Drunk Wal-Mart Runs

"Well, a big 'DUH' to you, too!"

-Me (on Clay Aiken's admittance to being gay)

Call me old-fashioned but if something quacks like a duck it is a duck, dammit. There is no hiding behind some of the most insane lies ever made up. While I may not have the most prestigious gaydar on the planet (Yes, I was one of the last 2 people on this planet that thought George Michael was straight til, like, 1995 or so), Clay Aiken's coming out just screams of a chance to cash in somehow. It's been a while since he's made any real money. Those that hide for so long need money at some point when no one seems to notice them anymore. Remember Lance Bass of NSYNC? Attempt to put some form of literature out in hopes that you'll be remembered.

Yes, there are some days that I absolutely hate my life but, so far, I have yet to feel the need for a tell-all book. How far along til I admit that, yes, I once thought girls didn't poop. It stayed with me til I had to walk into the bathroom after a lovely girl that lived at the house we were staying at in Florida left the room with the most foul smelling stench I had ever come across. I still want that t-shirt with the slogan, "Girls Don't Poop."

Found my Halloween costume. My possibles were being Tyler Durden of Fight Club or David of The Lost Boys. For the latter, I'd dye my hair blonde, add fangs, wear a long coat, pierce my ear, and try to look menacing instead of my old goofy self. Fight Club would have been interesting because Sara says I've got the body for it all while always wearing the kind of pants Tyler would. Yes, this is the Brad Pitt character that breathes a sense of honesty on how fucked up our lives are and they are ticking away so fast over our obsessions to own more stuff. Tyler wouldn't be too hard since I can easily make my hair that rumpled spikey look easily. Just add bruises and that nappy bathrobe that Sara finds amusing. I'm pretty sure it had a flower pot on the chest. I'm not sure if I'd be totally comfortable in a bathrobe all night at the house party being planned.

As for what I want, I can't give it away.......yet. I'm totally for clues, though, so here goes. It's a gi from an 80's movie, all black, sleeveless, says "Johnny" on the side, and just so happens to be one of the costumes I talked about over and over with when I lived in college with a roommate also obsessed with it. Oh, and I have to dye my hair blonde, too. Enough clues? Remember it's the moment of truth and it's all on the line.

If you figure this out, I will send you a DVD, Brotherhood Of the Wolf, a French movie obsessed with the possibility of a large wolf ravaging the area and martial arts. The lovely actress Monica Belucci bares her famous breasts all while being a spy for the Pope. I've got other DVDs......

So, the weekend? Tiring. Absolutely tiring. Sara and I are always busy thanks to dinners, get-togethers with friends, and this weekend brought about a lot of planning for the art thingee. There was no sex. I felt lucky enough to have 4 beers during our Beer Trek night. Then again, those beers might have cost me my sanity because I was then in Wal-Mart late at night buying GIJoes with an annoyed Sara next to me. I love Storm Shadow, okay. My favorite characters are silent but deadly.

Girls just have to accept it that boys will always like their toys.

I've already explained the cat issue. I'm not kidding about how annoying was to be pounced on as it raced to the window. The worst part is when my skin is cut open by a claw or two because it will itch terribly due to allergies. Itchy feet or legs do not make sleeping easy, especially when the girlfriend is snoring loudly next to my left ear.

Oh, and, yes, girls fart in their sleep. Not going to name any names here.......

So, hit the road, jack. I'm gonna stop here. I've got a bunch of graphic novels to read, Wolverine and various others. It's nice to see that there are some adult types that tell it like it is. We fuck, suck, and sometimes drink too much. Sometimes, we guys like to stick our fingers in girls' asses just to get rid of that insane fantasy of wanting to know what's up there. Would you believe a girl writes about that? Happy twats all around.