Does Robin Think I'm Hot?

Me: "I'm tense."

Sara: "You're tens???"

-The feeling I tried to tell Sara when it came to driving to Chicago only to find that she misheard me.........again.

Nothing like starting the day to seeing a paparazzi picture of Lindsay Lohan digging for gold in her nose. That all reminds me of how I spent yesterday poring over various conversations between teenagers on what they do in the bathroom while taking a shit. It seems cell phones come in handy because you can play video games while 'dropping the kids off at the pool.' What got me laughing is that there are those that play around by taking pictures of the floor with them. Taking a shit is boring so creativity at any level helps.

Well, how was Chicago? Amazing! I'll start off by telling you that we went for one main reason, to meet one of Sara's favorite authors, Christopher Rice, in Barnes & Noble. This was a 2.5 hour drive for an autograph and listening to a reading. What I have to say is that I was impressed with how professional Mr. Rice was. Everyone had an opportunity to ask something about characters, books, and you know the rest of the drill. Sara says Christopher is hot so I'll have to agree with this due to the large amount of gay males in the audience.

It was gay all the way. The two guys in front of me? Gay. The one across the aisle from Sara? Totally gay. The guys in back of me? Gay. The guy in the purple/blue button down? Gay. The girl with the butterfly tattoo on the right shoulder? Gay. This fascinated me for some reason. Not only did my gaydar pick up but I loved how all of these guys were so obviously infatuated with Christopher Rice. If it wasn't the eyes fluttering, you would know it by how nervous fawning taking place when asking a question. Sara loved all this because she loves gay guys and Christopher Rice.

While Sara was away, I talked the two guys in front of me to take a picture of Sara with Christopher Rice along with an answer to her question (I"m so happy she isn't shy). We had a blast talking about all sorts of topics from Battlestar Galactica to which one of these guys was the 'sporty' one in the relationship. By now, Sara should have a picture sent to her by email.

Since you know me by now, you wouldn't be surprised if I told you how bad I wanted to stand up and embarrass myself. One of the guys in back wore a yellow Robin (of Batman) t-shirt while I wore the grey Batman one with the large symbol on the chest. What I wanted to do was stand up and shout out, "Hey, Robin! It's me, Batman!" and then tear open my DKNY hoodie to proudly display the symbol for him. Needless to say, Sara thought I was being an idiot but she's pretty sure Christopher Rice would have laughed about all that.

Ever driven to Chicago? Very, very scary. When you hit the toll road, good luck. It's 7 lanes to drive around various loops with other cars going quite fast. The speed limit is 55 but I saw people going at least 80-90. At times, one car would come dangerously close to hitting me as I got so tense from all this excitement. I've heard that the worst expressways are in New York and Los Angeles. Chicago's pretty bad.

The quote above was about how I got when given the news that I would be driving Sara and I to Chicago. I had never done this and remember how freaked out I got when I sat in a car with people that have done it. It's scary. Once you pay your $3 toll on Skyway, you better pray for you start out on a large path with no lane signs as people come out with you. Stake your path or you're fucked. Around a few loops, go underneath an overpass, pay attention to the signs even though you must also be aware of the 6 lanes around you, and try not to freak the fuck out. I'm amazed at how there are people that can do this so easily. Merging into 7 lanes is also tricky because you just cannot stop no matter how close the cars are going to get.

The weird thing is that leaving Chicago is easy. Really. Sure, there are a lot of people going with you just as when you came. It's just that there's less and you only have to go one way, straight (unless you are going to stay in Illinois or exiting into Chicago). Plus, the early evening was nice as various places would light up. Sara was kind of funny because she kept telling me to speed up. I was 5 miles over the speed limit but I used the school bus in front of me for comfort until I felt ready to hit the gas and move into the dangerous lanes (the ones further left). My adrenaline was really kicking in and, yes, Sara saw that when we ate. A tense Ultrarooster is a very weird person to eat with.

Good luck to all those that want to drive through Chicago's tollway roads.

What I will not forget is best summed up by the Barnes & Noble that the author appeared at. It was 2 floors so huge that any freak for books would need a couple days to recover from this orgasmic bliss. To give you an idea, the art/photography section was 4 times what ours is. 4 times! You may not be able to get lost here but it's so beautiful that I could find myself in this Barnes everyday. Even the people were so freakishly nice.

So, what did we do for fun while waiting for Christopher Rice's 3pm appearance? The Barnes we went to was located in a very upscale mall. My preference was to shop at Armani while Sara used her gift cards at Banana Republic. I'm in love with Armani's style so it was a must while Sara freaked over the prices. $101 well spent and I plan to go back for the red long-sleeve knits that I wish I had gotten.

It felt weird to be walking around such an amazing upscale mall. The people dressed so nice thanks to such wealth even I'm not used to seeing. We're talking Paris Hiltons because girl after girl walked into Armani and Banana Republic wearing clothes that others would have to wait a month to afford. The Tiffany's had an armed well-dressed guard watching over everyone. Swatch had hundreds of watches for your tastes if you could handle the $155 price tag (I was so close to getting one but.....Armani called). Bloomingdale's had large leather seats and tea for those waiting on someone modeling clothes for them. Lacoste is just too preppy for my taste so I avoided it easily. My dad said this area was a 'small shopping center.' If you consider it that way, what do you call ours? Bloomingdale's, Macy's, Lord & Taylor, Armani, Banana Republic, and so on is bit beyond 'small.'

The only thing I hate about Armani is that Guidos (Gwee-Does) have adopted it as their own for clothing. A 'Guido' is someone more likely to be an over-tanned Italian with so much hairspray holding his hair up. These are most likely found in Miami nightclubs or New Jersey's. You can't miss them with their humongous egos. Summer have you seen these types?

So, I bid you an adieu here. It's been another long day at work as I look forward to this weekend being nothing but relaxing. I'm very happy that I was able to conquer a fear and take Sara to meet someone she loves to read. She can't drive on the interstate thanks to epilepsy. 2.5 hours to and 2.6 hours back. I just want some sleep even though I do miss Chicago and how impressive people can dress. Happy twats all around.