Italian: "Se il cazzo avesse le ali, la tua fica sarebbe un aeroporto."
English: "If a dick had wings, your pussy would be an airport."
English: "If a dick had wings, your pussy would be an airport."
Aren't you overjoyed that I teach you a little naughty foreign language that will liven up your usual boring tea times spent with your girls? Angry at anyone? You can make it a little thing amongst yo' group by calling anyone you hate an 'airport.' Forget about 'ho.' That's, like, so 90's.
I've had a weird day where I've spent time looking at other people accomplishments. While drinking a root beer outside with 5-Pound Phooey (She starts up all the other dogs in the neighborhood by asking everyone about their day and then telling them to go fuck themselves), I noticed the gardener walking around his large garden near my house. Of course, that means I just got to go out there and talk that sort of talk I just cannot get with girls. We all know that 90% of my friends are girls, right?
While the gardener drank Coors Light and I sipped here and there on my root beer, we talked bugs and pumpkins. That enormous pumpkin is now up to 475 pounds, at least. Yeah, your jaws will drop when I put up pictures of this thing, yo. While crouching down, I'm sure Sara will make some sort of snarky remark about it being close to the size of my balls. It's always the quiet ones, eh?
I've never seen a black widow spider. That's what I told the gardener, a fellow enthusiast of not just beer and gardening but bugs and arachnids. It's one of my goals, to see this deadly spider, especially seeing as everyone else has. Why not me? If you're looking for the most deadly and more easily found (black widows are not just shy but sneaky), the brown recluse is even more dangerous. Now, those I've seen. Again, I'm always fascinated with our most dangerous of creatures.
Did you know there is a guy that rides great white sharks? Prior to tagging one, he gets on top once the shark is on the side of the boat. Pour this man a beer! He has earned a life-long free beer a day!
The other thing I took a gander at was my gym's supreme bodybuilder's pictures from the show he participated in this weekend. Impressive. Now, I may not be interested in this bodybuilding thing nor do I find it to be a sport but it is a different world. People of enormous size are up there on a small stage (this was a smaller show) to show off what working out while avoiding various things in life (like taking out the garbage and child rearing because they are the woman's job, no?) can do. One participant was 60 years old but looked around 30. How would you feel if your grandpa had bulging veins all over his body? I'm not even going to discuss the pictures of the women. All I can say is that you'd swear that they were just massive men with large hairdos.
While I might tease, I like seeing what drives others. You hate your job, right? Well, it's obviously the things we do as hobbies or fun that make our time here worthwhile. Drinking beer while gardening is one thing that I can slightly see myself curious about. I've 50% of this down perfect as long as Sara doesn't drink the 2 beers I left in her fridge.
Did you know my dog likes boys more? My mom noticed this about her. 5-Pound Phooey may come up to everyone in hopes of getting a good head scratch but its guys that get her attention more. Today, it was a small assortment of motorcycle guys that she had to meet. Most would be weary but not 5-Pound Phooey for she lives for adrenaline rushes and startin' shit with cats. Guys, no matter how hard they are, tend to bend down and pay attention to this little ball of fur and wiggly tail.
As far as Atlanta goes, if we do this again this year, I'll try and remember to bring the digital camera. It may not be mine but my dad insists on me playing around with it. What better way to highlight our old favorite to make ladies swoon, Erik Estrada? Remember him from CHIPs? Gawd, so 80's and fun. Lance Henriksen is mine because those James Cameron movies he was in meant a lot to me. Aliens and Terminator, especially. Did you know Lance couldn't read but memorized his lines by having people read them to him? There are more illiterate people than you think.
I'm cutting this short due to tomorrow's appointment to get the sac of my cyst removed. There used to be a large bump until my dad and Sara had their ways in draining it. What is it with girls needing to pop their boyfriends' zits, anyway? Whether it's done by knife or futuristic laser, I'm just dying to know if I get a scar out of this. Imagine me sitting around a table with an astronaut and a shark tagger.
"Oh, you think walking on the moon is so damn amazing? Think you're so cool, Mr. Shark tagger? Well, I've got an even worse scar than yours that shows I lived like no one else can! Not only did I once carve out a wart on my finger during a 5th Grade gym assembly and look for a friend's nipple that came off while climbing a fence but I got a scar from a cyst. Nobody's tougher than me."
Actually, that's got to be one of the most fascinating things of all, to do something no one else will ever do. If I were to ever walk on the moon, I'd sit at a restaurant's table with a huge smile on my face. The only thing that would beat that, at least for me, is to involve myself in a massive orgy with 500 women. Happy twats all around.
I've had a weird day where I've spent time looking at other people accomplishments. While drinking a root beer outside with 5-Pound Phooey (She starts up all the other dogs in the neighborhood by asking everyone about their day and then telling them to go fuck themselves), I noticed the gardener walking around his large garden near my house. Of course, that means I just got to go out there and talk that sort of talk I just cannot get with girls. We all know that 90% of my friends are girls, right?
While the gardener drank Coors Light and I sipped here and there on my root beer, we talked bugs and pumpkins. That enormous pumpkin is now up to 475 pounds, at least. Yeah, your jaws will drop when I put up pictures of this thing, yo. While crouching down, I'm sure Sara will make some sort of snarky remark about it being close to the size of my balls. It's always the quiet ones, eh?
I've never seen a black widow spider. That's what I told the gardener, a fellow enthusiast of not just beer and gardening but bugs and arachnids. It's one of my goals, to see this deadly spider, especially seeing as everyone else has. Why not me? If you're looking for the most deadly and more easily found (black widows are not just shy but sneaky), the brown recluse is even more dangerous. Now, those I've seen. Again, I'm always fascinated with our most dangerous of creatures.
Did you know there is a guy that rides great white sharks? Prior to tagging one, he gets on top once the shark is on the side of the boat. Pour this man a beer! He has earned a life-long free beer a day!
The other thing I took a gander at was my gym's supreme bodybuilder's pictures from the show he participated in this weekend. Impressive. Now, I may not be interested in this bodybuilding thing nor do I find it to be a sport but it is a different world. People of enormous size are up there on a small stage (this was a smaller show) to show off what working out while avoiding various things in life (like taking out the garbage and child rearing because they are the woman's job, no?) can do. One participant was 60 years old but looked around 30. How would you feel if your grandpa had bulging veins all over his body? I'm not even going to discuss the pictures of the women. All I can say is that you'd swear that they were just massive men with large hairdos.
While I might tease, I like seeing what drives others. You hate your job, right? Well, it's obviously the things we do as hobbies or fun that make our time here worthwhile. Drinking beer while gardening is one thing that I can slightly see myself curious about. I've 50% of this down perfect as long as Sara doesn't drink the 2 beers I left in her fridge.
Did you know my dog likes boys more? My mom noticed this about her. 5-Pound Phooey may come up to everyone in hopes of getting a good head scratch but its guys that get her attention more. Today, it was a small assortment of motorcycle guys that she had to meet. Most would be weary but not 5-Pound Phooey for she lives for adrenaline rushes and startin' shit with cats. Guys, no matter how hard they are, tend to bend down and pay attention to this little ball of fur and wiggly tail.
As far as Atlanta goes, if we do this again this year, I'll try and remember to bring the digital camera. It may not be mine but my dad insists on me playing around with it. What better way to highlight our old favorite to make ladies swoon, Erik Estrada? Remember him from CHIPs? Gawd, so 80's and fun. Lance Henriksen is mine because those James Cameron movies he was in meant a lot to me. Aliens and Terminator, especially. Did you know Lance couldn't read but memorized his lines by having people read them to him? There are more illiterate people than you think.
I'm cutting this short due to tomorrow's appointment to get the sac of my cyst removed. There used to be a large bump until my dad and Sara had their ways in draining it. What is it with girls needing to pop their boyfriends' zits, anyway? Whether it's done by knife or futuristic laser, I'm just dying to know if I get a scar out of this. Imagine me sitting around a table with an astronaut and a shark tagger.
"Oh, you think walking on the moon is so damn amazing? Think you're so cool, Mr. Shark tagger? Well, I've got an even worse scar than yours that shows I lived like no one else can! Not only did I once carve out a wart on my finger during a 5th Grade gym assembly and look for a friend's nipple that came off while climbing a fence but I got a scar from a cyst. Nobody's tougher than me."
Actually, that's got to be one of the most fascinating things of all, to do something no one else will ever do. If I were to ever walk on the moon, I'd sit at a restaurant's table with a huge smile on my face. The only thing that would beat that, at least for me, is to involve myself in a massive orgy with 500 women. Happy twats all around.
1 comment:
Good luck with the cyst removal. Here's hopin you get a cool scar.
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