Sunflowers

"It's poetry in motion.
She turned her tender eyes to me.
As deep as any ocean,
As sweet as any harmony."

-"She Blinded Me With Science" by Thomas Dolby

My girlfriend sent me flowers today. I'm not the biggest flower person but I do admit to a slight turn towards sunflowers, black roses, and daisies. It's always the underrated types that are so beautifully forgotten by everyone's obsession with roses. Oh, and I gets it, too, dear reader. Sara would tell you that I love red.

The flowers were sent as a gift for our anniversary. Since I had done a lot of these things in our 3 years, Sara decided she would do the gifting. Surprised the hell out of me to find flowers in a towering box. My first thought was this 'thing' was for the broken garage door being worked on as I walked down the stairs, not pretty stuff to place on a table where they now are in a quart of water.

The results of the flu are in. I've lost a total of 10 pounds, my need to be social, and habit of wondering aloud to myself as to why Ralph Nader has thrown his hat into the ring for president. 10 pounds lost in 5 days is very damaging to the body. While I do look nicely toned even more in the face, my stomach cannot handle the loss of body fat. Anything I eat is sent out in the worst way. It is the most horrible feeling in yo' ass. Abs look really nice!

Ah, but life just seems to float on by. Perverted Old Man took the time to talk to me in the gym. Remember him? You will when I mention how he came up to me and said one of my favorite quotes of all time:

"You look like you get a lot of pussy. If I looked like you, I'd walk around naked all the time."

The pressure! There is pressure to keep looking this good! I'm kidding. The guy is a little weird but quite nice as long as you are a guy. One of my female friends hated him and how he always stared at her in the gym. Some men have a really major taste for blonds that's, like, totally unhealthy.

Basically, I got a lot of patting on the back by Perverted Old Man about how I can lift so much weight with my back. You could say I'm dying to be talked to in the gym ever since Richard went into surgery for his torn tendons. I miss him for I just don't talk to anyone else much now. As anti-social as I am right now, Richard is the one to bring me out of it. There is something about a guy that looks like he's smuggling a globe underneath his shirt.

So, how do I sum up The weekend during The Vagina Monologues? After all the bad dancing (I was awful) during my time spent sober at the table surrounded by women, some that looked like they could kill me (A couple weighed more than me, possibly), I must say I did have a blast. The highlight would be the small Asian girl we befriended. The girl could dance! That's pretty much all she did when her friends left her in the sushi restaurant. Whether it was by herself or with Sara or the girls, she was fun to just watch bounce all over the place. It got so late I had to drive her back to her dorm (only 19). Sara was drunk. The roommate was even drunker because this door mouse was a little obnoxious with personality. Do you know how hard it is to get directions on a large campus when 75% in the car are drunk from Sex & the City style drinks?

Some of the girls I will run into again. One, Molly, runs the local porn shop, has an open relationship, and is a total dominatrix. Sara is hot for her. I did dance with her while Sara acts all shy around her. Hard to explain how weird this goes. Molly was sexy in fishnets while performing in The Vagina Monologues. Girls, a lot of guys love fishnets. You cannot go wrong with a hint of thong or panties, thigh high boots, cleavage, and fishnets.

As for my dear large black woman, Juanita, that had to be tortured by my discussion on how the Spice Girls' first album was the best, I hope to see her again. I had a blast being grabbed and laughed with over stupid things where I cannot understand women in. "Why are they always late?" It was fun and got deeper when Juanita glares at me with, "And you aren't?" I always get a kick out of those willing to play a little bit. Plus, she comes walking out of the auditorium right for me just like I promised her I would see the damn play.

*Psst!* Juanita was gonna get laid that night, too. I saw the little man with her.

But, of course, you would find it strange that we at a table can openly discuss female ejaculation, pussy stains, my need to be Keira Knightley's bicycle seat (I was seriously shocked when Sara just blurted that out), and angry vaginas. Maybe it's because of the horrible state of the world that we need a little joy in our lives. Don't tell me you're one of those war mongerers howling about how great McCain is. Your wife probably doesn't put out for you anymore because all you do is draw pictures of soldiers bursting into homes and ruining families' Christmases.

So, I am going to skeddadle out of here. I'm bored and feeling so anti-social but I still have to thank Sara for the flowers. I'll see her this weekend, hopefully, and get back into having her ride me in the morning. When the sun is shining and your boyfriend has a gorgeous stick of morning wood going, what ya gonna do, ladies? Happy twats all around.