Bang Dose Drums

"The price of gas is so high that Lindsay Lohan got drunk and walked into a tree."

-Bill Maher

Definitely an odd weekend. For an April, this weekend was cold and unusually gross in atmosphere. Here I was getting over a cold only to find myself feeling like it's back on again. Could be the cat allergies. Could just be the amount of germs being spread into the air by the type found at McDonald's. Don't you just hate it when fat chicks eating fries on a bench think that thong makes them sexy?

To narrow it down, I felt like shit and Sara got sick. There. That pretty much sums the whole weekend up! It's no wonder I came home drained but had to get to work on time. Lucky me. Lucky for us all that there are jobs were we are not allowed to have sick time or we just won't get paid. Lucky for us that we'll have to start spreading the germs around so we're all happy that everyone's sneezing.

Never had a friend's cat get so friendly with me. On a visit to one of Sara's friends, I lay down on her bed while the girls went on and on in talking. Out pops a cat that gets on top of my chest, lays down, purrs, and finds the need to massage my stomach. If I stopped running my hands through its long hair, I'd get a large paw on my face telling me that it shall not end. So sayeth the cat. So sayeth the fact that I live without scratches.

Sara said my snoring was so bad that night. Cats. They slowly kill me while making it difficult for Sara to sleep.

What is funny to me is that this is the first weekend I've ever been given porn from a girl. Sara's friend, Carrie, the cat's owner, gave me a large plastic bag of various magazines for my lonely southern buddy, Bald-O. Yes, it is sad that there are certain people, namely the tobacco chewing/smoking/head shaven variety that need some sort of lovin' even if it's self-lovin'. This might help while realizing motor oil is not the best for lubrication.

Spent a small amount of time going over all the mags to give to Bald-O. Want to guess who went through them first? Sara sits right down and goes over each page with her opinions. Women with their legs spread wide open doesn't faze her. Nor does various men holding their penises. Sara loves porn and has no problem with letting everyone know. While there was one Playboy, something I don't consider porn at all, there are 2 Playgirls that I want to leave in Bald-O's bathroom. He's played jokes on me so I'm about to get his friends to start walking out of the bathroom wondering if there is a reason a small town male teacher has not had a girlfriend in a long time. Bald-O's gossipy, too.

The strange thing is that I thought porn magazines would get more hardcore, considering how nasty the 'Net has gotten. Hardly any cum shots. No pictures of women peeing. Only 1 S & M scene. All girl-on-girl action has one blonde with a redhead or brunette. Most pussies are so perfectly symmetrical in that the lips are same on both sides. Assholes have zero hair unless it's a self-shot from a fan. Not as much anal sex either.

It's weird how unfazed I've become towards porn magazines as I've not seen many the last 5 years. I really thought things would be much nastier but things are so tame. It's no wonder people spend more time on the 'Net. There's so much free shit and you can actually watch women take dumps if that's your thing.

However, Plumpers will always make me giggle when fat chicks pose nude. No matter how seductive she's trying to look while mimicking a beached whale, you know she's thinking about that Double Stuff Oreo the crew member in the back is eating.

There was one highlight for Sara and I. The local college gave a free percussion show on Sunday. Loved it! I'm riding a slice of mushroom pizza when things go bang or boom. Drums just do it for me as guys and girls bang away for about 2 hours. Just wish people in the audience had more manners by sitting still as things get underway. Just why do people get up and come back so often? It distracts those of us that like watching banging music happen.

So, I'm done and gone as I once again find myself worn the fuck out. Dog sitting comes next as I'm with a job to stay in a brand new house to take care of a little Yorkie. Free beer is nice. High definition television is nice, too, but you want to know my favorite thing? Cat-free! I've spent every day in Indiana sneezing or coughing thanks to a little white cat. I'm so happy to just chill out with a small dog that probably sees things my way. We'll talk more porn later. Happy twats all around.