"Tonight, we dine in hell!"
-300
-300
Every now and then, a movie comes along that makes me want to either stand up and cheer or be fearful of admitting that I enjoy something where half naked men run around shouting about how great it is to be a Spartan. Who's got Spartan spirit? I do!
It's true. I finished watching 300 today and cannot begin to explain just how impressed I was with this movie. A lot of what I stand for and preached about on my old blog is here, a little movie that's just under 2 hours. I've always wondered why so many characters use their abilities in ways that only hurt or exploit others. Here in 300, we find ourselves in one long fucking battle with the Persians but not one of these guys is someone that you'd worry about having your back. Spartans are there til the bloody end. Is this male bonding at its best?
If you know me in real life, you'll find that I am extremely loyal. Well, that is until you bum-fuck me and then I'll go water someone else's lawn. Trust me. Popularity in school was nothing but a bunch of bullshit where everyone had something nasty to say about someone else. In 300, I found myself admiring our king, Lianidas, as he must deal with the masses of Persians about to conquer and destroy Greece. It's damned if you do and damned if you don't because we are talking about 300 against thousands. The odds aren't great for those mean ol' Persians when you piss off just one Spartan. It's here that we find a very good amount of love between Lianidas and his queen as he's torn over all this. It's almost certain death no matter how many houses his boys can bench-press on a good day.
I loved the love between Lianidas and the queen and was so happy this was no emo boy bullshit that's been happening in movies of late. Yeah, I know not everyone has muscles but we are talking Spartans here. You are either handy with the spear or you're outta here because there are no guitar strummers warbling about love being like a cherry. These boys were built for fucking their loved ones as the adrenaline brings that fire prior to a battle of epic proportions. 300 won my heart for its loyalty and love of women. No scheming cat fights. No, these Greek women understood their men and fought back with as much as the boys when the odds were against them.
Zach Snyder, the director, is now a name I will keep with me. I love how he took 300's graphic novel and basically made the movie page-by-page. The images were startling, especially the part where a Spartan must leave at the age of 7 to see what he is made of. The only newness is in the form of giving the queen more depth. Otherwise, you'll recognize the mass of Persians being pushed on top of advancing Persians. Check out Xerxes. The male model they used did not enjoy having all of his body hair waxed off but it works.
I'm going to cut this short because the IFC Channel has a special about sex in the movies. Since I love this channel in how it cuts nothing out, I've gotta see what they have to say about indies, those renegades I find myself admiring for cutting themselves away from big studios. I grew up with Porky's and various teen movies, something they'll talk about later on. My only gripe is how movies make sex seem to perfect. Yeah, like I can just slide my dick in when she's on her side 1-foot away. How many times has a guy ever accidently held your hair down prior to turning you over? When was it that you freaked out about the sight of semen spilling on your sheets before Mom came home? Since when does a guy put his undies back on after sex but the girl always seems to be completely naked? Real men lay there, flaccid penis and all, thinking it's the most awesome thing for a girl to see.
So, I'm outta here after long walks with 5-Pound Phooey that have me more worn out than her. It's gotten so bad that she expects to go to the bank nearby thanks to her discovering sliding doors. Yeah, imagine yourself at a desk while a small dog walks in as if it owns the place, jumps up on the chair, and stares you in the face. Would you ask 5-Pound Phooey if she'd like to open an account or would you tell her owner to please put a shirt on? The sight of his nipples might make you jumpy, eh? Happy twats all around.
It's true. I finished watching 300 today and cannot begin to explain just how impressed I was with this movie. A lot of what I stand for and preached about on my old blog is here, a little movie that's just under 2 hours. I've always wondered why so many characters use their abilities in ways that only hurt or exploit others. Here in 300, we find ourselves in one long fucking battle with the Persians but not one of these guys is someone that you'd worry about having your back. Spartans are there til the bloody end. Is this male bonding at its best?
If you know me in real life, you'll find that I am extremely loyal. Well, that is until you bum-fuck me and then I'll go water someone else's lawn. Trust me. Popularity in school was nothing but a bunch of bullshit where everyone had something nasty to say about someone else. In 300, I found myself admiring our king, Lianidas, as he must deal with the masses of Persians about to conquer and destroy Greece. It's damned if you do and damned if you don't because we are talking about 300 against thousands. The odds aren't great for those mean ol' Persians when you piss off just one Spartan. It's here that we find a very good amount of love between Lianidas and his queen as he's torn over all this. It's almost certain death no matter how many houses his boys can bench-press on a good day.
I loved the love between Lianidas and the queen and was so happy this was no emo boy bullshit that's been happening in movies of late. Yeah, I know not everyone has muscles but we are talking Spartans here. You are either handy with the spear or you're outta here because there are no guitar strummers warbling about love being like a cherry. These boys were built for fucking their loved ones as the adrenaline brings that fire prior to a battle of epic proportions. 300 won my heart for its loyalty and love of women. No scheming cat fights. No, these Greek women understood their men and fought back with as much as the boys when the odds were against them.
Zach Snyder, the director, is now a name I will keep with me. I love how he took 300's graphic novel and basically made the movie page-by-page. The images were startling, especially the part where a Spartan must leave at the age of 7 to see what he is made of. The only newness is in the form of giving the queen more depth. Otherwise, you'll recognize the mass of Persians being pushed on top of advancing Persians. Check out Xerxes. The male model they used did not enjoy having all of his body hair waxed off but it works.
I'm going to cut this short because the IFC Channel has a special about sex in the movies. Since I love this channel in how it cuts nothing out, I've gotta see what they have to say about indies, those renegades I find myself admiring for cutting themselves away from big studios. I grew up with Porky's and various teen movies, something they'll talk about later on. My only gripe is how movies make sex seem to perfect. Yeah, like I can just slide my dick in when she's on her side 1-foot away. How many times has a guy ever accidently held your hair down prior to turning you over? When was it that you freaked out about the sight of semen spilling on your sheets before Mom came home? Since when does a guy put his undies back on after sex but the girl always seems to be completely naked? Real men lay there, flaccid penis and all, thinking it's the most awesome thing for a girl to see.
So, I'm outta here after long walks with 5-Pound Phooey that have me more worn out than her. It's gotten so bad that she expects to go to the bank nearby thanks to her discovering sliding doors. Yeah, imagine yourself at a desk while a small dog walks in as if it owns the place, jumps up on the chair, and stares you in the face. Would you ask 5-Pound Phooey if she'd like to open an account or would you tell her owner to please put a shirt on? The sight of his nipples might make you jumpy, eh? Happy twats all around.
1 comment:
Did you know Spartans had small pox vaccinations? (look carefully, you'll see how more advanced their civilization was than ours)
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