For You, George

"If it's not the smell of someone's butt that offends your nose, it's the worry that the person behind you at the gym's water fountain is going to think it's yo' ass that needs more wiping. Gawd, I hate having a sensitive nose sometimes."

-Me

Right now, my life is pretty much shit. Literally. My little dog, 5-Pound Phooey, decided that, before we continue on our walk, I need to shake the dingle-berry stuck to her ass. All walks consist of the following things, the big dark eyes that insist on a hug or that sinister appearance that says it all when she just cannot shake the shit off her ass. All dog owners know that the word 'turd' is used at least once a week.

Look, I'll be honest. I'm very scatterbrained here. It seems that ever since I've discovered the two things dominating my life, USA Network's amazing Burn Notice and the fact that I have the Playboy Channel, I now watch a little bit of TV. This is so unlike me. My parents and friends installed it in me that I should be out and about, not a zombie sitting there watching TV. In a small sense, KISS's Gene Simmons said it best.

"Why would I watch porn? I'd rather be doing it."

Good point. But this isn't all about porn, spies, or naked women. It's about expanding your mind and getting outside to make yourself feel good. The sun tends to do that by giving you vitamins that might make you sweat a bit. Lounging in a nice leather chair only makes you look like a homeless guy, possibly dressed a little bit better.

The Playboy Channel is so fascinating to me. I'm a virgin to it so bear with me. Yes, there are naked people but it's all done in such a tasteful way that I cannot explain to you. Oh, I'll hoot and holler. I might even show a little disgust at how Hefner's girlfriend seem to get a bit too much camera time. It's just that I've always found nudity to be fun if all participants want it. Everyone really does give me the feeling that they are having a good time and not dreaming of just a paycheck. The thing is that Sara would not turn the channel off if she ever got Playboy. I'm serious. The types of reality shows would have her addicted even more than that stupid Tila Tequila show she loves. Ugh. Am I the only one that thinks she looks like a little lost alien?

Yes, I am still working on my chest differently. That is going great. Since people seem to watch me a bit, I wouldn't be surprised if a few take up my new routine. 'Tis not for the faint of heart. Doing a push-up between 2 overturned dumbbells is very tough. The next day's soreness will do you in if the attempt didn't wear you out.

One of the best way's to help get work over with quicker is to have fun. Nothing like using the humidity to describe a co-worker's BO just to get him going. Fan it out in my direction all you want. That's not as bad as the guy down to the left that reeks of ass.

So, I leaveth you here on a sad day. George Carlin died and, although I didn't listen to him as much as my dad did, I did get his act. To censor is stupid. While I agree with trying to keep kids as young and innocent for a time period, adults need a place. We cuss. We fuck. We realize some things are childish but to censor others is a total destruction of one of our great freedoms, the freedom of speech. While at work today, I thought back to one of my classes that was based on the freedom of the press. The professor had 2 people at a time teach a chapter while he sat back to watch how we handled things. I forgot what one I had but the irony didn't escape me how one girl raised hell over the fact that I brought an issue of Playboy that had exactly what I needed. While most of the class enjoyed things, it didn't escape me how there is always one person that will always try to keep you from having fun. No, I didn't show the centerfold. No, I didn't bring out any naked pictures. All I did was show the cover and read the quote I had underlined. I'll miss anyone that tried to keep truth alive. Happy twats all around.