Saturday, May 12, 2007

Curl Up With A Cold One

"Big balls in Cow Town"

-Bald-O's home as we call it

I've gone AWOL from just about all of my college friends. While Bald-O is someone I find a lot of enjoyment with keeping in touch, the others just annoy me each time I think about them. Yeah, we had some good times and all that. It's just that sometimes we realize a lot more when there is more sobriety at the helm.

So, I'll be heading out to Cow Town to see Bald-O possibly this weekend. It's inevitable since boys, as much as they hate to admit it, miss each other. There are no tears of joy as another man pulls up into the driveway. It's more like, 'Hey, man! Throw me a beer! You gettin' any pussy?" The more south you go, the more likely you will be drunk and have spent some time pissin' on a tool shed.

The only thing I hate is that it's 2 hours and 45 minutes of driving. All of it is straight down one solid route. You'll see a hell of a lot of farmland, tractors, semis, and satellite dishes. Trust me. If you've got a trailer for a house, you're gonna need a dish if you want to get the WE Channel for your nagging wife that has a hard time dealing with your watching ball games while the children are getting into the tobacco stash you think is well hidden.

Note: The more south you go, the more women dip and spit. I'm not too familiar with many women going the whole swallowing route when it comes to you-know-what.

Spent today going on more walks with 5-Pound Phooey than I'm used to. 4 in all that are having me inch my way back to running on a treadmill. 5-Pound Phooey is more into walking rather than running. Since I need my cardio to help with my heart issues, I need something that's a bit faster than 4 tiny legs that stop suddenly to smell a dandelion or the latest pile of shit. Have you ever had to brake so suddenly or else you'll end up tripping on a leash? That's what I have to deal with every now and then.

5-Pound Phooey's got a rep. Her crush, the white Scottie, now runs back into the house when he sees us coming up the sidewalk. If only there was some way for 5-Pound Phooey to talk about her problems or admit to liking someone instead of yelling at 'em.......

Some things I've found on the 'Net this week:

1). India has some folks that believe it's good luck to see what would happen with placing a 1-year-old on the mat with a cobra. Yes, it gets bitten and there is video of all this. I'm not a liker of kids but even I was sickened.

2). Love forums where teens debate on how big a girl's bootie has to be before hittin' it. The worst is how a girl would put up her picture only to have all these guys come out of nowhere asking for her phone number and email addy. Yes, there are a lot of virgins in sneaker forums.

3). In another forum, men were debating about women's periods. Gotta love this one because some were calling each other out on the fact that you have to accept tampons being in a man's apartment. Others discussed how great it is to get their 'red wings' (blood on the cock after fucking a girl during her period). And the post to end all posts? A picture of a woman with a speculum pulling her 'lady lips' apart to show her period just starting. If there was any way to turn me off from eating pussy, it was that picture. Way too graphic for my taste. Way to go at showing a cervix, though.

I'm still a little bit down but getting over it. Seeing Bald-O could help or even worsen things. As much as I hate to admit it, we're a bit different in that he's the drink/watch baseball/talk shit type o' guy. I'm more about reading/writing/arithmetic and complaining about seeing my superheroes being watered down in the movie theaters.

It'll be interesting to see what's happened to my best friend from college, though. Hopefully, he's dusted his dick off and found a nice warm place for it. How many years has it been since Bald-O's been laid? Long ago and it was what he called a 'fat chick' that turned into a 'she wasn't that fat.' Gotta love guys in how they try to protect their reputations, what little they have. The best part was when we ran into that 'fat chick' and Bald-O forced me not to say hi to her. Drunk and waking up next to what you did last night is no way to go but country boys know how to get home because all back roads lead to a familiar cow.

So, I'm outta here after reading a bit more of Kurt Vonnegut's 'Slaughter-House 5' and wondering just how long this loneliness on Blogspot will be. The one thing I miss is the feeling of a small squad of people that surround you to listen. Well, the real listeners seem to have followed me while those that insist on being entertained stayed behind for some reason. Maybe that's what I really wanted, people that listen and have something to say. You know what? I haven't talked dirty on this blog yet. Who wants to leave a 'wet spot?' Happy twats all around.

No comments: