Wednesday, October 31, 2007

See Me After School

"When I was little, I, like, worshipped Halloween. And truthfully, part of me still does. 'Cause it's your one chance all year to be someone else."

-Angela in My So Called Life

So, where do I begin? I'm pretty damn sick right now with Sara's cold that slowly progressed up to last night. Nasty bugger! It's done one of the most impossible things ever, kept me from the gym tonight. Now, I went Monday and Tuesday but the coughing and sneezing got to be too much today that I allowed myself a Me Day of pumpkin bread and horror flicks.

Unfortunately, the horror flicks conked out early thanks to the satellite quitting around 6:30pm. Nothing like feeling your in a whole other world where Jack Nicholson talks to a ghost that chopped up his wife and 2 kids. Of course, some of you might recognize that as being The Shining. Good stuff and truly scary for the twin girls that little boy keeps coming across while riding his bicycle in the hotel's hallways.

There was a recent debate on the downfall of horror films. Nothing scares us anymore, apparently. Jason, Freddy, Leatherface, and so on are all minstrel shows these days. While I kind of agree, the first 3 Friday the 13ths were fucking scary, the first Nightmare On Elm Street was so original, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre became a nightmare for me. Then again, I was at a young age where I was forced to hide my viewings from parents that saw violence as more upsetting then sex. Yup, saw a lot of tits and bush but not much in the way of heads being blown off.

You could say the horror film is dying thanks to directors being out there for only money. Take an original thought? Fuck, no! The last scary movie I saw was The Descent and prior to this was Dog Soldiers. You'll notice that these 2 hold my fears, being in tight places like caves and werewolves. If they added clowns, I'm truly fucked.

As you can see, this is my big Halloween entry even though I am pretty sick. I'll try to type all that's on my hazy mind fueled by Robitussin medicine that makes my snot come out in truckloads. Is that what makes my pee streams so damn long? I get so tired from the peeing, coughing, and being up too late with snot that it's amazing I still want to work. The sweat that pours out at work helps rid me of the poisons.

Take your fears. Are they more aligned with that of terrorists coming here as Bush says? Or do you have a problem with clowns like me? Dog Soldiers took my fear of werewolves to a very obscene height. Take a small platoon of British soldiers that think they are on a practice run in the middle of the Scottish Hills. Have them find another platoon that's obviously been attacked. By what? Suddenly, things go bad, real bad. Something or some things are hunting them and not laying down after being hit by bullets. The nightfall tells these soldiers that the attackers are 8-feet tall and have a very good ability to attack in a formation more suitable than humans or even soldiers do. Plus, they're very fast.

Now, picture this. The surviving British soldiers have an idea as to what is attacking them only it's a bit late. Hours til the morning and ammo's low while the farmhouse is surrounded by a pack of what is now viewable as werewolves. See? The director took a great fear and made it so fucking out there. How do these guys get out? What's with the girl that suddenly appears to rescue the soldiers? Just how many werewolves are out there? Like British slang? How about a guy named "Spoon?" If your out of ammo and no weapons while a werewolf comes in, is it okay to just go all out with your fists?

You could take the movie, Aliens, and tack that on as scary. Only problem for me is that I've seen it over 50 times and know every line by heart. The Exorcist? Wow, now you're talking! Nice flick and it was only in college that I got a look at it thanks to a friend's insisting. The spiderwalk scene is fantastic and freaky but I love the line, "Your mother sucks dicks in hell" more. I say that to anyone that fucks me.

What people, especially directors, don't get is that fear is actually more about the unknown. Don't show us too much of the killer(s) and make him/her a fucking joke. Don't rely on stupid small scare tactics by having someone jump out of nowhere. Don't think that torture porn is supposed to be scary. I'm looking at you, Eli Roth and your Hostel 2. Loved the sickle scene where that girl's blood flows out while upside down but..........that's about it. Didn't like the spoiled characters and enjoyed seeing them off'd.

Wanna know what really scares me? Global warming is something that I have on my mind every now and then. Rape scenes make me want to look away from the screen. People that continue to talk about how proud they are on voting for George Bush. Our funding the war over figuring out a way to help pay for insurance is another. While I love seeing sexuality explored, I have a hard time with women's holes being stuffed with silverware. There's also midgets, oh, excuse me, "little people" scare me easily. I have a fear that they'll attack me and I will get knocked out thanks to wondering whether I should get on my knees and fight or just drop-kick 'em.

So, my day other than avoiding the gym? Just picked up the My So Called Life TV series set. Never before have I seen such a show critically praised like this, a very realistic view of high school. Sara loved it as did I so I'm going to surprise her this week by bringing it. At $70, that's nothing to spit at but it's so good. One of the biggest reasons is that I never got to see the whole 19 episodes but in pieces instead. Where oh where have you gone, great writers? People would rather be dumbed down with Deal Or No Deal than see something with passionate writing these days.

I'm outta here as I plan on this digital camera for Friday, prepare to overcome my laziness and post pictures, take more medicine that makes me put on a frowny face, and enjoy the sight of peeing so much. Put me in, coach. I'm ready to sleep. Tonight. Gotta be. Passed out. Happy twats all around.

6 comments:

Dr. K said...

Deal or No Deal isn't even a real game show! There is no strategy or game play involved at all. It's basically just seeing who can guess the best. There really is no fun in that. I want to see games where people have to use brain power or the endless amounts of trivia/general information stored in their heads.

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