Thong Just Got More Interesting

"I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay!"

-Monty Python

My dogs have this new little talent, not quite as close to being what you'd call rescue dogs talent, but a talent nonetheless. Thanks to the abundance of snow, they have taken it upon themselves to dig up old turds. It's funny. One of them would work as hard as possible, scattering snow all over, just to get a hold of something someone shit last week. To them, it's gold in the form of a frozen chocolate bar. Not all of them do this. You'll know this right away because it's only 5-Pound Phooey and Bonnie that have snow all over their mouths. Yes, my little snoring demon can be disgusting.

I'll be here this weekend. Sara's sick and my mother drives me nuts with her insisting on asking me how she is every 10 minutes. All I could do is point at the phone. I've seen how it would drive her crazy just to call up Sara. I've no problem with that at all. It would be fun allow my mother some sort of girl-talk thing she doesn't get in this house of 3 males.

To put it mildly, the last time my mother talked to Sara over the phone was to deliver me a message. Because I forgot to call upon arriving in Indiana, Sara smacked me on the head. That was the message.

How cool is the writer of Juno, Diablo Cody!?! I've loved her for years after reading her biography, "Candy Girl." I've always thought that a woman that can make me feel the horrors of having diarrhea right before having to come out to dance in a thong or face the ultimate horror, dancing alone to 2 Live Crew's "We Want Some Pussy" was destined for greatness. Yes, I know that song by heart.

"Hey, hey we want some pussy!"

For me, the ultimate writer is one that can show a complete ability to be vulnerable yet still strong as things get humiliating. Why do I remember so well the scene where Diablo discusses getting diarrhea? She made me feel there stuck in the stall while the manager banged away on it threatening to send her out to do 'the loser dance.' It's just not sexy to read about a woman getting this form of sickness but you know what? Just the thought of wearing a thong after a massive bout of diarrhea sends any thoughts of sexiness far, far away. We've all been there in some form and I love Diablo with her witty writing abilities.

Funny thing is that I found Candy Girl after all this time. Tempted to reread it again. Yes, it's that good because only 2 books, for me, are deemed worthy enough. Stephen King's "It" and Richard Kypling's "Ricki Tikki Tavi" are those that will never leave my library, besides that enormous collection of graphic novels.

So, I am going to leaveth you here as will be enjoying the sleep caught up in this weekend. Since Sara's sick, there is no way I want to go back to shivering all night. Thanks to Summer, I've got this weird worry that I might lose myself into thinking I'm fucking Sara only to really be fucking the bed. Satisfying the bed is easy because it doesn't shout out, "More! More! Give me more, Blue Steel!" Happy twats all around.