Shortcake's Shorts Are For Me

"I won't leave til I get some figgy pudding."

-Me

Oh, crikey! I'm in some trip, of some sort, where I thought back to the old days of realizing the scent of women. It's there. The way I see it is that it's either a blessing or a curse. Would you believe that this all came about when I stuck my finger in my ear thanks to all the itching while water poured out? Sara was sound asleep and I was worried that I was leaking brain fluid. Thanks to the number of times where she smiles while saying 'weird,' this just might be true.

Yeah, earwax. It's all about how I just cannot resist smelling my finger after killing that horrible itchy annoyance that brought all this being aware of scent. Well, that and the fact that I had seen Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer and how smell is so vitally important to us all. Earwax, well, at least mine, has a heavy dose of sugar/sweet that just weirds me out. Makes me wonder if that's the reason I've had a couple tongues placed in there. The power of sex just doesn't stop anywhere. Some people fuck ears, ya know?

If you wish to know my absolute weakness when it comes to scent, it is this. I fucking love the smell of strawberries. No joke. I once won a Strawberry Shortcake coloring contest where people thought I was nuts to enjoy winning. What would a chubby white kid with a desire to wear Spiderman Underoos want with a girl's toy? Why, to sniff Shortcake's strawberry panties of course! Gawd, I never realized til 3 years ago that I was destined to be a freak with a complete love of strawberries. Mind was hazy. That's what underpants do to a guy, yo.

Seriously, I go nuts for the smell of strawberries. Perfumes that line this scent get my attention and, yes, there are times I will give an ugly lady a couple looks if she's wearing one. All men are susceptible to a scent. It could be freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, limes, and beer. The smell of erasers just reminds me of the nuns that sent me through hell in private Catholic school. Not good times, I tells ya. Spent some time daydreaming over the cute girl in curls that was far too old for me. She probably smelled like strawberries.

Yes, I know I have problems. This has been clearly outlined on the papers I carry with me whenever I travel. "Not to be placed next to strawberries" is heavily outlined like a motherfucker.

There are 2 smells I pretty much detest to the mighty core that is me, coffee breath and soup breath. The first I am slowly getting used to because I have a girlfriend that drinks coffee like a madwoman. If she's not throwing me up against the wall after pulling me into the bathroom at parties just to giggle at the damage while she pees, it's going to be kissing me with coffee breath. Ugh! I fucking hate it! These aren't just kisses but deep open mouth licks prior to her leaving the car for work. I'll be spitting here and there.

Now, soup breath brings back memories of Kristan because there were moments where she would be eating vegetable soup. Guess who has to get kissed while sitting on the kitchen counter? I just don't understand how women seem to bring about my weaknesses so easily. I'll watch Dirty Dancing 20 times in a day but absolutely detest being kissed after a girl eats vegetable soup.

See? It clearly outlines under paragraph 3 that I am not to be kissed when 'woman eats vegetable soup of any kind.'

Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer is so dead on when various scents are discussed. Just never thought of us humans as smelling like cheese. We do carry a variety of smells that are obvious when the nose is placed so close to bodyparts. You'll notice them stuck to the head on your hair, in the ears, breath, skin, sweat from the skin itself, feet, pussy, ass, dick, and whatever you collected on your fingers that day. I found it funny when a recent interview revealed a porn star's love of the smell of ass. But, then, I realized that my nose has been within centimeters of a girl's asshole while eating her out from behind. We're all a bunch of freaks.

But to collect a woman's scent as the murderer from the book does? You've read about serial killers and their obscenely strange desires so this shouldn't be new. There are times I wish a certain scent was with me at all times. You would, too, if you worked out in my gym with a bunch of sweaty arrogant pricks for bodybuilders. But then how would we say what smell is bad if everything was all good? Oral sex has that benefit where we guys can tell our girlfriends that she might have a possible infection down there. Bravery counts because it's hard to tell a woman she has a smelly box.

I do not know where I am going. Blame it on the root beer that is slogging along my brain as I type this. I fell in love with a movie interpretation of 'Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer' and end up lost as to how to explain. I've also got strawberries on my mind while someone out there makes fun of this. Now, it's thinking about all those times Sara says I smell good when I'm sweaty. Could it also be a good excuse to get me in the shower with her?

The point is that I'm so weak when scents come into play. We all know how I love the smell of pussy. It's a nice marine-like float that plays with arousing me. No one can describe it but the closest is a lobster tank in the middle of the grocery store. Only somewhat. As long as it's not strong, pussy smells very, very good. A guy can get quite a rep when giving because a little tongue goes a long way in a coed dorm.

Today's count:

1). Ate a cicada
2). Chased 2 cats
3). Got nasty with 3 dachsunds
4). Pissed off at least 4 other dogs today.

I guess we can say 5-Pound Phooey gave it her all today. My feet are sore from all the usual debauchery that follows from a walk with her. The best part was when 5-Pound Phooey stopped to watch the geese she chased into a small pond. Makes me wonder if people think I'm involved in dogfighting, seeing as she gets all foul-mouth with every dog we encounter.

So, I'm outta here as I feel a lil' down from watching police footage of dogfighting. HBO had a short investigative video on this world. I just don't understand the thinking in these people on how it's a 'sport.' How can you say that while stealing people's puppies to be used as practice? One guy almost lost his dog only to find it hobbling down the road with a shattered pelvis. That was luck because other practice dogs get their mouths taped while the fighting dogs have their way with it. People involved in dogfighting should be forced to fight steroid-filled freaks to see what it's like. Happy twats all around.