Retarded Old Timer

"Time is a gift, given to you, given to give you the time you need, the time you need to have the time of your life."

-Tock of 'The Phantom Tollbooth'

Tock is right, totally dead-on. Tomorrow, for me, work is going to be very hella hard to deal with. I'm taking off for Indiana right after I'm told I can leave. I'm just not up for night driving after doing something that makes many people fall down on the floor from exhaustion. While I crave the challenge of things like this, sometimes a young man's fancy turns to the sexual excitement that awaits him. Trust me. If the sex is good, and I mean really filthy, dirty, kinky where you don't write home to Mum, a guy will clear his schedule of everything just for that sensual feeling when it slides in.

I trust I do not have to say exactly what 'it' is now do I, girls?

I've had a very weird day that shouts 'nerd' all over it. Well, it does to me thanks to memories of how I was a very odd child from 1st through 4th Grades. My love of bugs and dinosaurs pretty much trumped all. Remember, I was the kid that took out all his lunch just to replace it with a giant grasshopper he found for his bug collection.

This was different and you just cannot make this shit up. While filling my car with gas after a short time spent in the local independent bookstore reading about the adventures of Spiderman, I noticed a large moth on the ground. Of course, it was alive being that it had no marks or bug blood anywhere. But why was it just laying there on the ground?

What's a boy to do? Why pick up large gigantic moth and bring it home. Gosh, I just make you want to slap your forehead out of frustration with trying to figure me out. It's in me to not allow the chance for this moth to be stepped on or run over. Moth rode shotgun in my car as I sped home in hopes to place it on the tree. This wasn't some ordinary moth so I'll try to describe it for ya.

Picture a large grey moth but with an abdomen that commands attention. You'll notice the pink lines first but, upon further inspection, the skull-like upper thorax gives you the impression it has a skull. Yes, it's close to being one of those 'death's head' moths but not quite. While I was doing my best to get the moth onto the tree, my mother came out to ask why I had not entered the house yet. Guess what? Even she stopped to look at the moth and comment on how beautiful it was. Too bad the damn thing was fucked up from gasoline fumes or something. That's why the moth would sit still for a little while and then do its best to attempt flying/escape maneuvers in an erratic manner. Gorgeous bug, though.

I fancy weird things. Deal with it, fucker.

As much as I would love to ask you how your morning was, I don't feel right into going towards how hard it is to deal with a small dog that has a gigantic turd ball stuck to her ass where I had to get a stick. And......oh, hell. The morning just sucked. While you are rubbing sleep, taking a walk to pee, combing your hair, I was crouched down on the sidewalk trying to help 5-Pound Phooey with the enormous amount of shit that got stuck in her hair. This happens every 2 months thanks to an enormous amount of hair on Yorkshire Terriers' asses. So, the lesson here is to shave your asses, girls. Got that? It's embarrassing and has to be done so take your dogs to the best waxers out there.

According to Sara, I have to bring a nice wardrobe because we are going on a date. Return of trying to figure the other person out and whether she will allow you into her pants kind of thing returns. A-hoy! I'm smiling because Sara mentioned a possible roller skating event with another couple to share good times with. If that involves a 5'10 white boy with massive shoulders and blue eyes holding onto the railings for dear life while 'Play That Funky Music' blares on the sound system, I am so there.

I guess it is kind of nice. Sara did tell me that I am so gonna get my naughty parts slick with the right kind of stickiness only she provides. Can't go wrong with roller skating afterwards to air everything out prior to another session. Breeze plus balls equals goodness gracious as the hairs stand up. The last time I roller skated was in 3rd Grade and was ordered by the nuns to stay on the carpet. That was the only place I could stand up on and get my boogie oogie on all by my lonesome self.

Sometimes, I think I need a helmet and my name on my underwear in case I forget who I am. Then again, would I be willing to ask someone to read the words markered back there? As far as I know, you can call me 'Calvin Klein.'

So, there's date night and the Feast to deal with. Gonna be a busy weekend as I've already prepared for the sex part. Sara likes everything bare down there so I'm possibly smoother than you are, dear reader. To her, it's easier to do filthy things with her mouth when hairs don't get in there. To me, I just like it that I don't get chewed out as I always do if I let things grow out too far. Sara loves penises as should you. See why the hour long drive to Indiana is going to feel even longer? I love falling asleep feeling so sticky. Happy twats all around.