Mad Dog No Beer

"Weapons Of Mass Consumption."

-The slogan for the bus that I stopped to have a beer from

Nothing makes a walk better than an ice cold beer. Nothing. Okay, maybe a nice slow body soothing blowjob where my back is held softly by the softest bed and my penis is passed back and forth by women that know their ways around an AR-15 machine gun.

Actually, that took place today, the beer but not the blowjob. Lucky me to end my walk with 5-Pound Phooey only to find that a friend of mine working for a local channel is attending a luxurious meeting. My park was presented by some wealthy middle-aged men and women all holding various forms of alcohol. Ah, the smell of beer! I'm all sweaty, my dog is out of her damn mind wanting attention, and I am presented with a beer. There is a god and his name is Miller Chill. Am I the only one that sees the combination of a lime as being a stroke of genius?

What's hard to do when presented by a small crowd of spoiled middle-aged is getting my dog to leave. I'm pretty sure she wanted a sip or two of my Miller Chill after waiting on a bottle opener. Drinking near the park? Of course! Little dog watches as I down the hatch the bottle in less than 5 minutes. Damn tasty. Now if only I could get 5-Pound Phooey to stop craving attention so we can go home...........

The benefits of knowing people that can give you a free beer or discounts are endless. Just ask my friends at Borders and Barnes & Noble.

So, how are you? I'm realizing how much I miss Sara. One week here and it feels so quiet in this house without her. No one to help get up and give a tap in order to get her going. My mom certainly does. It's rare for her to find another female to chitter chatter with. Who knows what they said about me. As long as the naked bath tub pics of me when I was 4 do not get displayed.

Ah, the old days of having a small wiener at such a young age. Now, it's like I have to have a forklift to carry the kinds of balls I was blessed with.

Due to the overload of so many employees at work, I am being sent home early. Hooray or nay? It's kind of tough to say. While I love to be home earlier to rid myself of the excess sweat and grime, I kind of find myself deep into work and don't want to go home so soon. Sure, the first 5 minutes suck but then it's like an addiction. Muscles are warmed up. Mind is trying to figure out how to deal with the latest puzzle presented to me. Female co-worker won't stop flirting with me. It's daily. It's my life but it means less money to take off early. Also makes me realize how great air conditioning is.

Heard of a little movie called "Wanted?" Lovely. Sara and I saw it 2 times because it's that fucking good. Went on Friday and dragged our friends to see it the next day. Friends didn't like it but Sara and I giggled at all the cool scenes we had now memorized. Wanted kind of asks you if you are really living your life. That woman that harasses Wesley reminds me of how bad it can get when you have an upper-level person to report to that is, in best terms, a complete fucking pisser. Funny how this person was shown as a donut eating fatass type I normally see in Wal-Marts everywhere. I'm always dying to ask them if they realize how pathetic they look to carry so much extra weight.

Plus, Wanted is Angelina Jolie with guns. You just cannot go wrong with that combination. Period.

My mom's jaw dropped when I told her the amount I spent for Sara's birthday dinner. It was so worth it because I got schooled on how to eat pasta with a fork and spoon. If it's not dishwashing liquid in the bath, it's how to collect stringy noodles with a fork. I guess a small part of me is white trash but educated.

So, I must heal after only now getting time to spend in the gym. My biceps are swollen while my chest will hit that mark tomorrow. It's called time-delayed muscle soreness. I love it because it tells me I hit the right areas. The honor of seeing someone copy my unique workout tickled my mind. Yes, I do something weird to the point that Sara's dad watched me as well. The man hounded me for why/how I turn 2 dumbbells up to do deep push-ups that would look like I am stretching open my chest. Tis not for the faint of heart. Very painful if not done right or as a first time but these kinds of push-ups work the chest like no other. It's no wonder it gets stared at all while I am trying to shrink the muscle a little bit yet keep it extremely strong.

It's fun to see the reactions of people when I work out with them. Sara's dad and I went through a session together. It killed time for me since I had a lot of frustrations to rid myself of. The extra adrenaline flow of people that look amazed kept me going even longer. The reward? Sara's dad put almost 2 pounds of salmon on the grill. Almost a pound of it was in my belly that night. I will work you in any gym.

Alas, I must be off. Should I discuss the porn I've come across from satellite? It's tempting. Apparently, there are great benefits of threesomes. When the penis slides out during heavy thrusting, it's so sweet to have another woman there to help put it back in immediately. A reward? Oh, a good ol' fashioned licking in all directions. It doesn't help if he's so bad that she thinks it's her own dog licking her swollen strawberry. Happy twats all around.