Who Farted Who?

Fact: A British study found that the average woman farts 14 times a day.

Look, I don't know what magazine I read that from. I found it funny thanks to an Internet video answering the age-old question on whether beautiful women pass gas. A gorgeous bartender had various microphones placed around her in secret. Sure enough, there was a toot here and a toot there when she thought no one could hear. Do you realize how many giggles would be heard if we could listen to the guys listening on the beautiful girl's relief?

Ah, no more farting issues. I've had enough of such a thing for now. They come in fazes thanks to this weekend's watching a South Park episode that made fun of computer online addicts feeling like they are conquering the world. The whole gang gave their lives to destroying a geek that kept killing off their characters. Cartman decided to poop on a pan that his mother would bring for him while he continued to play. Sara would mimic the whole thing by saying:

"Mom! Bathroom!"

Down the stairs she would come with a pan for Cartman to poop on. I kid you not. I must be so behind in the times in thinking that censors would not allow turds to come out of cartoon characters' butts. By the way, it was a great South Park episode along with the one that made fun of 300 by taking us to the Les Bos bar. Get it?

As I said before, I had a great weekend. Wish I wasn't so tired from it, though. We're always so busy thanks to Spring coming up. An announcement of a marriage throws a lot of things off, namely gives us an excuse to get a bit drunk. Sara and I spent a lot of Sunday night with her gang of misfits after the movie, 10,000 B.C.

Warning: Do not go see 10,000 B.C. It is awful. While it is a movie, I have a hard time with inaccuracies like the enormousness of a sabre tooth tiger, perfect faces and teeth, boats, and a whole lot of shit you'll pick up on if you're smart. What I worry about is that kids going to see 10,000 B.C. will think all these things happened at that time. I hated wasting $8.50 to see that pile of shit that lasted close to 2 hours thanks to a large amount of movie trailers. The new Batman The Dark Knight one was cool, though. Way cool!

The Joker looks so close to perfect that I'm pretty sure I'm gonna sport a woody for 2 hours and die in the theater.

What Sara did for me on Sunday is something I'll never forget. After a late brunch in O'Charley's where we had the new omellets served only til 3pm, we hit the mall for Sara's new jeans. Didn't end up getting jeans. Instead, I watched as she paid $95 for 2 bras from Victoria's Secret. Jeez! I am so glad I am not a girl in many ways for I do not want to spend that kind of money to hide my beloved tits. I'm all for women being able to burn their bras and feel their boobs fly all over the place if this suits them. Knowing me, you shouldn't be surprised that I'd be unhappy with the 2-ton lardasses following all this.

Sara bought me 2 very nice button downs and cargo shorts from Express Men. Whoo! I've never had a girl buy me nice clothes like this. Never ever. I've gotten Calvin Klein underwear, flowers, t-shirts, books, candy, and so on. Nothing comes close the niceness of pin-striped button downs costing quite a bit even if there was a sale. I'm special........I guess. Sara always gives me the feeling she wants to dress me and I'm all for it. Gone are the days of XX-Large Air Jordan t-shirts to be replaced by more fitteds that accentuate what I've done to my body. I'm still prone to visits to Foot Locker but it's getting to the point that I can walk out more easily.

Don't go getting the idea I have a sugar mama. While it is nice to have a girl wanting to buy me clothes, I still wish to pay my own way. It is sweet, no? It is fun to have a girl walk through a department store and tell me what underwear she want to see protecting my cock or what color shirt would work with my blue eyes. How could I forget the letter I received from the woman that deflowered me? Those words that felt like a whisper, telling me how she loved to unbutton my Calvin Klein boxer briefs just to see my cock fall out after that torture of swelling in such a confined space.

There are a lot of emails to be sent out soon. I'm so behind thanks to being so busy with work and being in Indiana 2 weekends in a row. Plus, it took me a while to recover from the flu enough that I feel like myself again. Sammy, I'll hit you soon along with Summer's desire to read my filthy mind that's nowhere near as bad as Sara's. With this nice weather on its way, I'm longing to find myself in a good mood just pounding out sentences where I don't have to tell you how fed up I am with shoveling.

Did you know gas cost $1.42 when Bush took office? Just a thought.

So, I am outta here as I make my way to finishing the new DVD, Hitman. Love it so far. There is something to be said about an assassin that dresses perfectly. This movie has it all, some nudity with a hint of a lovely woman's bush, mysterious baddies, and violence that is a bit out there but still fun. Happy twats all around.