Me Riding In Garbage Truck

"Keep asking questions about everything or it'll become a religion."

-Me

So, I'd like to take a moment to make a call to the bridge. The full report comes with soreness based in my shoulders, chest, triceps, back, and the bottoms of my feet. I'll be damned if 5-Pound Phooey's gonna chew me out for missing any sort of walk because I'm hurtin'.

Don't get me wrong. I love going for walks. It's just that with people being so busy (also known as "laziness," at times), there are moments where it is incredibly lonely. Every now and then, it is fun to find yourself with the park to myself but there are times I wonder why everyone seems so more in love with watching TV. I'll walk by various houses to find big screens on to a moronic sitcom like 2 And A Half Guys. C'mon, you've pretty much seen every Seinfield episode by now! Get out there and take the 4-legged friends for a walk and meet my tiny ball of fire, 5-Pound Phooey. She just loves to take major paw hits by Himalayan Persian cats but keeps coming back for more.

People talk about things in some sort of alien language I don't quite get. Lately, it's been about how brave Alan Greenspan is in criticizing George Bush in his new book. Please, he's like all the other fucking cowards. Wait til work is done and then unleash all hell on a moron written by a yes-man.

I'm not that afraid of confrontation. Hell, I love it! Gimme more! I'm for and against women getting their tits out in public to feed their kids. It's not the sight of 'em but at certain moments where I'm against such a thing. Restaurants? No, I'm eating. You call breastfeeding normal. Well, so is masturbating. Do you want me to do that in your soup? While we're at it, I'd really like to rest my penis in your pea soup. Breastfeeding in a library is fine. Do it in a toy store as well. Just, please, do not bring your titties out while my girlfriend is getting on my case that I, once again, moved all my veggies to the side of my plate but didn't avoid the lobster muffins.

Why do you need assault rifles that kill 30 squirrels in less than a second?

Why are you allowed to question me questioning religion? I think you've gone bat shit in thinking that Jeezus is the reason and, no, I don't give a fuck what he would do. Stop praying and start studying the country you want to bomb.

Jesse? Al? Help a brotha out, yo. Get your big black asses down to Florida and help OJ get back on his feet. It's amazing how this guy got away with murdering 2 people but just might go to prison for a 'sing operation' gone wrong. Sometimes, black people really do belong in prison, especially those that gang up on a white prick. Man, that's embarassing to think that it took that many to take down a white boy, though.

Oh, yeah. It should be 'Save Britney's kids' and not 'Save Britney.'

For those of you that think it is funny to laugh at how I take my shoes off when I do abs, I say lighten up a bit. I'm doing it right. My stomach is flat. Yours is......well, hanging out in a lot of places. Besides, I have sexy socks now. No more holes.

Blogging. Learn to do it right. Fat chicks, please keep your tops on. Breasts are not considered breasts if they are touching the floor while you are standing there. Your cunts generally look like two slices of bologna wedged up in your crotch. Oops, you say you lost a sandwich the other day! You don't say! As for typing, learn to spell and write complete sentences. It's like o.m.g. you are so making me r.o.f.l. when I come across your jpgs.

Enjoy porn as it was intended. Don't deny it when you find yourself checking out someone's crotch while being one of the 33% that would rather be on the 'Net than with a person. When I come across a big gaping wet vagina, I take a mental picture and enjoy the warm sensations it provides. I like naked chicks but I also like a lot of things in life. However, I'd rather be with the real thing. Fuck your girlfriend instead of banging your weiner on the Ikea table.

Gawd, I'm a mess. Sara's at a play so that's why I'm here at home for now. Last weekend was a lot of work for her at cleaning up the apartment. The room's been done but the bathroom needed some tweaking, major tweaking. Time spent with me would be just a smidgen so I'm fine with being here all by my lonesome. Well, just me and the goddamn Nintendo Wii that is begging me to make it my bitch. Bowling's the game and bowling it shall be. Tomorrow, if I'm feeling up to it, I'll list the Top 10 reasons to love sex. Blame it on the movie, Immortal Beloved. Who knew Ludwig Beethoven was so damn good at making me feel randy. Happy twats all around.