Watch How Fat People Roll

"I'm excited about Batman!"

-Me

Quotes like the one above get you noticed, noticed in a way that people wonder if you are retarded. It's a chosen profession, really. To be mildly retarded and proud is not easy for us easily excited pathetic white boys that enjoy Batman, girls with guns, and using sign language with a little too much expression.

By the way, I'm not joking. The two guys I said that to in the gym laughed their asses off. I mean, I totally get it. Someone just blurts out how crazy he/she is for something completely ridiculous like a superhero. But that is me. I love Batman and, yes, I cannot wait til The Dark Knight hits theaters in July. My grey tight t-shirt with the Batman emblem on the chest will be worn. By then, these muscles will still be bulging and ready to do away with evil-doers wherever they are.

Unlike a lot of comic book geeks, I do not have the lard hanging over my Underoos, a large amount of zits, and have seen many vaginas that didn't cost me a dime.

Isn't it great when someone has an obvious crush on you? Oh, I'm sorry but I tend to travel back to being 13 so I'll just say it your way. Someone wants to fuck me. Is that better?

Remember that brown girl that flashed me her vag thanks to very short shorts and no panties? Well, she was in the gym tonight and constantly on the lookout for me. It had to happen, of course, the talking. Same age as my girlfriend, Sara. A bit of a pessimist towards the gym we both inhabit thanks to the management forcing the fun people away. It wasn't til I saw her staring at me as I left that I realized how far I've come to being considered fuckable for a brown girl. These are the types of girls that set their standards so high.

Frat boys either fear them or copy answers off them.

Sara seems to love this, knowing someone wants little old me. Blue eyes get you anywhere but it's the goofiness that keeps you there. Ask anyone. Ask any real guy willing to talk about anything and he'll tell you how easy it is to talk to girls.

The other thing that made my day was seeing one of my old high school's stuck up snobs. Fat as a goddamn truck. I mean, big ass o' lard that you'd swear spends all her day at KFC licking the grease off the floor as an appetizer. I had to laugh as the poor trainer set her through dull motions because the blob was just too big as it waddled to and fro.

It might sound mean for me to make fun of this girl. I don't care because she was a total stuck up snob in my school, thinking herself so great while hanging with another set of snobs. What did I do wrong? I was popular, knew many cheerleaders, jocks, nerds, dorks, dweebs, losers, stoners, madrigals, and so on. This giant blond blob didn't see anything in me when sitting next to me during Algebra. Hell, how did a slightly chunky girl like this become so powerful?

Sometimes, you wait for that one chance just to make someone cry. Except, I didn't get it this time. The blob didn't see me so her coming up to me to say hi didn't happen. Oh, I was dying to say......"Hi, Jenny, my oh my, do the people at the buffet cower in fear when you walk in?" How the hell does a girl let herself get like that anyway? I've got this feeling that her husband has had enough of the fact that while her tits have gotten to be more than a handful, there is just no good reason for her to weigh more than his pickup truck.

Yeah, as you can see, my life, if we can call it that, has resorted to being a bit vindictive towards those that you can roll down a hill. No matter how long high school was, some of us still seek out that dark side of our brains that remembers various hard points. Loved high school. Hated a few people. Wouldn't be a bad thing to me if........oh, hell. A lot of people just sucked at times.

Life is a little strange for me because I have this feeling that those words will come up that I dread to say. .""But I have a girlfriend..." A weird fact is that I made a girl cry when I said that 2 years ago. I'm friendly and have a tendency to blurt out retarded statements. Obviously, I have a bit of anger at fat people.

So, I am going to head on back upstairs. Playboy Channel? Still lovin' the reality shows shown during the day. I'm pretty sure Sara wants to watch several hours to see what she's been missing. Another good thing is seeing old Playmates because there were some bushes back then. Wish we'd bring back that kind of grooming even if sometimes a few hairs end up in the mouth. Pussy eater and proud. Happy twats all around.