Bone Humper

"If you hump it, you have to sleep with it."

-Me (explaining the rules for little dogs that enjoy fucking their squeaky toys)

Sara thought that was funny. The little dog we are taking care of takes his squeaky toy, a bone, behind the couch and fucks the hell out of it. Total privacy. He doesn't do this out in the open so it's funny to me. What the little dog will do next is take it up to the top of the couch and sleep on it.

So, you can tell right away I've allowed another small dog to bond with me. That's pretty much all Sara and I have done this week, take care of a little dog and throw a small party for our friends. You know you're growing up when the guests bring wine instead of a large amount of porn or video games. I still vote for video games as long as they are along the lines of Super Mario Kart, which came out on the Nintendo Wii. Total. Fucking. Fun.

Taking care of someone else's pet is interesting. You'll begin to pick up on its habits and little freakish qualities. This little dog, Bone Humper, has become my little buddy. After many walks, enjoying TV on the large couch, imitating growls as I play tug on his chew toys, and treats, we can say that he and I have bonded. There was a small amount of apprehension at first but that left very fast. What was once a sleep at my feet has become curl up at my side as a good description of how things have gotten.

Not everything went right. When Sara and I first arrived, the key given to us didn't work. This freaked me out. The owners were gone on a cruise while we cannot get into the house for many hours. A call was made that finally got through. Why couldn't they have given us the garage door code!?! Things would have been so much smoother, dammit! It's now at a point where Sara has the garage door opener and I have the code memorized. Though shalt always check to see if the spare key made actually works.

Bone Humper is most likely taking naps on my hoodie I left behind for him. I noticed that while I was watching TV, he's curl up on it. Yeah, DKNY does make some nice grey hoodies so the little guy gets points for nice taste. What cracks me up is how he takes the time to wake Sara and I up with squeaky toys. If the two of us aren't up on time, he'll take off to his toy box and bring something to wake us up with. Bone Humper enjoys his walks and he shall get them.

So, basically, I am in a large house where I love the bathroom. His and her sinks! Definitely a nice thing where Sara and I can be separate while we brush our teeth and talk. The hot tub is a nice jacuzzi to relax in but not quite enough room for both Sara and I. We tried but I have to place my feet on the sides and pretend I'm a nice gal looking for a good time in the GYNO's office. It's only on my side that one gets to enjoy the jets hitting various parts of my body. I'm sure a girl would rather be there since there is nothing romantic to seeing a man's balls fly all over the place while bubbles form all around.

By the way, there are no quick solutions to this gas price problem. Yes, they are high but I hate to see people gullible to Hillary Clinton and McCain's ridding of the gas tax.

Saturday night found me surrounded by a lot of lesbians as they sent a friend off to New York with a surprise party. A pity Sara and I had to leave early. The dog comes first, especially since it was that evening that we were able to get in the house. There was beer, mini hot dogs, chips, salsa, and various things. One girl had a slit up her jeans and didn't care if anyone saw her pink panties. You go, girl. It's only here that various girls' eyes will travel towards that particular spot after listening to a discussion on vagina dental issues, that theory that women have teeth in their pussies.

Note: See the movie, Teeth, for info on this. I've heard it's quite good and it comes out on DVD soon.

So, I really need to stop here. A part of me wants to watch a DVD after this long day where a surge shut down the company's computers. I've never been paid for doing nothing for 1 hour so that was interesting. A lot of people get paid to do nothing so why can't I enjoy the experience our government seems to enjoy so much? Sara hates the fact that she has to sleep alone with Bone Humper so I am expected to get my ass back there on Friday. More on that later. Happy twats all around.