I'm In Dread

"And it all comes down to this...."

-Me

So, I sit here wondering why I feel as if I have nothing to say. Not a damn thing. My mind is completely void of wanting to sit here and blurt out whatever insane/stupid/thoughtful thing I find myself wanting to share. Am I depressed? Lost? I've said it once so I'll just have to say it again. When things feel completely stagnant or you lose the muse of others making amazingly enchanting entries, there seems to be no point. Here I am talking to a dark wall with no hint of my own breath to show I'm breathing.

Is it that time that I dread? My birthday is awfully close along with my 1-year anniversary at work. Sticking to the same thing for more than 5 months is quite an accomplishment. Now if I can only shake my slight urge to do something different. I'm growing bored all while forcing myself to stay due to the little perks work gives me. I'm pathetic thanks to a scary economy.

There is no urge for sex. Zero. You, my female readers, could take down your panties and prance around me for no result but to admire your feminine features. I love to see the lovely pink parts but there is no unzipping of my shorts.

I don't like knowing my birthday is not too far off. It scares me to know I've lived longer than I once thought. Funny how it has me thinking about all those people that told me how lucky they are to have children while getting married young. Now they look haggard and out of it as various rolls of excess skin hang down their 'fat jeans.' That doesn't mean I feel any better about myself. Remember? I'm stagnant. Going nowhere or something like that. Going to inherit some serious cash but I want something more.

To find myself. But where do I begin?

Am I having an epiphany? Is it a sudden non-caring of all these materialistic possessions that once drove me? Did I obtain everything I once wanted? Was it all about the chase? Or am I just miserable because it feels like everyone else is miserable? Just how does someone have a life while juggling 3 jobs and the bank is about to foreclose on your home?

I'm also very worried about Sara. To lose her job at this time is very hard. One of her friends had to move back in with his parents. The break-in at the house might have scared him but it could be more, more as in financially. Who knows. I'd hate to see Sara forced into moving back in with her parents. Trust me. Her mom would drive her crazier than I could deal with. Yes, there are problems within this relationship but nothing too destructive that we can't work on. Relationships are work. If you say 'no,' I kill you. I kill you good.

So, I'm going to lay down and finish the movie about some lucky guy's finding out he shouldn't marry a controlling woman thanks to a magical list telling of all the girls he's fucked. Impressive. To have an email suddenly appear that tells you who it is that gets your dick inside them! What joy! Well, I did watch that new movie, The Ruins, which was pretty good if you have an interest in killer plants. There was the latest Batman movie that ties into what happens before he meets the joker in The Dark Knight. Bloody cartoons are cool. I'm going to be a total dork for wearing my tight grey Batman shirt with the huge symbol on the chest. Don't giggle. You'll hate it when I'm beating you senseless after you laughed at me. I really need to kiss Sara right now. Happy twats all around.