Love You All, Goodnight

"Canned beer makes me burp
So I drink from a bottle.
I'm a beer baby."

-Beer haiku (found on Dailybeerhaiku)

So, ever had a day where you woke up with the feeling you should stay in bed. Nothing's gonna go your way so it's best to avoid facing life's awful reality. I get it in me bones. Actually, that's not true. I get this feeling in my back muscles, all 2oo or so of them where they ache to be placed back down onto the bed's warm embrace. Never mind the small amount of sweat from night dreams where I have actually run away from a donut (or 2). It is far better to conquer that donut and tell it who's boss by eating the bastard. Homer Simpson I aint.

Yeah, it's been said that old people feel a change in the weather by the feeling they get in the knees. No offense to old people. Just don't get in my way while driving and we'll be just fine. For me, it's my back muscles that tell a day's worth of what I'm about to encounter. Ugh, all that pain coming out right when I woke up. Hated it.

This would be the first time I have ever been late for work. Ever. Remember when I stated about the new time for starting? Well, they switched back to the old. I walk up the stairs 15 minutes late and not one hint in my head that I was expected earlier. It's embarrassing to me because I'm one of those people that believe in being punctual. You inspect your eyes. I watch the clock like a hawk.

High security and it shows. As soon as I walk in, one of the managers comes right up to me and orders me to begin. Never mind the fact that I am pretty much in shock. Pish tosh! Off I go all while wondering just what the fuck is going on. It may be nice to have various areas to myself but it would also be nice to have someone to talk to in which to calm me a bit down. Told you I get embarrassed.

Yeah, so that gives you an idea about my rainy, no-good, very bad day. Should have stayed in bed. But then again, I wouldn't have gotten to enjoy the fun mock chew-out by the deaf guy. It's so much fun to make someone's work better all by showing up. Even better is when he can laugh over my confusion as to when work starts by signing weird words that no one knows what he is saying. Okay, so there are times I giggle like a schoolgirl........high-five to me.

What does weird me out is how I am constantly looked at by this one girl I know likes me. Every time she is in my section, there is this feeling of being looked at. Why not? I'm in some very awkward positions where my ass is up in the air. She could be wishing for the chance to spank me or lick my balls from below. Who knows. A girl can have the most filthy imagination that I have yet to match. Don't believe me? Try Sara. She's the only one to make me blush with what comes out of her mouth.

Now, I don't want to give you the idea that I am complaining. Just the opposite. If this girl does like me, maybe I make her day at work better as well. I remember when I came across a few girls in my past that made the most boring things much better. You know me and my passion for scents. Just the right slight hint of perfume can do wonders. Hell, even a small dab of Strawberry Shortcake's naughty panties make me more furious than the average horny rogue lion. If my ass is getting scanned and fawned over, so be it. We're all human but I'd like to think that it's my goofiness. The only problem is that that has not come out yet. The girl is too shy to talk to me.

Oh, I'd like to add that I flexed my biceps for the deaf guy. Don't you just love it when the most hetero guy mocks being homosexual? Sometimes, I jump up and down while clapping my hands, too.

Shit days equal no walkies for 5-Pound Phooey. Like a spoiled child, she has taken it upon herself to ignore me tonight. Gotta love 12 pounds of guilt to add to the hours of rain pounding on the roof.

So, there you have it. I'd like to add something, though. The Suicide Girls may not be your cup of tea, Samantha. I'm fine with that but I've noticed how various magazines avoid allowing certain girls to pose for them, namely brown girls and those with tattoos. 'Playboy' has become so boring that I pretty much go giddy only for the articles. At least, one form of entertainment can find it within their hearts to see that there are alternative weirdos found attractive to geeky guys like me. I'm very rarely attracted to black women but I loves me some brown with pierced noses and attitude. Playboy is on its way out like the dinosaur it is. Sad because I used to love that magazine. Happy twats all around.