When In Doubt, Whip It Out

"Old tin-lizzy,
do it til you're dizzy!
Give it all ya got til you put it out of your misery!"

-"Rag Doll" by Aerosmith

Leaves. Leaves all over the fucking place is what I deal with each night after walking 5-Pound Phooey. Each time I get home from the gym, I take her on a walk where it's pretty much just the two of us in the park. The damn things cling to her and wrap around my little furry buddy and then end up on my floor. I like a nice clean floor, dammit.

So, yeah, you get an idea as to how my day/night goes. First is work and then to the gym. A walk is definite or I'll get growled at. You'd be surprised at how a 12-pound female Yorkshire Terrier can be pretty persuasive at getting her way. How is it that people laugh at the fact that I tell them I have to go home to walk a dog or I'll get shit in my shoes?

Okay, this had me laughing. Quite possibly, I could be a little disgusted since it's not something I wish to come across myself. A man put up 31 videos of himself masturbating in various stores like Dillard's, Barnes & Noble, and Wal-Mart. I know that Barnes has 'Playboy' and 'Penthouse' while Wal-Mart carries a fine selection of very in-your-face undergarments for the large rednecks in the family. But Dillard's!?! You could bring in a stack of porn or two-way mirrors for the dressing rooms but still not be able to get it up.

It's true, though. A man did put up a large assortment of videos of himself going at it with himself. The nerve! What's even better is the large assortment of comments from people that have seen the videos. Women take into account the man's attractiveness or mention that they'd watch as long as he doesn't make lewd comments. The men, on the other hand, want to see him make a game of this by jerking off in as many stores as possible before getting caught. Can you believe this guy just whipped it out in the frozen food section!?! Does the smell of fish remind him of anything, like scents from long lost lovers?

Barnes & Noble is well-known for having to send its workers into the store's various stacks in order to catch various people masturbating. It's true. One time, I came into the restroom to find a guy jerking off in a stall. How could I tell? There's certain motions we guys do when we are forcing ourselves to cum under great stress. Plus, he had an issue of Playboy since the subscription cards fell out onto the floor. I'll admit to not finding this whole thing funny no matter the old saying:

"When you've gotta cum, ya gotta cum."

It's as old as time. When people find that playing in their 'danger zone' feels good, they go for it. I'm not quite certain that a girl, while shopping, would sit down to watch while some unknown guy decides to squirt in the frozen food section. If it was a girl that suddenly pulls up her skirt and rubs herself silly, a crowd of very wide-eyed boys would circle around to offer help or just watch. The fascination with pussy flows through our veins while the sight of a stranger's cock is not quite as appealing. Girls, at least most of them, enjoy their mate's more. I'm pretty sure Sara would make sure she has a comfortable seat when presented with a young male masturbating himself to ecstasy.

My opinion? I've always found it fascinating to watch women diddle themselves silly. Of course, Sara's the only girlfriend that has done that since the others were too shy or I just forgot to even share that fantasy. You'd be surprised but I did study in college. It's just that I don't know how I'd react to a girl just suddenly taking a large zucchini or various vegetables for a good one-on-one session. Most of my curiosity would be based on wanting to know how rough she likes things inside. Is she multi-orgasmic? Does she squirt? Put me down for that because I've always wanted to see if this liquid really is magical or just piss. Other than all that, I'd probably show a side of me you never thought possible, slightly embarrassed. It's always best to leave a girl alone when it comes to her veggies.

Amazingly, I signed up for work this weekend..........morning work. I hate waking up that early but I did mention in the past that I'd like to do it because it's so much fun. Such a liar I can be! Getting paid to work out is good, though. More on that later.

So, I'm outta here as I find another day endeth where I need gas and a good long foot massage. Friday's almost here! I'm hoping I take the bedding shopping nice and slow so I get the right things. Gonna sleep well. Gonna sleep real well. Now, please, take the time to masturbate your sexy girly selves after reading this. Send a tape of this session if you might like me to critique your technique. Surprise me. If you can use the stick shift in the most intimate way, you are a goddess. Happy twats all around.