Still Hate Fat Bloggers

"Things are going great
and they're only getting better.
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades."

-'The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades by Timbuk 3

Finally, I went out and did what I said I'd do. As much as it makes things easier for me, I'd rather a girlfriend that wishes for money as a Christmas gift actually finds something to unwrap. No, I'm not talking about a condom and that little smile she has when placing it on me. All girls want to have that moment where someone got them something, preferably wrapped and in a small box. Since I can't take the chance at Sara reading this (she does not visit here), I'll just say that it is nice and big. Guys that give saws and floormats as Christmas gifts deserve to be shot.

While reading Slash's biography, I realize that I'm a little like Axl Rose, possible chance of flying into some kind of ridiculous rant or anger over things other people find trivial. All I will tell you is that I cannot stand how fat chicks think their massive lop-sided tits as something to makes us all behold in their power to fit into toaster slots. Breasts fill cups so hence the 'cup-size' measurement fitting. There is one woman I used to read that spent so much time telling everyone how great her boobs were. All I could do was shrug and wonder why someone like this feels no shame. Beautiful breasts/tits/boobs/knockers do not look like basset hound ears or pancakes with a small cherry.


But really, I am doing just fine as the line from Timbuk 3 states. Today, I found myself thrilled with a little dog I normally despise. Along with schnauzers, I have never been a fan of chihuahuas, that small dog that Paris Hilton was known for carrying around. They've always shown a lot of nervous energy or much too territorial for my tastes.

My haircut was spent with a little 4-month old chihuahua sitting on my chest. It was love. As I got my hair washed prior to the haircut, this little dog took in all the chest rubbing I could give it. Of course, that did mean time outs where I was given little licks on the face as a reward from it. This little thing was so tiny and so much more friendly than any chihuahua I've ever met. I have made my peace with the little dog and will bring along 5-Pound Phooey to meet it. It'll be 2 bitches and they're will be 99 problems.

Along with falling in love with a teeny weeny wittle doggie, my continuation as to why I love Rob Zombie keeps happening. I love horror movies and find him to be one of the best directors when it comes to this type of thing. First there was House Of 1,000 Corpses, nice but had a few faults all while introducing us to the Firefly Clan. Then, there's Rob's sequel to this, The Devil's Rejects, something that is hard to watch as one friend of mine walked out of the theater. Now, it's Halloween, Rob Zombie's version.

Rob Zombie's Halloween is so fucking fantastic that I think I love it even more than the original. That's saying a lot since it really is a classic, straight to the point horror movie by Jon Carpenter (I first saw it in college). Here, you have the first hour being all about why Michael Myers became the boogeyman or 'Shape' as they nicknamed him, too. This was not found in the original because that was more about how he got out of the psycho ward and went after his relatives to help erase his family. Here, Rob's Halloween shows how but also begs you to question whether a person's possible evil can begin at the age of 10.

But horror? It's been a lost cause for years. Halloween did it beautifully because there were no cheap scares. Michael is big, bad, and he wants you out of the fucking way. Rob gets it and I cannot believe how there was a huge amount of people that didn't like it like this. People keep writing into horror mags about how the horror film is lost. Rob gives it to them and it's still a problem!?! People are just as jaded as fatass tit bloggers. We're given time with boogeyman in knowing how it came to be instead of just being some sort of simplistic scary story. No, it's tense when Michael chases Laurie in his old house. No fucking surrender. The girl is fucked and she knows it.

My only problem is that Rob Zombie uses the same people over and over. You'll notice Sid Haig from everything along with his wife. It's not bad but just a bit too weird seeing the same people over and over. The guy playing Michael as an adult is 6'8' so he's a big mo'fo' fo' sho'.

I have the hardest time seeing rape scenes. Halloween's got one but at least it's not as bad as his previous movies. In his defense, it sets up a major moment where things are now fucked for everyone.

It's funny how I am forced to watch horror movies here. Sara hates them. It's just me in the dark with 2 lava lamps glowing as werewolves, Jason, Freddy, Michael, vampires, and the Firefly Clan raise hell. I'm very rarely scared. Dog Soldiers still freaks me out to this day because 8-foot werewolves surrounding a farmhouse can only mean certain death. Halloween had that nice little chase scene in Michael's house that was a little tense at times. Way to go at bringing back horror, Rob! Whoo!

So, I'm guessing this is a good time as any to get the fuck out of here. I'm debating within myself as to whether I should see The Born Ultimatum or Harry Potter's latest. Could it be that a little chihuahua placed some goodness back into my cold steel heart after yesterday's rant? Don't bet on it. The future's so bright I gotta wear shades. Sara's on Sunday. Get my drift? Happy twats all around.