Soggy Bottom Girl

"I wouldn't leave the toilet seat up if I was married to either one of those two."

-Announcer making a comment during 2 girls fighting on an MMA (mixed martial art) bout

Interesting moment, to show that women can put up a pretty decent fight when confronted about the old issue before us. Toilet seat. Up or down? Sara insists it be down at all times. She has even made this known by bringing me into the bathroom to demonstrate that that one time where she fell in was not as funny as I found it to be. Yes, it did happen where Sara didn't know the seat was up and I learned to be careful when I laugh. Girl with soggy bottom not happy.

I'm not sure why I get mesmerized at watching women fight. Showtime had the old match where it was the first time two women fought in an MMA bout. Just like with the guys, blood was flying out of various holes broken open by fists or kicks. It might not be sexy to see a woman with a black eye. It is sexy when she's as gorgeous as the woman I watched so amusingly, Gina Carano. Hot, in shape, and with nice abs but why all this padding in the breast area?

Jessica Alba is pregnant. Pass it on. The prude has verified that she not only has herpes and cannot act but has been having sex before marriage. The shame!

I'd like to tell you of an announcement I forgot about the past few days. Believe it or not, this is a very big deal to Sara and I. We're the type of couple that are very hard-pressed to undo our old habits or to allow others to be around us for awfully long periods of time. I like my away time in the gym to lose myself in that natural high while testing my strength. Sara likes to paint and read or whatever super secret thing she does where half-naked pictures of herself end up on her camera.

I got a drawer! In the bathroom, Sara told me that I can have the bottom one to place my things, hair gunk, shampoo, glasses, contacts, and contact shit. Hooray! No more leaving all that stuff out on the counter and maybe I'll leave it there instead of hauling it all back and forth. You'd be surprised how annoying it gets to pack and re-pack over and over again. At least I'm not a girl hauling makeup, feminine napkins, and nail polish.

I love using "feminine napkins." Let's bring that word back into style where we already discuss so openly about vaginal odor issues and yeast infections.

Since the night was so nice, 5-Pound Phooey got a walk. Been a long time as you see her ears perk up all because I used her favorite words: "Go for a run?" Dogs love routine. Dog that hasn't been outside in a long while must check her p-mail messages left on trees for long periods of time. Why is that I feel 5-Pound Phooey sends the threatening type? I'm sure the transcript will always begin with:

"Fuck you, motherfucker......I'm gonna use my 3-inch legs to fuck you up and eat some cats like ALF....."

Much of my downtime from work has been spent reading the history of Friday the 13th. You'd be surprised at how much that movie has had all with its many sequels as well. A hardcover book was inevitable where just about everyone in the cast is interviewed about their experiences. Did you know Jason, the main killer in 2-4, 6 and up, was considered clever because anyone could be hired to play him? A stuntman was generally used and for scale instead of having to increase the pay in each sequel. Keeping Freddy fed was expensive but Jason worked for peanuts and was obviously pissed about it by taking it out on half-naked coeds.

Work has been really, really bad so I find myself smiling more and more when nice magazines like S come out. It's basically a bi-annual foreign one that I can only find in our local Borders store. If it's not bagged, you can't miss it. A completely naked woman is bent over all while exposing her cute pink pussy. You can't get better advertising than that.

I've enjoyed coming across S Magazine for the last 2 years. It's hard to get since not many guys have an issue with paying $20 for a very odd, sexy, and intelligent magazine. The paper it is printed on is incredibly nice as it would make the black and white nudes perfect for framing. Of course, you'll have to be living without the touch of a female since I'm not quite sure how a girl would feel with pictures of other ladies naughty bits being photographed up close. If they had a letters to the editor section, I'd swear there would be thousands saying they wish their noses could be on whatever flooring she sat on while naked.

Me, I just want to be Keira Knightley's bicycle seat for a couple years.

So, why do I cherish S Magazine a bit more than.....say....Penthouse? This is the kind I'd put out if I ever created one. It's not only women posing in various states of undress (many are also clothed for fashion) but there are men, too. Seriously! There are penises on display for women and gay males to ogle, not just flaccid but hard. Why not? I've always been about evening things out for both sexes even if it's not the kind of thing where women go and buy Playgirl. The men that pose aren't completely model-type and neither are the women. In college, I was friends with a girl that covered her whole dormroom with naked guys. I'm not kidding about how I stood there in awe while thousands of naked black males were all around me holding their dicks. My kind of woman is one that likes something and says it proudly.

The thing that always annoys me is how so many models posing nude barely smile. Just like how I loved seeing the Victoria's Secret girls walk the catwalk showing how happy they are, I love how so many in S Magazine crack open their mouths to show personality in their faces. It's a silly pose. The photographer has his camera right up front with your pussy as she holds her ass cheeks apart. How can you not laugh? There is more of an artsy feel than Playboy's usual girl posing in an expensive bed. How boring and typically blond. I may not be attracted to black women so easily but I'm curious about their pussies.

I need to go to bed. I know. I'm beginning to sound really weird after seeing a nice picture set of Helena Karel (sp?), a porn star with an amazing body. I'm not sure if she's Indian nor should I care. Helena is wearing nothing but Christmas stockings and a smile. So, after being laughed at by my manager as I told him how tired I was, I'm out of here. If you are posing for your boyfriend/husband for sexy Christmas pictures, remember to smile. It makes a huge difference as you should be happy to be naked. Happy twats all around.