I'm Lost And I'm Found

"And here be Ultrarooster, buried next to the local whorehouse, for he loved women."

-A man reading of the list of the dead

Well, if it's any indication on women, I learned my little 5-Pound Phooey has a jealous bone in her body. On this evening's walk, a small dog put her paws up on my thigh when I bent down to pet her. My dog just wasn't having it. 5-Pound Phooey lets out all sorts of doggy obscenities about how I am hers. Yes, it was a weird form of drama in the 4-legged variety.

Pennsylvania, you may be a very pretty state. However, I have no idea why you allowed Hillary to remain in the primaries. Boo. Obama is a different kind of politician. What? You'd rather be lied to or told that because you are a woman you should vote for a woman? Hillary will answer that 3AM call? Even one of the most critical of government, Bill Maher, shows some interest in Obama. So gullible to buy into Hillary's schemes. Beautiful state full of idiots that just might have fallen into this stupid 'bitter-gate' trap where Obama cleverly stated how so many Americans cling to religion and guns instead of wits during these terrible times.

Catholics suck, too.

Why do women find it so easy to bend over right in front of me when I work out? Little red shorts. Very obviously within them are teeny tiny panties imprinted in panty lines. I'm doing my best to finish my bicep workout yet you want to flash me the outline of your little strawberry between your legs. Damn you! Do you not realize how much poison my balls hold!?!

Oh, dare I ask? Why is it that the pope apologizes for the molestation cases yet still doesn't do anything about the removal of these power abusing clergies? Just curious.

A lot of dogs out there tonight. Lucky for me, I got off work early. Must be my look of frustration where my boss knows I'm not one to fuck with. I'm a firm believer that I do the work. Great. You've gotten a lot out of me but there are times I need some relief as well. Remember when I got sent home early? I abided. Now, it's my turn to relax a little after carrying 100's of large carpets, etc.

Plus, you just do not fuck with a guy that has arms 3 times the size of.......oh, never mind.

I haven't packed yet for Indiana. It's just too bloody hot right now and I'm sick of all the sweat I've leaked out of me. That sounds gross, no? It's 4 days where I'm to play house and you've gotta remember that it's been a while since I've spent more than 2 days in a row with Sara. Will we survive? Will we end up having sex? Will the dog wish for us to be gone?

But we've got karaoke to save us! The couple we're babysitting their dog for has a cable service that provides this. I'm so calling Duran Duran because their songs have been playing in my head all week. "Hungry Like the Wolf" and "Rio" are totally worth it depending on how much beer I've had. If I have to do it alone, by golly, I'll stand there and sing my heart out about searching the jungles while a little dog stares at me in confusion. If I look as I sound, it'll be said dog hiding behind the couch until my awful howls stop.

Some people do it totally rock star. Somebody put up a video of themselves doing a masterful Guitar Hero where he's receiving a blowjob as he does his thing.

Then again, there is something to be said about frat parties gone wrong when the most laziest of guys has various women place his penis inside the girl wanting to be fucked. Is it odd to have your buddies cheer you on as your bare ugly ass is pumping away? I've got him beat, though because I like it when Sara playfully holds my cock as I pee.

So, figure this entry out as you wish. I'm tired, bored, and wanting to watch Duran Duran videos when I get the chance. When I watched them on closed captioning, all I could wonder was whether I was drunk as a child. Those lyrics are not exactly the way I heard them back then. I'm on the hunt I'm after you. Girls on film! Girls on film! Happy twats all around.