"Your mom can tell you that you are beautiful but you and I both know that it's possible you're swinging from the Ugly Tree."
-Me
-Me
It's Sunday and, for me, that means cleaning up the excessive sweat that continues to pour down my face everyday. Sara would be especially proud to know that I pulled out quite a few asshole hairs while watching Gene Simmons's Family Jewels on A&E. Love that show. Hated realizing I've got a lot of hairs around the ol' brown eye.
Laugh all you want. You and I both know that much of the cleaning up you do around your body is for your mate. Sara enjoys popping the occasional zit that appears on my back or face, especially right before a shower together. We're apes, dammit! Enjoy sitting in front of each other and eating various bugs walking up and down your neck and breasts. See an ant? Gulp it down fast because those fuckers are sour, yo.
Actually, we do not eat bugs off each other. I don't recommend it but only use that as an example as to how far we go in pleasing our mates. Grooming is nice and feels so fucking good when the day has ended. I can sit here at the computer and say to myself, "There are 26 less hairs around my asshole. I smell so fucking good that you'd say my ass is as fine as the Queen's rose garden. No more armpit hairs and 125 less ball hairs. Face stubble is down to nil. My hair? Fucking all over the place just as before. High-five!" Yes, I love my life and will continue to make fun of myself because there is nothing better than a boy with less hairs on his ass. It must suck to be over 35 because I bet the wives have never seen a smooth hiney on their husbands. Ever.
This R. Kelly trial bothers me in a different way than others. While I am very much against child porn, I don't understand why people act like it's this new thing or epidemic that's suddenly causing older males to seek out young girls. Oh, have you seen Myspace? Facebook? Anything where a teenage girl and a camera become one? Thongs for 10-year-olds? You bet! 8-year-olds that go for bikini waxes? L.A. has 'em at a time I would have been freaked out at even a movie poster's actors seeing my penis. Girls, when given cameras, need to be watched very carefully.
Do you want to know why your little girls are whores? Let's go further by taking you to the toy store where their heroes are more into labels rather than reading. Paris Hilton is considered a hero for doing nothing. Trashy mags celebrate celebrities that get drunk and pee in public afterwards. The 50's had classy actors and actresses that dressed well before entering a major restaurant. We have Tara Reid not realizing her recently redone tit pop out. Sensitivity in the nipples doesn't happen for a few weeks, yo.
That's just my way of saying that the world is dumb. People don't realize that kids will do anything for attention because shows are all about that, attention and celebrating stupidity. Look, Joey threw up! Let's devote 3 shows to that and then devote a couple to the woman that poop'd on Flava Flav's stairs. At least, Family Jewels shows how an ego-driven former rock star can create some amusingly observant kids.
Oh, don't mind me. I'm just slightly grumpy. Sara's banned me from her apartment this weekend because her messy roommate comes back from Italy on Saturday night. I can understand Friday but I rarely get that much time with her anyway. For instance, how would she feel if I went to Bald-O's on her birthday weekend. It's his annual July 4th bash and I haven't seen him for a long, long time. Sara and her roommate have the week and more. Might bring this up with her because it kind of bugs me to be slighted like that. I'm all for Girls' Night but I'm rarely able to be there so it's like Girls' Night for weeks.
What else have I done? Let's see here...............
Picked up fitness tips for Sara. One of my friends in the gym is an older woman with an amazing body, not too muscular yet feminine in all the right places. 40something woman with 3 kids that drives even the younger guys in my gym nuts means things are going well. Wouldn't that be a gig? 50something and the girls love my manly chest while their husbands need some 'support?'
Talked to a girl that rollerblades in the park 5-Pound Phooey and I walk through. I've seen her around almost everyday now. Shy at first until you say hi. 5-Pound Phooey's pretty much wiped out while I talk about what a lovely dog she is. While many of her farts are silent, they're still deadly during the summer. The rollerblade girl tried to talk to me yesterday but I was in my grumpy mood mode.
How come my newest issue of Playboy has not come?
If you go to Youtube and type in something about the Nintendo's Wii Fit, there are a lot of half-naked girls using it. Wow! My favorite is Playboy's Jo Garcia. That woman has a body that makes me forget about my lust for M&M's. I don't know if I would be able to control myself if given access to the nude Wii Fit segments. A woman with a gorgeously contained pussy bending over for yoga is a dream come true. Others are more about guys showing off how great their girlfriends look while their fat asses sit on the couch. I'm tempted to get a Wii Fit because there's a running segment where you race characters. I hate running but I am very competitive when it comes to video games and, while I don't have much fat on this body, various people have lost 30-50 pounds. Me? I just want the cardio.
So, I must be off to view more on this Jo Garcia gal. Even the selection of cute little panties as she bends over tingle my fashion sense. No old wrinkly college shorts for this girl. We be Wii'ing in style to drive boys crazy over realizing that they need to stop looking at underage girls hinting at more to come and work out. If that doesn't do it, nothing will. Happy twats all around.
3 comments:
Note to self: Don't read your entries while eating breakfast...or any meal.
I think the reason the "child porn" thing has only gained media attention recently is because of the Internet. Before Myspace, etc., it was much easier to hide the more taboo parts of people's lives, but now the whole world can see it. And for the record, I'm more likely to blame the parents for such behavior in their children, not the celebrities.
Nice to see your delayed jump onto the YooToob bandwagon.
First off let me tell you that the older you get, the less hair you have. After working in nursing homes for years, I have seen many bald balls and pussies. You also go gray down there before it falls out.
As for fitness tips, I would like to have some. My ass is a size 4, but I have the jell0 jiggle around my waste which creates the mommy muffin top. I like to think my tits held up well, so I have this shit hanging in the middle.
I blame parents for little girls growing up the way they do, and clothing manufacturers. Who the hell puts their 4 year old in a pair of hot pants that have "sexy" written across the butt? And have you seen the Bratz dolls?
I haven't received my new issue of Playboy either....
Were you tweezing your asshole hairs?? And you counted them?? The whole things sounds extremely painful. I shave down that far south occasionally, but not often. I barely shave regularly. I'm too lazy.
On to R. Kelley. Do I think that R. Kelley is gross....yes. He likes to pee on women and exploit women for his own enjoyment and for the enjoyment of his friends. Do I think he's a pefophile. Not really. I think he's so horny that he doesn't bother to use common sense when taking women back to his bathroom. Also, those girls, those 15-16 year olds, were in a 21+ clubs, looking like skanky 35 year olds and throwing themselves at celebrities. Why is no one prosecuting the secuitry and club owners who let them in? Why is no one prosecuting their parents for allowing them to act and dress like hoochies at that age? Don't for one second think that I agree with Kelly or am defending him, but I think often times in this country, people fail to put blame where it belongs, especially when celebrities are involved.
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