Ultrarooster Eats Cookies

"I do it all for me grub."

-T-shirt slogan I love

Well, I'm back and what can I tell ya? How's about late night cookies, stuck with a bunch of drunken older folks, and trying to explain to Sara's dad what a black fraternity stance is when the Patriots' Randy Moss did it. That's for all my Q-Dawgs out there. Y'all still feeling me?

No, I was never in a black fraternity. I'm white and knowledgeable with a huge side of cynicism. It should also come as no surprise that I tend to follow my dick. Yes, I went to Indiana even after much pleading from various people about the weather. 10-inches of snow is nothing to me. Roads are generally clear in the early evening if no more snow comes down during the day. It's that fucking simple so off I go to relieve this sexual frustration of needing to be bedded on cold days.

It's hard to explain how I feel at times because Mondays after a weekend in Indiana have me so fucking tired after coming down. I've got the drive home, work, and then it's possible I can make it into the gym. Wears me down so here I go.........

Ever seen Stephen King's The Mist? Might have read the book by the same name? It's kind of what we've got going on here in Indiana and Illinois thanks to the sudden humidity after the snow. I could barely see in front of me on the way home. Yeah, I still drove at close to 80mph but had to tone it down at certain turns. Some people have no driving ability when it comes to such heavy fog.

What's really eerie is the fog got so thick after work that even I got worried about getting home. Stop signs were impossible to see. 12 accidents happened today. These were mostly about people driving through stop signs while various people gave up driving altogether. Cars were left parked on the side with their flashers on to warn people not to hit them. Why leave yo' damn car in the street, fools!?! I swear people get dumber every year. Many of them are the type that vote for Republicans.

But the cookie thing was cool! Here I was standing in Sara's kitchen complaining about how I was dying for a cookie after seeing her eat chocolate chip ones from a store. Made me jealous. Sara has a plan. A new shop opened up for insomniacs in need of a cookie/milk fix like no other. 6 dollars is the minimum buy in order to get a delivery of hot melting cookie. Yum, yum, yum. Good ol' Mr. Money Bags here got himself a major cookie fix with a warm macadamia nut white chocolate and an oatmeal raisin one to add to it. Strawberry milk was used to wash it all down as Sara and I along with her roommate went right back to watching E! Channel's Girls Next Door. I'm just one of the girls when I visit Indiana, sometimes. We gossip, eat cookies, and play with each other's hair. It takes a long time for women to allow a guy to see them lose brain cells on fixes almost as dangerous as heroin. Cookies are a gateway drug but even harder on women, seeing as it will soon have us wondering how fat we got the next day.

Sara thinks I'm pretty crazy for spending $95 on an erotic photography book. Me, too. Nice book but a bit too pricey for such a nice impulse buy right before heading out to Indiana. I'm no longer fazed at women looking at pictures of naked women. A well-shaved cooter does that to all the lovely women I'm surrounded by.

Got my ass stuck in a pub thanks to drunken old farts thinking that it's alright to celebrate Mardi Gras when all I want is that most delicious cheeseburger and waffle fries ever made. It's been a long time since I've had this heart attack inducing type of burger, 2 giant onion rings on top of 2 strips of bacon with barbeque sauce, and I had an excuse. Too many of the servers were ordered to spend the time handing out shots. Ever seen a 50something guy do a shot? There's a pause for the dentures. Sara and I were pissed off about the wait and feeling like we were stuck. Well, we waited it out even if the drunken people's need to pound on tables around us annoyed us even more. I'm all for drinking but the older generation needs to hold back on these things by taking care of it at home. Wild Turkey, a large dog and an E-Z-Boy chair are a lot better than the younger generation worried if this will one day be them.

Nothing like surprising Sara by walking in the door while she's sending me an email telling me how horrible the snow is. I know. I just drove around so close that window!

Right now, 10-inches of snow has become giant mounds of slush as the humidity suddenly came upon us. 53 degrees! One day we need thick leather jackets and the next? Just a long-sleeved shirt. My Ghostbusters one was a hit. With guys, it's always a trip down memory lane.

"Oh, I loved Peter, Egon, and Ray! Do you think Egon ever did their secretary, Janine? What kind of wild animal was she when it came down to it? A total mounting in the way a lion takes his mate? Or would she learn some sort of freaky shit from seeing so many ghosts?"

This stuff matters, people. While I get annoyed at the drunken schenanigans of homeless old farts, I enjoy seeing people forget about all that with some sort of pillow talk about our Hollywood characters we grew up with. I still think Velma of Scooby Doo was hot, hotter than Daffney. Fred was gay, okay?

So, I am outta here with a vengeance. Let me tell ya this. Sex recharges the mind so I'm all free for a limited time. Getting some reminds me of why I am still alive and have no need to do have everyone pause while putting teeth back in my mouth. Happy twats all around.