Poopin' Is Easy

"I'm the goddamn Batman."

-Batman

Wanna know a secret? If you've ever had a day/night where your stomach is so fucking full but you just cannot rid yourself of the contents, there is help. I've learned after years and years of trying various forms of sit-ups that there are 2 types that can help you build one solid tight tummy. The only side effect is that you're gonna need to poop shortly after. What's better than knowing you'll walk around feeling super skinny and having a stomach that people will admire? According to what I see in the world today, beauty is everything. Idiots are awesome!

Oh, and, yes, I did show Sara my secret sit-ups only to find that her abs were not only getting tighter in 2 days but the pain from soreness of doing a new exercise was a bit much. I like pain but barely ever feel it these days.

My dad and I were talking about various TV shows we love on satellite. An agreement was reached on Showtime's The Tudors, Weeds, Californication, and Dexter. When I pressed on with the addition of the E! Channel's The Girls Next Door I got confusion. It wasn't until I explained that it was that show about Hugh Hefner's girlfriends that he finally realized what I was talking about. C'mon, you watch that show, too! It's addictive as fuck to see 3 girls with no brains find 'love' with an old guy that has money. Think about it. Bridget, Holly, and Kendra would never be able to hold down jobs if it wasn't for the creator of Playboy Magazine.

I'm not in denial over the fact that I find The Girls Next Door as addictive as crack. What annoys me is how I let myself enjoy following the adventures of truly stupid show us just how stupid a person can be. Makes me feel a whole lot smarter when I have days where I cannot believe I did what I did in those 24 hours. Just listen to Bridget, a girl with a degree in communications but cannot talk without saying these words: "Everything was so beautiful" or "Everything was so gorgeous." Just where did Bridget get this degree? Sara and I would like to know.

Kendra is.........well, something I have been lucky in not encountering as many times as everyone else has. Sure, I've met a few retarded people but they always seem to be smarter than her. I do not know why Hugh Hefner keeps this girl around. Could it be how Kendra never seems to care about her actions and how they play off of others? She's got a rockin' bod as seen in the uncensored version of The Girls Next Door but I'd still kick her out.

Holly is interesting because she's so calculating on her expectations on how she's going to get Hefner's money. Oh, she's so good even I slightly believe Holly would sleep with any old geezer. Sara and I agree that she's the most interesting girl on The Girls Next Door. That's not saying too much. All you need is to be able to talk, something the one with a communications degree cannot do in all the chances she gets.

Yeah, it's pretty sad that I'm addicted to The Girls Next Door. Well, at least it's not Boston Legal, something I have to see the last 5 minutes of because my parents watch it like it's the best thing around. James Spader in drag was THE shit, though. It's just that everyone I know watches The Girls Next Door no matter how stupid it is. Women watch it so it can't just be about 3 girls with large tits running around. Sara laughs at how they cannot pronounce anything correctly when the girls went to Paris. I, for some strange reason, was shocked when Kendra, el Retard-O, thought that having a grill was the best thing ever.

Let me tell you something. Going back to the gym after being away for almost a week is a great feeling. Biceps and lower back worked overtime tonight. Of course, it helped that the night was quite cold but the pump was raging so well in my veins that I didn't wish to go home. It felt so good. This seems to be something I need each day or I get into a funk that brings about anger and self-hatred all in the form of a raging shit storm. It's nice to have abs but it's more about the feeling that comes in getting them.

More weekend? While the bowling time of 6 hours wore me the fuck out, Sunday night was nice to relax away from it. We went to Sara's parents' house for a taco dinner. Of course, that also means football, an emotional game between the Chicago Bears and Denver Broncos. This involves me being laughed at when I start yelling at the TV screen. Bears won so all was well in this little mind that tends to keep a lot in. I miss playing football.

Saw Die Hard 4 or Live Free Or Die Hard, as it's called in some places. Loved it but found it so ludicrous with an excess of action. We loved John McLane because he was a guy that could get hurt all while being a hero. Here, in Die Hard 4, he's now some kind of super being that can land on a jet, dodge flying cars, and kick the ass of a tough hot Asian girl all in 1 day. Like I said, ludicrous but fun to see all this. They kind of wasted the bad guy by not using him for much other than to say threats back and forth. Remember Hans, the first Die Hard baddie? Computer nerds just don't do as well as Hans.

Of course, the weird thing is that I watched Die Hard 4 with Sara, her parents, and a guy that used to work for the CIA. Good guy. There's something about knowing a person that has seen how the world really runs. Dinner table conversations get a whole lot more interesting.

So, I'm a gonna leaveth ya here. I've got Skinwalkers paused in my DVD player. Yes, that means I'm watching a werewolf movie where there are good ones fighting things out with the bad ones. Why is it that I find myself willing to get my claws out for the baddies? Even in Star Wars, I always knew that I'd work with Darth Vader because the Rebels didn't know how to dress. Happy twats all around.