Smiling Because Of Rocks

"One of the disadvantages of wine is it makes a man mistake words for thoughts."

-Samuel Johnson

Stop me if you've heard this before. Another day has gone by and another set of people have made it known that they think I have some manly pecs. I am the male version of Pamela Anderson. Only I can allow a girl to tell me that I have bigger tits than she while smiling.

I know. You read it all the time here where various people think themselves original in telling me that I have a very large chest. Gee, I'm pretty sure bench-pressing does this. Oops, secret's out! You'd think it is some alien concept on what I've done to myself or that I wish such discussion. My tits are my own business only I use this for something else, not ego.

Laughter is what I'm after. There's that warm feeling when someone takes the time to pat my chest and tell me how impressive it is. Meetings before work give others time for this. The largest co-worker I have is around the 225 mark while the second is near this. Me being at the 3rd largest is kind of odd and gives me a different sort of job. Since I am a little faster with not quite as much weight to throw around, I deal with the part of the job the requires such effort. Believe me, I am very thankful for this because the kind of weight constantly lifted by the big guys would only make me angrier. It would appear to me that my gym-face comes out and work becomes a moment to put myself to the test.

But what gives another man the right to pat my chest like he knows me well? One of the personal trainers did just that after telling me how impressed he was with how much weight I was doing on the pec-dec flies, all of it and then some. Do girls just go up to each other and compare their tits? Reminds me of how each time a guy tells me how impressive my chest is I just say, "Quite staring at my D-cup." Usually, they get the joke. Usually.

FYI: Yes, Sara likes to play with my pectoralis muscle. Just for giggles, she'll feel me up or put her hands underneath my shirt to rub the sensitive skin. Oh, how I love that.

There's a fact book I just picked up from Barnes & Noble that got my attention. The cover is green with a dog dressed up as Yoda. You'll find it in the new hardback section if you wish to join me in my need to read about various things all over the world. A special section is given to the sexuality in the animal kingdom. Me being me, I usually think that animals have it quite nicely. No STDs, orgies, alpha male is most likely the first to choose his mate, and if you can't find a suitable gal, go gay without politicians screaming at you.

Hippos, on the other hand, have a behavior that I find quite amusing but gross. In order to get the male's attention, the female hippo shits and pisses while flinging both with her tail. Apparently, the smell gets 'em going because we all know that males love poo where he'll take her into shallower water for a good mounting. It's here that the female must fight to keep her head above water while the male's hard work is being done. Drowning by copulation is possible.

Penguins use rocks. If the female likes the rock given to her by the male, she'll insist they go fuck behind a bush. Same thing with humans except we have a great place to help out the guys, Tiffany's. Anything else and it's just a blowjob.

It's been a pretty good day. My co-workers have made me feel like I am completely in their group. The deaf guy wants me to come bowling with him on Friday. The tiny married girl actually takes the time to watch me do the I'm-going-home-now dance. My manager is getting me a free t-shirt with the company's logo. I've got one large ex-linebacker to talk football with. The girl with the big tits shows signs of liking me. My bonus will be picked up tomorrow and I get a raise in December. If only my body didn't feel like someone hit me with paint-ball pellets, things would be perfect.

So, I'm outta here as I make my monthly financial arrangements in regards to what I am spending on. Most is going to the gym, seeing as my membership is almost up. Insurance is taking another chunk. The rest is going to bedding and a few impulse items. Maybe Banana Republic to get some more pin-stripe button downs. Life is good. I don't have to find rocks. Happy twats all around.