Help, It's A Giant White Twinkie

"There's a lot to be said about making people laugh! Did you know that's all some people have? It isn't much but it's better than nothing in this cockeyed caravan! Boy!"

-Sullivan's Travels

I'm certainly not one to let things go unnoticed when it comes to things relating to me. More and more people are coming here thanks to looking up naughty titles in search engines. I've already noted that "Tits Are Magic" is a major hit but we're gonna have to add some new ones because "fuck buddy" is just that. Say, young man, come on out of your downtrodden not getting any pussy state. Put down your motor oily lubed up penis, click off the computer, and go find a nice gal to wine and dine. Be sure to not appear creepy by asking if she has a boyfriend too soon. Maybe you'll end up back at her place to bed her sweetly. Watch out for the quiet ones. They'll have you screaming out in a new form of pleasure, pain.

Let's see here......I'm due for a damage report. The week's tally is at one gigantic bruise on the left leg next to the knee-pit area. Yes, it is that icky looking. 1 large skinned up portion of knee thanks to chasing after a loose schnauzer in the park. A somewhat smaller bruise near the knee of my left leg. Various cuts on both legs. The left bicep hurts every now and then. My question is why every fucking thing has to go wrong with my left side? I'm serious in saying that you'd wonder this, too, when walking around. No pain on one side while the other has you being more careful about rubbing your knee on carpet.

Yet, I still went to the gym only because I didn't finish my workout last night. A sudden stomach ache came about just as I finished the main portion. Let me tell ya, it is hard to change clothes when the belly aches.

Oh, but my kingdom for a tummy rub and a few snacks fed to me by a lovely lass! Work may have ended early and the wounds so easily known but I still wished for female attention. Damn, it sucks that I have to stay here. It's for the best because I sure as hell don't want to wake up early to drive Sara to work. Healing is what is needed and Sara wants me to as well.

Plus, remember when I threw up 2 times while driving the interstate home last year? Good times, I tells ya! I've still got the image of the mack truck behind me as I tossed my cookies into the red A&F hoodie instead of on the car. Well, that moment is stuck in my head all because it came about from a nasty sunburn while attending Indiana's Feast. This yearly festival happens again next week and I'm not gonna miss it. What I love is to see all the people dressed up in very old style clothes where muskets were a part of a male's life in protecting the women from large furry animals. Of course, things are different now thanks to loads of flicks where women kick the shit out of males and werewolves these days. Underworld? Totally badass woman in rubber and a handgun automatics are climax worthy!

That's what I'm doing next weekend, heading out to Indiana after work and enjoying the sun (or hiding from it this time). Various portions of the recently discovered country and other countries are represented in a parade where people dress like them. This denotes the end of the Feast but it's so cool to see kids drum and flute while marching. Check out my pictures section to remember that time last year. I'll try and remember a camera for next weekend that'll include the dancing part where we see how to court a lady onto the floor.

Don't you miss being courted, girls? A nice rose on the windshield of your car is sexy n' all but how about a man with manners to introduce himself instead of thinking himself a 'player?' I know I sound like your grandma but I'd guess by now you are a bit tired of DFE's (Dance Floor Erections) that show how a guy feels. Sara and I were quite flirtacious after a few weeks of emailing each other. Things got a bit kinky when I was at work and she hinted at what she'd do to me when I was alone in the back of the store. Let me tell ya, I bedded a very sexual woman that not even the devil's minions could handle but I still courted her for a few hours until she ended up orgasming on the floor during X-Men 2.

Still no grot. I've got it on order that will hopefully have it in tomorrow. I just cannot believe Sara has me really opening up sexually because I am 100% certain that I am not the same as I once was. I'm getting more devilish. There is enjoyment with just letting go and fucking a girl hard from behind while she screams out in pleasure. I know that some of you don't agree with being cum on but I enjoy releasing everything on breasts and back. To me, it's my way of saying, "You made me do that," as I pull out to cum all over the cheeks of her ass. Sara likes to watch, at times. Yes, it's an ego boost to hear the inevitable when it comes to the amount of stickiness I create:

"That's a lot."

But I'm as normal as you, dear reader. I love the world and show this by being very critical (as well as cynical). Animals, I can almost see myself roaming the world to meet more since humans sure are fucking things up now. So, a guy can't enjoy being sexually wacko? Lovemaking is so boring. Bring on the hardcore fucking or there'll be hell to pay.

So, I'm outta here as I am in need of healing. Yahoo! announced that Oprah has a new selection in her bookclub. Fuck 'all. Another boring individual trying get dull housewives to read instead of laying on the floor with a box of bon-bons. For my money, it should be "The Story Of O" and she's only wearing a smile as the whip cracks. Of course, she has to have nice abs and perky tits because a fat chick just screams out Twinkie addiction. Happy twats all around.