The Sweat Of My Balls

"When they do the double-dutch, that's them dancing."

-"Whip Smart" by Liz Phair

It's safe to say that my biggest accomplishment of today is waking up. I felt like I had gone back in time and relived days of football practices. All over, I ached and felt so sore that I couldn't believe I made it down the hall to do the usual, piss and stare at myself in the mirror to look for any new zits. That, I'd say, is a dangerous time to brush teeth since you just might do it with Preparation H or worse........Nair.

I've just come downstairs from seeing something fascinating. HBO has a series, a very popular one I might add, called Real Sex. It's definitely changed over the years by covering more and more things that demand explicit showings to help us understand what is going on. I'm a fan in how things are evened out, naked males are shown just as much as the females. While there are a lot of pussy sightings, a part of me is pretty sure that this show is run by women because there are some major dick discussions and showings on how a male stripper stays hard (rubber bands).

However, I was not prepared for what I saw tonight on the newest Real Sex, episode #32. Fire dancers, those people you'd swear are extremely crazy to spin things or play with things set on fire. Danger? Oh, yeah, some talked of getting haircuts by the fire. What I didn't expect is to see people having a fire-filled orgy where various body parts are touched by flames. Girls would be running large lit wicks all around another girl's body, tits, ass, and crotch. Not surprisingly, all girls were completely bare down there. Two of those involved in the orgy are a married couple that just so happen to enjoy playing with fire while fucking. Going at it doggystyle while someone runs flames all over you body sound good to you?

Oh, the best part of the fire orgy? That would be the beginning where the married woman would come out completely nude, get on her knees, bend downward with her ass sticking up, and place a lit wick in her ass. This would be where every comes out to get their sticks lit up for playing with fire. I swear, I'd love to see this live because it looks like nothing I could ever dream up in my demented mind.

Note: I will not discuss this wish Sara for I do not want to get her curious about fucking while playing with fire. There are certain things I am fearful of getting burned so 'chestnuts roasting on an open fire' comes to mind.

I don't know what to tell you. My body's aches come from this humidity that has come to Illinois just as it has in other midwestern states. It's been one nasty day after another where sweat keeps pouring down and there's nothing I can do about it. I set foot outside to see if that porno DVD made it here only to find out no. Go home and feel like showering is the best thing after feeling so stupid for going outside.

But, of course, my mind just can't sit still and off I go! Got myself a Batman t-shirt! Whoo! It's all black with the large Batman symbol located on the chest. I'd rather have it in grey but beggars can't be choosers. It's possible that my nerdiness might come out some more since I'm tempted to get the Superman one, blue with the symbol on the chest. Nothing like advertising how much I love comic book characters. Sara'll be happy with the Superman one since she insists I wear more blue shirts to 'bring out my blue eyes.'

That girl knows how to get into my pants better than anyone........

Time spent at home was where I tried to sleep. 5-Pound Phooey wasn't into going on a walk thanks to the hot weather so I tried to mimic her afternoon needs. Why is it so fucking hard to nap when the humidity causes me to complain? Waking up so sore has me wondering if I got any sleep at all. Get up, scratch your butt, and pee while thinking it idiotic to even wake up in the first place. Consumerism gone rampant all because certain humanistic needs must be fulfilled.

Reliving glory days means watching old Liz Phair music videos on Youtube, namely 'Supernova' because Kristan used to sing that to me while riding my dick. Trust me. The sight of a woman singing lines like "You fuck like a volcano and you're everything to me" mean the world to an impressive orgasm. Try to imagine how impressive it was to be 19 and her 29. It's not the age that matters but hearing how good you've gotten from someone so experienced that matters. Wonder what Kristan would think now after Sara's teachings on bedding a wild lass.

But Liz Phair brings back so much to me, MTV's 120 Minutes show where videos were played for that long of a period of time. I miss her being that indie goddess that sang songs like 'Supernova,' 'Whip Smart,' and 'Fuck And Run.' It was always that feeling that someone understood, especially late at night, where the lyrics felt personal. None of that fake boobs bobbing up and down. Liz was a small girl from Chicago hauling around a big guitar with naughty lyrics while late night pizza was starting to disagree with the ol' stomach.

Girls that turn on Ultrarooster:

1). British with a tendency to use big and clever naughty words.
2). Girls with guitars (D'Arcy, Liz, Shirley......
3). Think for themselves and enjoy being cynical.
4). Can hold an automatic and rescue me from serial killers when my ammo's low
5). Works out not just for body but to clear the mind
6). Has a bad habit of biting me
7). Speaks fluent geek
8). Enjoys sex on playgrounds after dark
9). Will not shower alone because the best conversations are when naked and soapy
10). Still climbs trees

So, there you have it, your daily entry of how wacko (but lovable) I can be. Funny how I never seem to mention people I know anymore. There is this possible impression I give that I no longer talk to people. Not so. Slutwatcher was around on Friday but I was leaving when he came in. Talked to one of the deaf guys at work and, yes, he was so happy someone else can talk to him as well. I swear on my life that you can make a deaf person so happy by telling him/her that you can use sign language. Another guy at work has real bad ADD but all that is for a different time. Happy twats all around.