Happy? Yeah, Me.

"And they're all made out of ticky-tacky."

-"Little Boxes" (the theme for Showtime's Weeds)

Don't know what to tell you. As much as it would be nice to feel very relaxed, I come home after work to a mother insisting on me telling her why I'm off early or late. 4 dogs tell me I don't give them enough attention and 1 of these will glare at me til she gets her walk. My dad sits in his room on the computer like it's his best friend. All I want is to sit outside on a picnic table to stare up at the stars but it's raining.

Hmmm.....kind of sounds like me, eh? Lost a little bit of myself at work today thanks to a small new bruise on my right bicep. Lovin' the battle wounds as much as I can. What I really want is to feel so calm again, that moment when I was in childhood scaring up the local neighborhood with strange child antics. I'd settle for laying on top of a picnic table to stare up into the night's sky and wonder just how I'm doing. Can I ask for some sympathy or would I be sounding too whiny?

Wouldn't hurt to hear from Sara. Geez, the bank has today as a holiday yet I haven't heard from her since Thursday or something like that. Across from me on that imaginary picnic table would be her. Well, since it's a dream I'm talking about, I'd add a pipe to my mouth because I love the smell of cherry tobacco. Sara told me her dad used to smoke a pipe. For me, it was my mom's friend's that I couldn't get enough of the smell that floated around the house. Listen to me. I'm almost sounding like a condone smoking.

Listen to me. I'm dog-tired after another day of work. Somehow I find that I enjoy this because I do sleep a little better knowing I'm a part of society's need for slaves. I'm learning that there is an insane expectation for the human condition. People can only go at a possible speed but we're expected to work like robots, never stopping for a drink. Now is the time where you ask me how I get into the gym each night to finish a workout that would make other puke. Just ask me. Don't be shy.

Of course, those words can be found on the local porn store manager's button. "Just ask me. Don't be shy." can help bring a very timid individual that doesn't know his fetish just yet. Or he might just blurt it out. "I love to suck feet and be splattered in nail polish while eating carrots in a cage!" On second thought, maybe some people should be quiet and hope for something normal like an obsession with anal or sniffing women's panties. This coming from someone that would find an enjoyment of something so quiet, like, counting stars. Let's face it. I'm boring here and there thanks to a weird scientific fascination with vaginas.

Hope my grot is in tomorrow. It's not that I hate visiting the porn store everyday to see if my DVD has come in. It's that I don't feel like I belong. When I see an older gentleman in a suit and tie buying tokens to visit the arcade portion of the place, I get a small creepiness inside. It's this stupid judgemental version of me that wishes things were so much easier. The religions would be right in saying that a person's value is from within and looks don't count. Ugly Mexicans will have a bigger chance of getting laid instead of splattering the glass with semen before time is up in the arcade room. Man in suit and tie can stop looking at his wife with the majorly faded looks with disgust. Who knows. Everyone has a reason for sitting at the computer looking at porn for hours instead of actually doing it.

At least my large bruise has healed considerably. Many more to come this week while I whittle things down to getting my $100 bonus soon. Whoopee. It's just a little something for losing portions of my skin as I enjoy the challenge of getting things done.

So, I leave you here as I show you in words how tired I am. No walks today thanks to rain, something we've been hoping for to deal with this nasty humidity. 1 person died in the Chicago Marathon over the weekend so hopefully that gives you an idea. Here and there, I'm packing things for my trip to Indiana on Friday. Mind you, this weekend will have a lot of walking thanks to the Feast. Worth it. Muskets and pipes will be playing like it's a trip back in time. Maybe I'll visit the pub for some ale in a stein as Sara tells me we need to go home or it'll be too late for my lapdance. Happy twats all around.