Rung Like Hell

"Remember, Billy, only retards wear their collars up."

-T-shirt slogan

It's Sunday and you know what that means! My body is as smooth as a baby's bottom and my ass is just as sweet smelling as the Monarchy's rose garden. C'mon, if yo' ass smelled this good, you'd be all proud n' shit that you'd tell all. Do I sound like this is an overshare or do I just need a spanky?

I really, really hate that need for sexual attention. The mind becomes scatterbrained and I start finding myself caring about the girls in VH1's Rock Of Love. Normally, I'm into someone that can read and not find the time to lace up a corset each day.

Sometimes, I wonder what the true intention is for people to be involved with Myspace. My little brother has his own site and continues to make me laugh. He'll use these pictures that are so obviously well-done at making him look like some risk taking crotch rocket rider. Sure, each person has a blog but I don't see him typing anything. Hell, I don't even know if my brother can type. Due to him leaving his site open, I find out that there's all these messages asking if he's found any 'hot girls' yet. My little brother, a total beanpole with absolutely no muscle tone, is trolling 30 minutes a day looking for bikini models!?! Sure, the 'Net is nice at making the world feel smaller but if your intention is just to get cybersex from some girl many states away you're really just wasting your time by not talking to what is in your hometown.

I laugh at the little notes left on various gorgeous girls' pages. It's always something along the lines of small verbal spitting that makes it sound like a gorilla has made itself known on the 'Net.

"You're hot."
"What's up, sexy thang?"
"Hey, babe."

Well, I can vouch with all honesty that I have never ever gone up to a girl I don't know and said any of these things. Ever. What irks me is how some guys can be so forward with their intentions. Yeah, all girls know by now that you want to have sex with them but try to show something within that makes them see you're a little more than just that. It takes more than a pair of tits to get my attention so I hope you don't mind if I actually talk to you.

There is a guy that was talked about in an Australian magazine. His Myspace page consists of an image of himself shirtless and obviously quite muscular. Fine. Some girls like that but it's his quotes that have me laughing. Apparently it's not just Arnold Schwarzenegger that finds the pump in working out with weights as being the same as an orgasm. This guy, a firefighter, talks about how amazing he is at lifting weights 3 times a day. Again, fine. But where does he find the time all while telling the world how amazing he is as well as being a firefighter?

I dunno. I've always found the best blogs n' shit to be those that say something different. You may not agree with who I enjoy but I find something in them. Tits and ass are nice but when a person tells it like it is all while not making me feel like she's self-absorbed I'm hooked. There are a few people that don't realize how good they can be, whether it's a different view on a political scandal or problems with Hollywood starlets that insist on shaving their heads to avoid a drug test. I like it that people feel free to yell at me. Sara does it to me all the time. You may have a nice body but it's your mind that keeps me there.

Quote me, bitch.

Damn, the bananas are going to rise in price thanks to Hurricane Dean destroying the banana crop. I like bananas! This is a problem, my friends. If bagels and orange juice are suddenly impossible to buy, I'll walk in front of a bus. You have coffee and I have bagels and orange juice. Learn this and we will get along.

You should congratulate my lil' 12-pounds of fluff. 5-Pound Phooey ate 9 cicadas today on just one of the 2 walks. Amazing how she will stalk and then pounce on this insect whom is soon seen being crunched in half. Think of this bug as a lobster dinner where you've found yourself eating the meat as well as the shell. I just love this hunting instinct located within this hairy little creature that adores me.

When not pouncing on a buzzing snack, 5-Pound Phooey takes the time to scare off 1 beagle. That is all. You'd think that I'd come across more dog-walkers but no. I don't know where they've all gone but I suspect it's all because of mine. Lovely little creature until she makes it know how she hates bitches. 5-Pound Phooey only likes boys, those that will allow her time to get it all out of her system.

Want to know why I'm a little weird and not feeling my usual sexual self? I'm somewhat worried about Sara. I've got this strange feeling that something is wrong or things are chaotic over the possibility of us going to Atlanta, Georgia. There has been some concern about the cost to go as it was last year but these people wait til the last minute. Always. It isn't til the day before that I find I have to pack my things and be off. That and I'm wondering if another seizure happened. Stupid me didn't leave my email addy for Sara's mom.

So, I'm going to leave y'all here as I dwell on tomorrow's job interview that may or may not happen. Allergies are having their way with me by causing my ear to ring like hell. Believe it or not, life is not always so easy, especially when you have a very tired mom coming home from radiation 5 days a week. Will some porn take my mind off things? Try, try I shall. Happy twats all around.