"In pre-biblical times, men would swear on their own penises. The word 'testify' is decreed from a Rome legal practice of swearing on one's testicles. The word 'penis' comes from the Latin word for 'tale.'"
-Big Book Of Sex
-Big Book Of Sex
I had a majorly masculine day where only 25% of it sounds gay. Portions of Beerfest and Arnold Schwarzenegger's Commando were watched. The other excitement comes in the form of a guy showing me his giant pumpkins in the garden.
Yessirree, I spent some time in a garden while a guy finished his beer. Macho talk about caterpillars isn't really surprising. What did get my attention was the 2 100-pound pumpkins shielded by shade. I've never seen something so large in my life while Sara might come up with the joke that they are the closest things to resembling my balls.
Do you ever question what masculinity is about? I'm sure, years ago, I would never have considered growing a large garden as such a thing. The images in my head involved shirtless males running around a soccer ball or large men in plastic armor banging on each other. When I saw some recent pictures of Beckham and Posh, I got a new ideal look. A shirtless male kissing his wife prior to her getting in a car. I'm sorry but I found the look of looking good for his wife and kissing her goodbye as something extroardinarily sexy. This would only be second to her feeling completely protected while in my presence.
But ah likes me some gardening talk. While my snooty little 5-Pound Phooey bugged the guy for head scratches, I saw a large amount of baby caterpillars. It is weird to me that I have encountered a guy that finds insects just as fascinating. This is probably the only guy that can understand my 1st Grade event that labeled me as "weird." No one would ever throw out their lunch all just to put in a giant grasshopper to take home. Just me. Oh, and possibly the gardener.
I need sex. Oh, lordy! The night is so ripe and perfect, a slight wind with no unbearable humidity. The portions I saw of Commando and Beerfest stirs the semen in these balls. What the hell is it about beer contests and a macho guy with more guns than a small army that makes me want to mount Sara and howl as I spill my seed?
When not thinking about the obscene act of doggy style, I am hoping for word on this Oak Park, Illinois visit. Who's driving? Who's cars? Where is the hotel going to be? I may spend much of my time with people that plan things at the last minute but I still haven't gotten used to it.
I'm a fan of the Harry Potter books but not in an insane way. Remember, I hate kids. Hate them! All kids should be shoo'd away with brooms and never seen again. However, there is a side of me that enjoys finding kids reading instead of melting hot lead on a damsel in distress on XBox. While you may or may not enjoy Harry Potter, you can't help but be happy that kids can be found in this long line for a book that is as hotly discussed as anything written by O.J. I still hate kids, yo.
Remember, the last book? Sara and I stayed in Barnes & Noble from the early evening til midnight. It was insane but fun. While she was found laying on the floor reading (and later arguing with me about it) about male multiple orgasms, I was off monitoring who was wearing which character. One guy had his bachelor party there. Total loser, of course. All bachelor parties are to be spent in a strip joint or hotel room where someone or something wakes up naked and a small dog is wearing Victoria's Secret panties. The whole trick is that no one can remember a thing because no one wants to admit that after 20something beers, you thought you was a sexy motherfucker while wearing a beer case on your head after certain people dipped your balls in Easter egg coloring.
So, I'm outta here as I await with bated breath this coming weekend. Yes, I will take lots of pictures and hopefully my need for sex is quenched. Let's all take the time to pause and admit that gardening is sexy when it's just us males and a ho. Happy twats all around.
Yessirree, I spent some time in a garden while a guy finished his beer. Macho talk about caterpillars isn't really surprising. What did get my attention was the 2 100-pound pumpkins shielded by shade. I've never seen something so large in my life while Sara might come up with the joke that they are the closest things to resembling my balls.
Do you ever question what masculinity is about? I'm sure, years ago, I would never have considered growing a large garden as such a thing. The images in my head involved shirtless males running around a soccer ball or large men in plastic armor banging on each other. When I saw some recent pictures of Beckham and Posh, I got a new ideal look. A shirtless male kissing his wife prior to her getting in a car. I'm sorry but I found the look of looking good for his wife and kissing her goodbye as something extroardinarily sexy. This would only be second to her feeling completely protected while in my presence.
But ah likes me some gardening talk. While my snooty little 5-Pound Phooey bugged the guy for head scratches, I saw a large amount of baby caterpillars. It is weird to me that I have encountered a guy that finds insects just as fascinating. This is probably the only guy that can understand my 1st Grade event that labeled me as "weird." No one would ever throw out their lunch all just to put in a giant grasshopper to take home. Just me. Oh, and possibly the gardener.
I need sex. Oh, lordy! The night is so ripe and perfect, a slight wind with no unbearable humidity. The portions I saw of Commando and Beerfest stirs the semen in these balls. What the hell is it about beer contests and a macho guy with more guns than a small army that makes me want to mount Sara and howl as I spill my seed?
When not thinking about the obscene act of doggy style, I am hoping for word on this Oak Park, Illinois visit. Who's driving? Who's cars? Where is the hotel going to be? I may spend much of my time with people that plan things at the last minute but I still haven't gotten used to it.
I'm a fan of the Harry Potter books but not in an insane way. Remember, I hate kids. Hate them! All kids should be shoo'd away with brooms and never seen again. However, there is a side of me that enjoys finding kids reading instead of melting hot lead on a damsel in distress on XBox. While you may or may not enjoy Harry Potter, you can't help but be happy that kids can be found in this long line for a book that is as hotly discussed as anything written by O.J. I still hate kids, yo.
Remember, the last book? Sara and I stayed in Barnes & Noble from the early evening til midnight. It was insane but fun. While she was found laying on the floor reading (and later arguing with me about it) about male multiple orgasms, I was off monitoring who was wearing which character. One guy had his bachelor party there. Total loser, of course. All bachelor parties are to be spent in a strip joint or hotel room where someone or something wakes up naked and a small dog is wearing Victoria's Secret panties. The whole trick is that no one can remember a thing because no one wants to admit that after 20something beers, you thought you was a sexy motherfucker while wearing a beer case on your head after certain people dipped your balls in Easter egg coloring.
So, I'm outta here as I await with bated breath this coming weekend. Yes, I will take lots of pictures and hopefully my need for sex is quenched. Let's all take the time to pause and admit that gardening is sexy when it's just us males and a ho. Happy twats all around.
No comments:
Post a Comment