Our Elvis Came Back Out

"The good news about having a cold is the fast metabolism. The bad news is that I have to enjoy the sight of myself pissing like a racehorse."

-Me

Jolly good day, sir? Like hell it was! I learned the terrible tragedy of allowing Walgreen's to develop my disposable digital camera, a $40 mistake. When I first saw the number on the register's screen prior to the sales tax, I thought there must be some kind of mistake. $40 for triples and a photo CD all in a nice glossy finish!?! Way back when, Meijer's used to do all that for close to $20. Times have changed.

Yeah, I should have my 'My Pictures' section up with new pictures within the next 2 days. Stay tuned for all that action packed romping with wolves that I talked about. There's me in my Michael Vick (a dog lover's horror story) Halloween costume with fake blood all over myself. Sara's wearing her Tank Girl outfit that might confuse some into thinking she is a ho with goggles. Don't say that to her, though. I got slapped for saying that. I must admit that the visit to the local Goodwill store to pick up all the right things for her was fun. $1.99 for a plastic axe made my day.

Liked my discussion on the visit to the Wolf Park? It's kind of hard to explain to people that don't care much about the animals we live with. I've got 4 Yorkshire Terriers. Sara's roommate has a white cat. Sara's friends have animals like the 2 turtles that had me fascinated on first meeting. Bald-O has a big ugly dog that tore apart my expensive A & F cargo shorts. In other words, animals are all around me no matter where I go.

Since it is highly likely that I will get a digital camera next week, the next visit to the wolf park will take place soon after with better pictures. My mind has been playing little visits over and over again with that amusing bunny chase where the wolves chased it into the herd of bison. If you've never seen an animal put the brakes on fast, you would have seen it then. 200 pounds does not fuck with something over 500 and likes apples.

As I said before, Halloween was celebrated early. This weekend, various people in the group got together. There was an Elvis, Sara was Tank Girl, I was Michael Vick, Eric was a Harry Potter Death Eater, Marty was something in the military, Eric's girlfriend was Scuba Sally (fish tank character), and so on. Some costumes were confusing to understand while the old traditionals such as vampires still made the rounds. The party we went to was one where nobody really knew anyone. Since it had Mormons, Sara kept telling me to watch my mouth.

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure if my mind is still in college or what. There was a slight boredom in the air at the party. That was until I found out that the small garage was being used for dancing. My old hunches were right. A male that takes dancing by himself seriously is definitely gay. Sara has better gaydar so this had to be pointed out to me while 'Thriller' started playing and, yes, I did some Michael Jackson moves while holding a Miller Lite bottle.

What I mean by my wondering if I'm still in college is that the atmosphere within the party reeked of boring here and there. 2 girls showed up not wearing any costumes. The people hosting had nothing original. A jailer is just a guy in black/white pajamas to me. Money certainly is not an issue. Sara spent under $20 for hers while a store-bought one would cost at least $40 or more. Just because you have vampire fangs, does not make you an interesting vampire. Go all out.

Tyler Durden: "No matter how many feathers you put up your butt, you're still not a chicken."

Maybe Fight Club wisdom will help you get what I'm saying. The worst thing of all is the fat chicks that dress in slutty costumes. Sexy is not wearing something that is obviously too small. Lane Bryant is your lover so do not avoid it. Grasp it because no one wants to see enormous love handles and big sagging tits with cottage cheese thighs in a little green skirt because she thinks she makes a sexy wood nymph.

Oh, when Elvis went to the bathroom, we all stood at the door to wait for him to come out. We just wanted him to know that we're happy he made it back out alive, unlike the one that died while taking a shit. Don't you wish people would clap for you after you poop'd? Could the best part be when someone whispers those little words:

"I hear splashes!"

Well, I'm tired and in no mood to discuss the first time I saw Sara throw-up, eye booger issues thanks to cold weather, and spending each weekend in Target. You see, my butt has up, gone, and left me again because my new workout burned it off. Picture a completely naked girl in the bathroom squeezing tushie right before a shower. Aint no ghetto-bootie here. Just bend over and squeeze when you work out. That's the secret. Happy twats all around.