Ass-Cuse Me, Miss

"I think every male out there worries about whether they are becoming their fathers. While many find this endearing, the human being tends to open its mind more towards the negative. Oh, how I would love to work on the satellite dish after working, the gym, and a walk with an irritable dog!"

-Me

Weeds. Love it. Who knew that Showtime could take the story of a recently widowed mom, have her learn to sell weed, and commit herself to many oddball people. Doug is da man! The first thing we worry when being forced to become caretakers of an accident victim is whether we have to help them poop.

Thanks to the power of satellite, I once again get to watch pay cable. Hooray. Actually, I would be jumping up and down but I'm just too tired from the fact that I enjoy being outside. TV is nice. TV about Nancy the pot dealing mom is even better. I'll admit that it was weird watching TV where swear words were bleeped out or not said at all. Showtime for 1 hour brought me back into a blessed state of 'shits' and 'fucks' like I can go home again.

I don't know what it is about this time of year. Summer blahs? Suddenly having the weather so nice can get boring. The heat hasn't been bad since the whole week is pretty much 78 degrees. Gas prices continue to piss off or cause very little traffic. Maybe summer is nice after all. My dog and I can cross the street more easily and the exhaust fumes no longer cause me to gag. You go, gas prices!

Watch me complain when I have to drive to Indiana, though. Just wait for it.........

Old people surprise me, too. If you consider 53 to be old, I've got a chubby buddy from my gym that would love to prove his manhood to you. Well, according to him he's getting laid, even after turning 53 yesterday. Richard's still rocking the world of some nice lady that beats his ex-wife, the one that's a drunk and shits without flushing. I guess just about anything will do as an upgrade in the dating department for him.

Richard makes me so glad I don't have to worry about losing my hair. Thousands of those fuckers adorn my head, even if there are a few that are greying. Sara enjoys pointing these out or pulling them out. When around her, my ass and head are going to either smooth or facing a couple patches.

USA Network's Burn Notice was so good! I've found a new TV show to get excited about, people. Filmed in Miami, I worried that I'll get tired of the pastel buildings that I was so used to seeing in Miami Vice. But the snarky spy pulled me in, dammit. Basically, Burn Notice is about a CIA spy that is suddenly given a 'burn notice,' neither fired nor allowed to use what was normally given to him for help in nailing people. It's just him, some tools, and an ex-girlfriend played by the lovely Gabrielle Anwar. What a woman. I laughed when she nearly killed the thug. Cried when the snarky spy figured out which portion of the building to shoot in order to rid it of the annoying drug dealer. Season 2 starts July 10th so start watching in order to prepare yourself for more delicious looking girls in barely-there bikinis as spies start shooting each other.

If only there was nudity and swearing...........can't really complain when the story is so good, though.

How am I? Work's been going by fast ever since I put it in my head to stop watching the clock like a hawk. I've decided to relax a bit more and enjoy my chats with everyone. Of course, I still avoid the guy that shits his pants on occasion but, then again, he has been good about not doing that lately. My deaf friend continues to teach me new signs in sign language. For instance, if you use the word 'ass,' you spell it out. A-S-S. There is no direct sign when you want to tell a deaf guy that a fine ass is about to pass by. There are 2 daring girls sharing the work in the trenches. That would be why there are a few perfume bottles for after work. Girls don't stink. They glow.

Not really. Sometimes, girls smell like sweat and ass after a fart gone wrong.

Wonder if Sara is going to bring up Bald-O's weakness. Remember that? A while back while drunk, Bald-O admitted that he's always wanted to stick his finger up a girl's butt. Me being drunk and rude, got him worried by making him wonder if he was gay. I know, I know. I don't get the whole wanting to stick a finger in a girl's ass need but that's him. My only explanation is that when going through a long sexual drought, the mind gets even dirtier. Suddenly, you think about playing with various parts you didn't consider before, like assplay. Sara is completely fine with talking about something like this so I'd love to see if Bald-O's face goes dark red.

So, I'm gonna leaveth you here as I take off for my second Burn Notice episode. I'm a bit burned out and can't wait for the weekend. Sleep. My change in today's workout wore me the fuck out. Walked in all hyper because I was curious as to what I could handle. Handled a lot. Come home to find I had to help with the satellite dish after walking 5-Pound Phooey. Sometimes I really wonder when I will ever feel relaxed. Happy twats all around.