For Fun, In Butt

"Retarded or not, here I come!"

-Me

My love of the porn world's desire to out kink itself makes me glad I'm not a porn star. While I still long for the semi-bushes on women and an actual believable sexy story, I'm not so sure if women putting various drinks up their butts and then shooting them into a glass to drink is what I wish to see. Out of all my erotic dreams, the Kool-Aid Man does not come bursting through a wall to tell a young lass to 'put this up her butt.'

Sometimes, I'm lucky. I certainly wouldn't have said that last week during the flu. It's just that I am packing up for Indiana thanks to a dog-sitting interview. In other words, the dog has to like me. I'm hoping the little Yorkie likes cargo pants and a black D.R.I. fit Air Jordan t-shirt. Since my parents own 4 of these little mad dogs, I know how picky they can be.

It all started when Sara was asked to dog-sit for a woman she used to work with. This was a while ago and I guess my pictures of 4 Yorkies in various cowboy outfits (their stylist does this every year) got her attention when I brought them for show. Sara and I will be taking care of a house for a week all while getting paid. Plus, we get free food with various coupons to take advantage of. Wow! I didn't even think about payment when discussion took place. That's like a total holiday for me, laying on a couch after a workout where a small dog sits on my lap expecting a walk or good old fashioned noogie. 5-Pound Phooey likes it when I take her ears in my mouth and tug on them.

Cats. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with cats this time. My allergies are very bad. The more cats there are, the worse it gets where I will be struggling to breathe. It's not a joke. Sara's roommate has a cat, Lenore, that likes me. Sara's friends all seem to have cats as well. The only exception is a couple that own turtles. Oh, and those creatures in a half-shell do bite.

So, what's going on with you? Things are so quiet when my fat buddy, Richard, has had to lay low due to surgery for repairing the tendons in his right arm. He's right-handed so I asked him what's the major thing he has to worry about. Guys being guys, he mimics wiping his ass with his left hand. C'mon, you'd be scared about that, too.

Fact: Muslims see the left hand as evil. Richard would be fucked if he was Muslim.

Still lovin' Bravo's Make Me A Supermodel and can't wait for Top Chef's debut. Love food? Each episode will make you salivate over what's going on at the stove/challenge. Sara got me into this show, hosted by one of the loveliest of model's Padma. One thing I love is how she wouldn't allow people to cover up her scar from a car accident. I dig scars but I also want her to be shown in all her glory rather than as perfection.

Well, I must be off like a prom dress on prom night. I've got a small amount of packing to do and a lot of errands for tomorrow. Oil changes suck. Work makes me antsy because I know I have to drive to Indiana right after. Is anyone reading this shit? I know I owe you an email, Sammy, but where is your blog now? Happy twats all around.