"Sometimes, when you've gotta go, you can't."
-Me
-Me
So, how y'all doin' tonight? I'm at my wits end trying to figure out one of life's weird travesties when it comes to myself. Now, I've accepted the fact that I am weird, lovable, and downright a bit on the arrogant side. It's when I start to wonder whether I have an actual understanding as to what society wants that I have problems.
Ever seen a movie that was panned by every known critic to man? I mean, it was considered the most awful thing ever made and reviewer after reviewer asked why this thing was even attempted. So, why in tarnation did I find myself loving movie, The Covenant, something that cannot hide from its obviously gay undertone? Even if it does have a small bit of the occult, warlocks (male witches) normally don't do it for me. Vampires and werewolves get me excited in all sorts of filthy ways that I am so not going into.
So, I've now seen The Covenant at least 4 times because it plays on the Starz Channel every day. Every frickin' day I find myself not being able to take my eyes off of a movie no one has ever admitted to liking. While there are those that would enjoy the portion that makes Top Gun look less gay, very pretty boys walking around in slow motion with no shirts on and amazingly dressed (No high school kid can pull this off), I found myself wondering if all high school girls walk around in just panties very visible thanks to a transparent nightee. I may not always have the best taste in movies but putting in very pretty girls and a dose of the occult is a good start to kick start my heart.
Oh, and, no, I do not watch TV much at all. It's just that everytime I turn on the satellite dish there the same movie is playing day after day after day. I've yet to get tired of Mr. And Mrs. Smith and Beerfest because those are total classics that bring about my sexual and beer drinking buddy sides. Plus, seeing a guy jerk off a frog after a long night of drinking is something I found myself discussing with Bald-O over the phone. You'd think we were doing phone sex or something.
So, the doctor's office? No scar. Not even a teeny tiny one and I'm upset. 45 minutes of waiting in the doctor's office just to have my doctor touch the area where my cyst used to be and declare me not worthy of her cutting me open. I felt let down even if I did enjoy the earlier moments of getting measured (5'10' and 199 pounds! No way!) where the lady found me odd in how proud I was. Truth be told, I'd rather be smaller but the toll I've put on myself through the gym makes me accept that I'm a sexy Spartan with muscles.
Don't you hate that? Going to the doc's office only to be told it's no big deal. I do, however, have to watch the spot on my back for 2 to 4 weeks. Blech! Man, I wanted some frickin' laser beams to come out of her eyeballs and zap things away so I am now a perfectly tuned up specimen. She did ask the age-old question I get from all my doctors:
"Do you work out?"
No, I just sit on my toned ass watching cartoons and singing along to the Duck Tales theme we all know and enjoy. You don't get the kind of body that a girlfriend will pause and run her hands all over before sex from doing nothing. Phew! Enough of my ego. Must talk about dog poop.
Every pet owner faces the inevitable task of having to deal with a pet's dirty ass. 5-Pound Phooey had a total clogging that took me many leaves picked up during our walk in order to get at least a portion of this large brown meatball. Gawd, I'm sure people driving by must find me odd to crouch down on my knees and wipe my dog's butt. Must do. I felt so sorry for 5-Pound Phooey not being able to shit as she kept trying and trying.
That's the weird thing about us pet owners. While I've found that they are more compassionate towards others, there is the part where people cannot believe we can talk about assholes like we'd be discussing eyelashes. Yes, I cringe when I place 5-Pound Phooey in the sink for the water to be run over her butt. It's just the immediate happiness expressed by her running around after being so mopey (and embarassed, you'll see) prior. My past girlfriends were very expressive with their assholes so let's just accept we have 'em and discuss 'em over a spot of tea with the old folks.
So, I'm outta here. I've got the movie, 300, waiting for me after I had finished watching 90% or Debbie Does Daallas Again. It was okay but mega cool when Cassidey squirted, something I've only seen over the computer. Plus, I'm leaving for Sara's this weekend because she says she misses me and I want to fuck her. Aren't we dandy? I'm thinking of using hot wax candles while being given head. I so want to be dirty, seeing as my balls make you think I'm nothing but young, dumb, and full of cum. Happy twats all around.
Ever seen a movie that was panned by every known critic to man? I mean, it was considered the most awful thing ever made and reviewer after reviewer asked why this thing was even attempted. So, why in tarnation did I find myself loving movie, The Covenant, something that cannot hide from its obviously gay undertone? Even if it does have a small bit of the occult, warlocks (male witches) normally don't do it for me. Vampires and werewolves get me excited in all sorts of filthy ways that I am so not going into.
So, I've now seen The Covenant at least 4 times because it plays on the Starz Channel every day. Every frickin' day I find myself not being able to take my eyes off of a movie no one has ever admitted to liking. While there are those that would enjoy the portion that makes Top Gun look less gay, very pretty boys walking around in slow motion with no shirts on and amazingly dressed (No high school kid can pull this off), I found myself wondering if all high school girls walk around in just panties very visible thanks to a transparent nightee. I may not always have the best taste in movies but putting in very pretty girls and a dose of the occult is a good start to kick start my heart.
Oh, and, no, I do not watch TV much at all. It's just that everytime I turn on the satellite dish there the same movie is playing day after day after day. I've yet to get tired of Mr. And Mrs. Smith and Beerfest because those are total classics that bring about my sexual and beer drinking buddy sides. Plus, seeing a guy jerk off a frog after a long night of drinking is something I found myself discussing with Bald-O over the phone. You'd think we were doing phone sex or something.
So, the doctor's office? No scar. Not even a teeny tiny one and I'm upset. 45 minutes of waiting in the doctor's office just to have my doctor touch the area where my cyst used to be and declare me not worthy of her cutting me open. I felt let down even if I did enjoy the earlier moments of getting measured (5'10' and 199 pounds! No way!) where the lady found me odd in how proud I was. Truth be told, I'd rather be smaller but the toll I've put on myself through the gym makes me accept that I'm a sexy Spartan with muscles.
Don't you hate that? Going to the doc's office only to be told it's no big deal. I do, however, have to watch the spot on my back for 2 to 4 weeks. Blech! Man, I wanted some frickin' laser beams to come out of her eyeballs and zap things away so I am now a perfectly tuned up specimen. She did ask the age-old question I get from all my doctors:
"Do you work out?"
No, I just sit on my toned ass watching cartoons and singing along to the Duck Tales theme we all know and enjoy. You don't get the kind of body that a girlfriend will pause and run her hands all over before sex from doing nothing. Phew! Enough of my ego. Must talk about dog poop.
Every pet owner faces the inevitable task of having to deal with a pet's dirty ass. 5-Pound Phooey had a total clogging that took me many leaves picked up during our walk in order to get at least a portion of this large brown meatball. Gawd, I'm sure people driving by must find me odd to crouch down on my knees and wipe my dog's butt. Must do. I felt so sorry for 5-Pound Phooey not being able to shit as she kept trying and trying.
That's the weird thing about us pet owners. While I've found that they are more compassionate towards others, there is the part where people cannot believe we can talk about assholes like we'd be discussing eyelashes. Yes, I cringe when I place 5-Pound Phooey in the sink for the water to be run over her butt. It's just the immediate happiness expressed by her running around after being so mopey (and embarassed, you'll see) prior. My past girlfriends were very expressive with their assholes so let's just accept we have 'em and discuss 'em over a spot of tea with the old folks.
So, I'm outta here. I've got the movie, 300, waiting for me after I had finished watching 90% or Debbie Does Daallas Again. It was okay but mega cool when Cassidey squirted, something I've only seen over the computer. Plus, I'm leaving for Sara's this weekend because she says she misses me and I want to fuck her. Aren't we dandy? I'm thinking of using hot wax candles while being given head. I so want to be dirty, seeing as my balls make you think I'm nothing but young, dumb, and full of cum. Happy twats all around.
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