Homer: "Marge, you being a cop makes you the man. Which makes me the woman....and I have no interest in that. Besides occasionally wearing the underwear. Which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing."
-The Simpsons
-The Simpsons
Be still, my heart, for I have done a dastardly deed when it comes to being male. I watched 75% of The Devil Wears Prada and loved it. Seriously. This cannot get out to anyone I know, seeing as it is a very, very well-known woman flick of epic proportions all because Emily Blunt got a nomination for her role as an assistant with an agenda. I almost feel as if my large balls and muscles cannot make up for my need to see The Devil Wears Prada again. Even worse, I know the movie is a take-off of the book by the same name very much hinting at Vogue's Anna Wintour.
Now, tell me to finish of a six-pack and fart while discussing how I got the holes in my socks.
Well, I might as well face it. I've always had a very weird fascination with fashion anyway. Versace? Loved how bold his colors were in the 90's. Chanel? Only that time period when Christy Turlington walked the runway. Valentino? The man can make any woman look good in a dress. Besides being on Nipplewatch (they seemed to pop out of models' button downs all the time) when it comes to fashion shows, I fell in love with a look that blends a woman's playfulness and need to be daring. Can you pull of a mix of goth and couture? You'll have my heart.
Today, I read a small bit of a book on the history of sex. Might I say, I was a small bit offended for once. That's not easy since I've pretty much heard and seen it all. From websites listing everything found in a patient's rectum to women squirting like geysers, it truly is a fascinating world when it comes to sex.
The author did a whole 2 pages on the smell of pussy. Sad. Most was in a form of discussing it as something vile and full of odor. You'd think that a young male virgin would go from curious to disgusted at the thought of licking his girlfriend into exctasy. I, myself, had heard so many tales about the smell that it only made me grow more and more curious as to why men discuss it so much. If it's not 'Pull my finger,' it'll be "Hey, smell my finger. It was in Jenny!" Later, in college, I found various roommates tossing around old girlfriends' panties for various friends to smell. Geez, you'd think that one of the most private scents has now become everyone's need-to-know all just for guys to show they've gotten laid.
Whatever. While the author had some funny little articles on various sexual events, actions, history, and a complete collection of foreign words for our slang when it comes to 'dick,' pussy,' cunt,' etc., I take a large amount of offense when a guy tells the world that the vagina is just another way of saying it's nature's armpit. I'm a total pussy eater and proud of it.
So, life when it comes to my love of the vagina? What better way of bringing it all back to where we came from? Various countries have celebrations for our cocks but you never hear much when it comes to the loveliness of cunts. Ladies, it's all about closing your legs or the bats will get out. What's that smell, again? Geez, you'd think that men truly ruled this world. Nope, just the bible telling us that women are nothing but scheming harlots out to ruin men. Keep your legs closed. It's causing a comotion.
A man's fascination with the vagina starts at a timeline. First, there is curiousity. Next, there is discovery. The last? I'd say that's more along the lines of acceptance. It all goes a little like this. We males are so devilishly curious about pussy for there are embarassing moments in our lives where we are caught looking at Playboy or Penthouse only to graduate all the way up to smut like Hustler. You start with wondering about the pubes and then insist on knowing what those pink things hanging down there are. Did some strange animal crawl up her crotch only to forget his flippers? As a kid, you're told through movies and various books that the narrator just has to describe the vagina as smelling so strange, almost 'fishy.' Those that enjoy eating fish get even more curious and insist on finding a girlfriend right away, one that will put out immediately.
Discovery was my personal enjoyment because I slept with a rockin' 29-year-old woman that totally understood my needs all while being 19, young dumb and full of cum. I must have had my fingers inside her at any opportunity. The vagina. It was magical. It was mystical! Goddamn, I just fucked a woman! It must have been silly fun for her to bend over or lay there as I marveled at how soaked my lil' digits were.
And acceptance happens at some point. We males grow up. That magic is gone as we've now accepted the fact that the vagina has no magical powers. It can't suck us in and suddenly have us appear in the middle of the Super Bowl to get Urlacher's autograph. For those 7 minutes of pleasure, all we get is a wet dick and the need to eat something out of the fridge. For me personally, I get 43 minutes of scratches down my back, bites all over my chest, a sticky dick, large red handprints on my bare bottom, and 1 orgasm that last several seconds which is nothing compared to her 4. The best part is seeing her lay on the bed exhausted and drooling.
It's mysterious. The vagina truly is something that I'd say is close to being perfectly made. I'm sure many women willl disagree thanks to being so susceptible to yeast infections, UTI's, periods, and being more susceptible to STD's. But if you take just the look, it's those lips that glisten when aroused. Doggy style, as beastly as it is, fortifies this as those lips I mentioned get torn apart as the cock is introduced. Sex is beautiful when it's pretty people doing it. There is nothing that hurts more than seeing a man lay his mass of a stomach on her after she's bent over to receive him. Okay, maybe the sight of him laying out some cheese and nachos on her back prior to the act.
There's power. Vaginas have the power to mesmerize men, easily seen in porn. However, you can now look at how people are so caught up in trying to stick everything in there that we've lost interest in the actual act of fucking. Baseball bats? Kitchen utensils? Geez, what happened to that loveliness of seeing her pussy torn apart by Ron's giant 11-incher? Okay, Ron Jeremy isn't the best example but I can tell you that, with all the women I've slept with, I've always loved the motion carried out where she bends over. The pussy is throbbing and needing to be tamed. My cock, now being held, is aching to explore it. Pink turns to a light red as the sliding back and forth eases our horrible day at work.
But to truly conquer a vagina? While most guys just want to squirt, so many women I've been with want the act. You've got her. Now ravish her. Make her feel like a whore and blah, blah, blah. For me, I just think of myself as a lion on top her her, biting and holding on as I pump away. There is that feeling of how much bigger you are than she. Thrust hard. Thrust real hard and you'll end up with a girl that will give you many kisses all over. The best part is watching her kiss the cock's head for blessing her with weird convulsions and mucho stickiness. Hopefully, she has peed before all this happens. Then again, some of you are into that type of thing.
I'm sure you have your opinion. Lately, I've noticed a small cult following towards this blog, all women. You're given a twat but told it is ugly. There is no hope that the vagina has actual beauty unless it is by someone willing to rebel by comparing it to a flower. It's brought down empires and even helped win wars. The bulge is better because what is mysterious is too dangerous. Cleopatra was well-known for giving blowjobs to soldiers. Think about how nice it would be if our shit-for-brains president did that for the boys in Iraq. It would be my only time I'd cheer for bukkaki. Happy twats all around.
Now, tell me to finish of a six-pack and fart while discussing how I got the holes in my socks.
Well, I might as well face it. I've always had a very weird fascination with fashion anyway. Versace? Loved how bold his colors were in the 90's. Chanel? Only that time period when Christy Turlington walked the runway. Valentino? The man can make any woman look good in a dress. Besides being on Nipplewatch (they seemed to pop out of models' button downs all the time) when it comes to fashion shows, I fell in love with a look that blends a woman's playfulness and need to be daring. Can you pull of a mix of goth and couture? You'll have my heart.
Today, I read a small bit of a book on the history of sex. Might I say, I was a small bit offended for once. That's not easy since I've pretty much heard and seen it all. From websites listing everything found in a patient's rectum to women squirting like geysers, it truly is a fascinating world when it comes to sex.
The author did a whole 2 pages on the smell of pussy. Sad. Most was in a form of discussing it as something vile and full of odor. You'd think that a young male virgin would go from curious to disgusted at the thought of licking his girlfriend into exctasy. I, myself, had heard so many tales about the smell that it only made me grow more and more curious as to why men discuss it so much. If it's not 'Pull my finger,' it'll be "Hey, smell my finger. It was in Jenny!" Later, in college, I found various roommates tossing around old girlfriends' panties for various friends to smell. Geez, you'd think that one of the most private scents has now become everyone's need-to-know all just for guys to show they've gotten laid.
Whatever. While the author had some funny little articles on various sexual events, actions, history, and a complete collection of foreign words for our slang when it comes to 'dick,' pussy,' cunt,' etc., I take a large amount of offense when a guy tells the world that the vagina is just another way of saying it's nature's armpit. I'm a total pussy eater and proud of it.
So, life when it comes to my love of the vagina? What better way of bringing it all back to where we came from? Various countries have celebrations for our cocks but you never hear much when it comes to the loveliness of cunts. Ladies, it's all about closing your legs or the bats will get out. What's that smell, again? Geez, you'd think that men truly ruled this world. Nope, just the bible telling us that women are nothing but scheming harlots out to ruin men. Keep your legs closed. It's causing a comotion.
A man's fascination with the vagina starts at a timeline. First, there is curiousity. Next, there is discovery. The last? I'd say that's more along the lines of acceptance. It all goes a little like this. We males are so devilishly curious about pussy for there are embarassing moments in our lives where we are caught looking at Playboy or Penthouse only to graduate all the way up to smut like Hustler. You start with wondering about the pubes and then insist on knowing what those pink things hanging down there are. Did some strange animal crawl up her crotch only to forget his flippers? As a kid, you're told through movies and various books that the narrator just has to describe the vagina as smelling so strange, almost 'fishy.' Those that enjoy eating fish get even more curious and insist on finding a girlfriend right away, one that will put out immediately.
Discovery was my personal enjoyment because I slept with a rockin' 29-year-old woman that totally understood my needs all while being 19, young dumb and full of cum. I must have had my fingers inside her at any opportunity. The vagina. It was magical. It was mystical! Goddamn, I just fucked a woman! It must have been silly fun for her to bend over or lay there as I marveled at how soaked my lil' digits were.
And acceptance happens at some point. We males grow up. That magic is gone as we've now accepted the fact that the vagina has no magical powers. It can't suck us in and suddenly have us appear in the middle of the Super Bowl to get Urlacher's autograph. For those 7 minutes of pleasure, all we get is a wet dick and the need to eat something out of the fridge. For me personally, I get 43 minutes of scratches down my back, bites all over my chest, a sticky dick, large red handprints on my bare bottom, and 1 orgasm that last several seconds which is nothing compared to her 4. The best part is seeing her lay on the bed exhausted and drooling.
It's mysterious. The vagina truly is something that I'd say is close to being perfectly made. I'm sure many women willl disagree thanks to being so susceptible to yeast infections, UTI's, periods, and being more susceptible to STD's. But if you take just the look, it's those lips that glisten when aroused. Doggy style, as beastly as it is, fortifies this as those lips I mentioned get torn apart as the cock is introduced. Sex is beautiful when it's pretty people doing it. There is nothing that hurts more than seeing a man lay his mass of a stomach on her after she's bent over to receive him. Okay, maybe the sight of him laying out some cheese and nachos on her back prior to the act.
There's power. Vaginas have the power to mesmerize men, easily seen in porn. However, you can now look at how people are so caught up in trying to stick everything in there that we've lost interest in the actual act of fucking. Baseball bats? Kitchen utensils? Geez, what happened to that loveliness of seeing her pussy torn apart by Ron's giant 11-incher? Okay, Ron Jeremy isn't the best example but I can tell you that, with all the women I've slept with, I've always loved the motion carried out where she bends over. The pussy is throbbing and needing to be tamed. My cock, now being held, is aching to explore it. Pink turns to a light red as the sliding back and forth eases our horrible day at work.
But to truly conquer a vagina? While most guys just want to squirt, so many women I've been with want the act. You've got her. Now ravish her. Make her feel like a whore and blah, blah, blah. For me, I just think of myself as a lion on top her her, biting and holding on as I pump away. There is that feeling of how much bigger you are than she. Thrust hard. Thrust real hard and you'll end up with a girl that will give you many kisses all over. The best part is watching her kiss the cock's head for blessing her with weird convulsions and mucho stickiness. Hopefully, she has peed before all this happens. Then again, some of you are into that type of thing.
I'm sure you have your opinion. Lately, I've noticed a small cult following towards this blog, all women. You're given a twat but told it is ugly. There is no hope that the vagina has actual beauty unless it is by someone willing to rebel by comparing it to a flower. It's brought down empires and even helped win wars. The bulge is better because what is mysterious is too dangerous. Cleopatra was well-known for giving blowjobs to soldiers. Think about how nice it would be if our shit-for-brains president did that for the boys in Iraq. It would be my only time I'd cheer for bukkaki. Happy twats all around.
2 comments:
We're not in the 50s anymore, you know. There's quite a lot of focus on the vagina, these days. I wouldn't worry about it - girls are being reduced to what they have down there, every day.
I don't think people "frown" on discussing human genitalia - it's just not the most interesting topic to discuss with people you see on a daily basis (friends, coworkers, family), besides being inappropriate in most circumstances and vain. Besides, what's to talk about? It's a vagina, it bleeds, it secretes, it births. It's about as functional as an elbow, and I don't see people sitting around talking about elbows all day. It's almost like conversation for the sake of conversation, like we need something titillating to hold our attention.
If Lysol wants to make a feminine deodorizer that works, power to them. We use deodorant to mask other smells, don't we? (of course, other cultures don't - perhaps we should take more after them) I, for one, prefer not to be able to smell vaginal secretions coming from women in my direct vicinity.
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