live. The local river has risen and has made its way up to their house. You'd think a lagoon has suddenly formed. This is not new but its the worst this has ever gotten. Trust me. We'll be hearing from them in a couple days or so on the flooding situation. All the various news centers have been talking about the flooding up north for the midwest all week.

Yes, obviously I stayed home this weekend. Just cannot understand women sometimes. Sara tells me she wanted the time for herself. Understandable after how crazy things were with the Holidays and that New Year's Eve party where I ended up D-R-U-N-K after being there for only 1.5 hours. There was that snowstorm, too. I'd pretty much throw in the towel by insisting on sleeping all day on Saturday.

Then again, that's not me. I'm all over the fucking place. Sara then tells me late last night that she wishes I had come by on Friday. Me, too. Nothing like getting off work and finding a boy in your bed. Right, ladies? Nothing makes you get out of those work clothes, demand a heavy makeout session, and then proceed right to where the magic happens. Otherwise, there is no point to life.

Unless, you are addicted to cartoons and Family Guy...........

Lost interest in making entries here this weekend. Just nothing to report due to very cold weather where I went out and bought that damn allergen comforter I've had my eye on for months. Perfect timing. I was warm and snug underneath that thing that I woke up feeling so good. All things must end, of course. Off to eat breakfast, sit-ups, and hit the gym. Yes, I'd rather be having sex with Sara but you've gotta do with what you can.

Found out my satellite TV has a 24-hour cartoon channel with some badass shit! Scooby-Doo, Thundarr the Barbarian, the original Superfriends, Batman, and some others I've yet to find out. I'd love to see the old Addams Family cartoon, Transformers, GIjoe, Captain Caveman, and whatever else my warped mind can remember from long ago. Hell, Bravestar came out on DVD recently! Loved the theme song.

Guess you've discovered my fantasy. Go to work for those 8 fucking hours, work out, and curl up on the couch with Thundercats like I did when I was little. Good thing Sara knows it as well. When she saw the DVD set of it in my room, she does what everyone does.

"Thunder.........thunder.........Thundercats............HOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I'm pretty sure the "Hooooo" is "home" but no one can verify this claim. The cartoon, Thundercats, was okay but it's just one of those that makes you want to stand up and sing the theme song as it plays. You can do moronic martial arts moves and pretend a friend is Cheetara. If you have no friends, just point out to something on the dresser as if it is one singing along with you. No matter how dorky you feel, remember that there are far dorkier people out there that swing objects thinking they are lightsabers. My favorite is when I come across a sliding door and pretend to use the Force to open it like in Star Wars.

So, I'm outta here as I await 5 days of hellish work prior to taking off for Indiana where I will mount the female awaiting me. I hope. There is nothing like being a dork and knowing that your dorkiness is appreciated. Happy twats all around.

Hate Rain But Love Wet

"I divide my nights off between trying to kill myself and setting fire to other bars. I spent 6 years in prison and 6 years in France. I preferred prison."

-Mae Syzlak of Simpson

Rain. That's pretty much all you fucking need to know. As much as it is beautiful when lit by streetlights, it's not so much fun to walk in while getting to your car. Picture a gigantic parking lot. That would be my work's place. Picture a much smaller one but cramped. That would be my gym's. Hated both with a passion. All I've seen is rain these past few days.

While I have been good about avoiding the last portion of white chocolate cake, I cannot say the same for the new reality show, Make Me A Supermodel on Bravo. Yes, the channel that brings you Project Runway (surprisingly entertaining when you have a gay guy with an agenda) has another addictive one that'll bring you right in. Don't worry. It's nothing as low as that Tyra Banks crap that turned me off after 2 seasons. I've disliked Tyra ever since she censored one of my favorite sex writers that visited her show. For a girl that talks poop and farting in interviews, it's weird that the good ol 'in n' out' is just plain out.

A sex talk is no fun without 4-letter words and fun dirty talk. I can talk about how much I love to eat pussy and watch my cock sink into that warm wet slit all fucking day.

But this isn't about that. It's more along the lines of how people that just don't get it continue to not get it. One girl did not want to wear a thong on the runway. Excuse me? 2 of the guys did and 1 of the girls did as well. While the others got to choose bathing suits because they didn't draw the thong card, it's still idiotic for a girl to pull that. A model is supposed to show what the designer wants shown. C'mon, how much you wanna bet this woman with a fabulous figure is wearing good old cotton floss up her ass with a pair of jeans?

In my view, only less than 10% of women can pull off wearing a thong. Don't go throwing spoons at me, for those that feel so 'sexy' thanks to a tiny piece of fabric. Hardly any guys look good in tank-tops, short shorts, and pierced genitals. The pussy lips were made for such a thing while the penis just looks like a helmet with no need for something silver. Look at it this way. Does a hammer look like you want to add anything to it? You'd almost instantly think of placing something in your earlobes, right?

But can we get to Tyson? Sara totally fawns over him, one of the rarest of black men that shows consideration and a fun spirit rather than trying to make everyone envy or fear him. I'm curious if Sara got wet when Tyson dropped his robe to show everyone on the show that the tiniest of bathing suits can flatter a guy willing to put some time in the gym. And, yes, I would walk down the runway in a thong or tiny speedo if I was trying out to be a supermodel. No questions asked. I love being naked in a comfortable environment.

My little fat man that looks like he's smuggling a globe underneath his shirt keeps on buttering me up. Richard, my fellow gym-mate and all-around-recently-divorced-goofball, keeps winning t-shirts off of a radio show. He's supposed to be working for the local college but instead he's calling up and answering trivia. Guess who gets the t-shirts. Me. Since Richard cannot fit X-Large or anything below that in size, he brings them to the gym. Thanks to all those movies I've loaned him, we've become odd buddies. He's 52, proud, and a stomach that resembles the whole wide world underneath his shirt. When I wear those shirts, they remind me of him as I curl up to sleep.

Sara said this made her laugh.

Damn, I'm now realizing I'm a horny little devil. Kind of thinking along the lines of wanting something soft and sensual. To me, that means she would lay down with her ass in the air for me to lick her pussy from behind. I'm so visual because I love to see everything, that wet slit and tightly enclosed asshole. Sometimes, I get a little out of control because the scent of her wet cunt makes me take both hands for pulling her ass cheeks apart for more eating. Some days, it's all about how you eat a fine wet cunt. 'Tis a good thing when my nose, lips, and all around are sloppy wet afterwards. Others, it's standing there brushing your teeth watching her suck you off while she pees. Girls do get bored sitting there. Just sayin'.

So, I'm on my way upstairs to possibly start on another DVD. Might be War because there's ninjas involved with a cop's revenge. Other possible choices to get on DVD are Lady Chatterley and How Will I Be Loved. Monica Belucci is a sexy European actress while Lady Chatterley is a classic erotic book by D.H. Lawrence banned many times over. To hear that the actress running completely naked in the rain has a bush pleases me, too. Oh, to bury my nose in it is wonderful thing I miss. Bare pink lips but something to see when the panties are torn off has become an extinct event. Happy twats all around.

Done Gone Retarded Again

"Down by the Riverside, it's bound to be a better ride than what you've got planned."

-"Hazy Shade Of Winter" by The Bangles

Cake. White chocolate cake is a weakness of mine, especially if it's freshly made and sitting in the middle of the kitchen table after I get home from the gym. "Ah fuck it, have a piece!" is what my mind kept telling me after another nasty session spent in the gym. Of course, I did. I also ended up feeling a little bloated the rest of the night. That piece of cake was huge, yo.

One thing I keep forgetting is that I have a new boss (sorta). This began on Monday and I'm not sure what to think of him. My problem has to do with not trusting really nice people. You know the type. They just seem too good to be true. Smile? Check. Shake hands with firm handshake? Check. Pats on the back? Yup, and this is so good that I wouldn't give a cold eye if it was on my nice firm buttocks. I'm just so used to the nasty side of people, namely zombies wanting to kiss the boss's ass in retail.

My other boss, on the other hand, continues to look like I'm going to beat him up and then laughs about it. What I enjoy doing is telling him in the words of the almighty New Kids On the Block, to 'hang tough.' Believe me. It puts a smile on all those that lived in the 90's. Cuz you know it aint over til the fat lady sings.

As of right now, Sara and I have been planning this year's vacations. It's inevitable because she has to fight her workplace in order to receive her time off. I, on the other hand, go when I want pretty much. Our destination is going to be another attempt at Chicago because it was too cold/chilly for a visit this year. Then, on my birthday, a bunch of us are going to Atlanta just like we did those other two times. Smelly is how we ended up. Boys get out in the parking lot and apply cologne while the girls get topless and change shirts. I saw 4 tits that day!

Esquire Magazine had a question about what to talk about with a girl you fucked for the first time. Weird how easy this is. Proper etiquette according to moi is to raise your hand real high and ask for a high-five. Cuddling is so overrated. The new type of woman wants to be handled like her body is a sports arena.

I'm kidding. Though, I'm pretty sure I did that at one time as a joke. Not sure how that went because I still cannot remember some of the names of the girls I slept with.

If you must know how I feel, I am so very sore. Work and working out really takes their toll on me each night. Plus, it's Sunday where I started going back to the gym night after night. 3 days in a row and I feel like I've just started working out again. The bathtub to lay in hot water is how I spend my early evenings, almost like I'm playing football again. Oh, the main source of pain is right where the shoulders meet the pectoralis muscle. Put your arms straight out and clap. That's hard for me to do right now.

It's funny, the feelings I get from gathering myself up again to attack the gym like I once did. Weeks before, it was all about going and then spending the night doing just push-ups and reverse sit-ups at home. The Holidays made me cranky with too much energy wasted screaming at the number of idiots driving around shopping for gifts. By the time I got home, all I really wanted to do was soak or curl up in a ball. I may have more energy now but I'm feeling like I'm a virgin trying to figure out what to do with his fingers on a first date that ended up on her couch. Oh, and I'm naked, too.

Seen these new David Beckham Armani underwear ads? Fascinating because I never knew he had abs like that. Not that they're bad. It's just that this is a major 6-pack that you only see on the most insane gymnasts. Sara loves Mr. Beckham. I'll admit to a slight man-crush on David because I love how quietly strong he is. Nice taste in style, too. Awful in the wives category.

When I read that women swoon more over their husbands' doing the dishes, I got confused. What happened to the wet panties caused by abdominals or protective chest? I know not all women love muscles but my girlfriends sure were obsessed with them. Of course, the needs change and then come back. The first few years of marriage will be a bit of fun. I can think of a lot of older gals that suddenly feel that need to be mounted and penetrated by the manhood of a young buck with 6-pack abs when taking sight of the mess left behind by the husband obsessed with Doritos. We are a weird species. Men get love handles and guts. Women get shelves on their crotches. It's no wonder we need Viagra, Cialis, and a paper bag.

So, I'm outta here as I type on this chilly night. Boredom. Confusion. An idiot knows not these things. Well, I consider myself 'mildly-retarded' and I have conquered these things. The only things that can save me are sex, cuddling, and the ability not to be pulled into the white chocolate cake tractor beam. Happy twats all around.

Porn Starts Somewhere

"When you close your eyes, is it hell you see?"

-Ginger Snaps

It's interesting the things people do for porn. A man's large pornography collection valued at close to $1,000 was stolen from his apartment. Nothing else was taken, just porn. Sounds like an inside job, no? Weird for a few things. You think $1,000 is a lot of porn!?! Hells bells, no. I may not think that Playboy is porn but I have every issue from 1984 to present plus a lot of 1979 on up. Think about how big a field day the local newspaper would have with someone stealing that.

"Boy cries in front of his home as he realizes all the real and unreal breasts will now only be in his mind. Last seen making obscene chants about his love of hair-pie and big giant nipples from the sky."

Actually, I'd more or less just laugh it off even if I'm planning on selling it all. The best thing is reading about how there are now various discussions on how a person can help keep their porn safe from thieves. Some people (obviously single and lonely), prior to leaving their apartments, now hide everything in their bathtubs. Never mind the jewelry or flat-panel HDTVs. You'll get the porn stash from my cold dead hands, you bastards.

Oh, and, girls, don't laugh. How would you feel if your favorite vibrator, dildo, or shower massager was taken from you? There is only so much you can do with a dog and peanut butter. The really kinky know what I'm talking about.

I don't know about how you react to work's ending. For me, it's a long walk through a giant parking lot just to get to my car. Tonight and many other nights lately, I've felt so empty and wondering if it's anger or tiredness. My back suffers from soreness prior to getting patted down by security. Sometimes, I make them laugh by mentioning how what they are doing is ticklish. Others, I just long for more sun after being in the cloudy darkness on yet another rainy night. Of course, I feel safe, yo. I'm a ninja. No one fucks with a ninja.

So, you'll probably get this. There is a foreign movie called Cash Back that got major good reviews and won some awards. This odd little film has us following an art student recently broken up from his girlfriend and cannot sleep. His possible solution? To work the night shift at a grocery store with some misfits. It's quite funny without that annoying American broken record thing where a famous moron is hired (Jessica Simpson or Dane Cook) to get the usual zombies inhabiting this country to watch.

That catch is that Cash Back has misfits. You know, those weirdos insane enough to work the night shift? One of them just happens to be thought of as a ninja. Seriously. I found myself laughing at how everyone that works at this grocery store is afraid of him. If anyone does get mad and possible fighting will take place, the so called 'ninja' does martial arts moves and everyone leaves him alone. There is something to be said when you see your life on the big screen even if I don't work the night shift.

Trust me. I have worked the night shift in the past and, yes, everyone is a misfit in some way. When you are bored, talk of running up and down the aisles completely nude seems normal.

Anyway, it's almost Wednesday and I don't know what I'll do this weekend. Stay or Indiana? I'm always so tired after work ends that I feel as if I'm no good for Sara. "Zombie-ish" is what I'd call it. I want to be really young again and lose sleep over the drug store's stash of stickers rather than know that work happens.

So, I'm outta here. Sammy, I'll get back to you later after that shocking email. For some reason, everyone just bombarded my inbox tonight. My friends still believe that spam will make them as rich as it says it will. Sleep. I want it now. Happy twats all around.

Time Is Of Essence

"I trust time to to show me truth and that's all I trust time to do."

-Suicide Girl Bree

I know I swore off any discussion on the topic of politics. It's just that I'm growing damn curious as to how any of you see things. Are you for Obama? McCain? Hilary? What makes you vote for a certain someone? I'm serious in that I hate how ridiculous politics has become, whoever has the most money can actually be allowed to lead this country. Case in point: Our current idiot of a president that had Daddy buy him a seat.

The thing that annoys me is Hilary's need to get emotional about how badly she wants to rule/run the world. I've always wanted a strong leader, even if crying is okay in everyday life. It's just that I've always seen a leader as someone not using whining to get his/her way. Tell me why I should vote you in. Damn, I want strength. After the last 8 years, I'd just want someone that can talk correctly.

"Is our children learning?"

Guess who said that. It amazes me that a large amount of people follow Hilary only because of her husband. Rudy rides his fleeing popularity based on one thing, stupidity at placing a headquarters easy enough for terrorists to crash into. Obama is slightly catering to the religious nuts by carrying around a guy that somehow overcame his homosexuality. McCain wants to tell us that all the others are hypocrites but.........didn't he pretty much do a complete u-turn on what he once stood for? My guess is that anyone is better than Bush but, again, it's the lesser of 2 evils. I'm still an Obama man, man.

So, my question to you is whether you're gonna vote. Do you even understand politics? Does a sign that reads "Ron Paul" confuse you? It really is hard to gather when it comes to the information bombarded at you. All I know is I want someone that will keep religion out of his/her decisions, keep abortion legal, take us out of Iraq, tax the wealthy a bit more, create a fair tax system, unite nations, have the pharmaceutical industry held to higher standards all while making drugs more affordable, stop lobbying, order the lardasses to get up off their asses and workout, and tell everyone in Congress that there will be no health insurance for them until our country's is fixed. Is it possible?

What can I say? I spent the whole day dicking around. Aint that a stitch? I may have gone the usual gym-time route but then just lay around thinking. Some days, no matter how good the weather is, it's only worth it when the sun shines in.

I've dabbled around in the thoughts of why we sleep together again. It has to be more than just the sex and feeling of someone watching over you while you sleep. The only thing I could come up with is how Sara and I find ourselves talking more deeply right before we drift off. Right now, I miss that. I miss it a lot. Sometimes, things would drop right off into the weirdness category but then go right back into something more meaningful. How do I know when the conversation is over and done? My orders are to turn off the light. Not only am I sleeping near the window but I control the darkness.

I just cannot fathom sleeping alone. It's almost like the cruelest form for the lonely. You're there without a pair of knickers on and no one to feel you up. Well, it is nice to nod off while holding a nice pair of tits, at least to me. Somebody loves you in that pile of pillows. Make sure you grab them back because almost 3 years makes you realize how lucky you are.

Other than my meaningless jargon, I've dabbled in my Year In Review Entry located below. Added a few things and even corrected little mistakes. This was my first big entry for Blogger, something I did a lot of in my old blog. Those were the days, less tired and more care-free than the past few months. I still long to say, "I'm going outside to play without my pants on."

So, you can take this as it is all while reading my additions to my Year In Review. It's obvious I feel kind of empty inside. Warm days like this mean more when you're curled up with someone. Happy twats all around.